SUPERMAN’S PAL JIMMY OLSEN 054 (1961)
by Robert Bernstein and Curt Swan
Giant ants and Kryptonite. Yep, we’re in the 60s.
We begin with Jimmy going on a shopping spree for new hats.
Juuuust when Mr. Mxyzptlk loses HIS hat.
So you can already guess where this is going. His hat is going to join a collection of “disguise hats” that includes a sombrero.
As a reminder, Jimmy bought these hats to disguise himself to cover a story.
So a tiny derby hat doesn’t look THAT much out of place.
As a bonus: the hat grants wishes!
Okay, so we have Jimmy Olsen with wish-granting abilities. And no, that’s not going into the superpowers list: the hat is the one with powers).
He wishes to have Superman’s powers for a few hours.
I’ll cut him SOME slack for not using the power to end world hunger or something like that: he knows that the effects of Mxyzptlk’s magic are temporary.
But even then I’m sure he could’ve come up with something better than that! He’s already had Superman’s powers MULTIPLE times already!
But he DOES explicitly wish for Kryptonite immunity, so that’s going to be added to the list.
Jimmy hears on the radio that a famous explorer Professor Lang (who is Lana Lang’s father, actually) is in danger, so he flies into action.
If you’re wondering how is Jimmy going to mess this up…
LITERALLY NEXT PANEL:
Professor Lang’s emergency, by the way, are giant ants.
Specifically, giant red talking ants with Kryptonite weapons.
Which are NOT to be confused with the giant red talking ants with Kryptonite weapons of Action Comics 296.
THESE ants actually want Jimmy to be their leader.
If there’s another comic that contains the words “Aye! Mount me, Master Olsen!”, I’m going to lose what’s left of my sanity.
Jimmy tries to use his command over these ants to save Superman… and in return he’s hypnotized into giving the command to kill Superman.
Nice job, Jimmy.
So… how’s Superman going to get out of this one?
He’s not! This was all just a dream!
OH COME ON!!!
This is as convoluted as it gets.
It’s not clear WHEN Jimmy got those hallucinations. Did he actually wish for Kryptonite immunity or was he already dreaming?
It shouldn’t really matter: Jimmy was immune to Kryptonite before making his wish! If Jimmy considers a superpower something that every single human being has, it’s going into the list!
Well that was crap. Any chance we can get something that makes sense in the next story?
I’ll take it as a “no”.
We start with Jimmy going to Lucy to ask her out, and he’s already bummed by the fact that she prefers older men.
I still have no idea how old Jimmy and Lucy are supposed to be, but I’m starting to think that she has a thing for anyone who isn’t Jimmy.
Case in point:
I want a giant poster with that panel.
Her date must be evil, though. He has a goatee.
The solution? Growth serum, of course!
You can probably already tell how that’s going to end.
So Professor Potter has basically invented the cure for aging.
Since his adult clothes no longer fit him, Jimmy wears a Superbaby costume from his “disguise trunk”.
About my questions about Jimmy’s age: it’s been 15 years since he last rode a tricycle.
In my headcanon, Jimmy is 25 and he still used a tricycle when he was 10.
He then sneaks into the Daily Planet where he keeps the antidote formula to the growth serum (don’t ask me why, it’s the Silver Age) where he runs into Perry White.
I’m sure little people don’t find those panels offensive at all.
He can’t find the notes with the antidote, but Lois did a story on the serum so maybe she does.
Jimmy COULD simply call her (or Professor Potter!) saying that he’s been transformed for the hundredth time… but why waste the possibility of a stupid plan?
Also an opportunity that Jimmy can’t waste: gaslight his girlfriend into believing kids like him.
You just know those two are into some kinky stuff after these panels. You just know.
At least he exposes the identity of Lucy’s date.
I told you he was evil! The goatee never lies.
Luckily for Jimmy, Superman just happened to be flying around the building where Lois lives (or at least that’s Superman’s alibi).
Instead of doing the sensible thing and just save the girls, Superman helps “Superbaby” do the job.
I love how Lucy and Lois completely fall for the idea that Superman turned himself into a baby to capture a criminal. It wouldn’t be his weirdest plan, not even remotely.
I wonder if Lucy ever told Lois that “baby Superman” kept kissing her.
As for why Superman didn’t punish Jimmy for being an idiot… he didn’t want to spoil his birthday.
You know you’re just encouraging Jimmy to do reckless s#it again, right Superman?
Historical significance: 0/10
Mercifully forgotten by time.
Silver Age-ness: 10/10
Mr. Mxyzptlk! Red Kryptonite! Giant ants! “It was just a dream” ending! Insane science!
Does it stand the test of time? 0/10
Even at DC, the Silver Age is full of stories that are very stupid but are so charming and honest that you just can’t help loving them. The two stories of this issue… are not among them.
Stupid Jimmy Olsen moment
As a human, Jimmy is already completely immune to Kryptonite. He still wishes for Kryptonite immunity.
Superpowers count: 24
Adding Kryptonite immunity.