SUPERMAN’S PAL JIMMY OLSEN 043 (1960)
by Jerry Siegel & Curt Swan
Let’s see what kind of shenanigans we can find in the latest issue of Jimmy AAAAHHHH!!!
KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!
That… that was terrifying. How about we DON’T start with the cover story?
Something that makes a little more sense?
That’s better.
We begin with Jimmy taking Lucy Lane to see a movie with Kookie Byrnes.
Who not only was a real guy, but he also just died in 2020.
Apparently he created a bit of a fad of continuously combing your hair. This somehow makes Jimmy jealous, and he decides he just has to create a fad of his own.
So after attending the dedication of an observatory where Superman recreates some Moon craters…
(WTF!?)
…Jimmy decides his fad: chewing gum.
WHICH IS APPARENTLY NEWSWORTHY.
And it becomes instantly super-popular!
Or not.
Next Jimmy covers another Superman “stunt”… lighting a giant lightbulb.
You know, I’m beginning to think Silver Age Superman is sliiiightly addicted to fame.
This gives an idea to Jimmy: he can make wearing sunglasses all the time the newest fad!
And it becomes instantly super-popular!
Or not.
After these failures, Jimmy gets another bright idea: he’s already always wearing a bow tie, so maybe bow ties can be the next fad?
You know where this is going, right?
Wait, how does that work? If you buy the 100,000th tie, the shop sends ties for free to your friends at work? Without telling you? How does the shop owner know where you work!?
Next fad… flipping coins. Which is also a signal between criminals.
This “fad” almost gets Jimmy killed…
…but he’s saved by the Kookie’s Comb ™ in his pocket.
How hard is that comb!?!?
Well… that was stupid. Now, wasn’t there another story I was supposed to AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!
It seems that whenever Jimmy uses his signa-watch to call Superman, an alien shows up.
I mean a different alien.
Jimmy is UNDERSTANDABLY SHAKEN, but he’s lucky enough to have Lucy Lane.
By which I mean Jimmy just might get lucky tonight.
Naturally this is an abomination that must be stopped at all costs, so a hero saves Lucy from eternal regret a criminal throws dynamite at Jimmy’s car to kill him…
…and misses. How the f#ck does he miss when he’s like three feet away!?
Jimmy uses his signal watch to summon AAAAHHHHH!!!!!
AAAAHHHHH!!!!!
Sorry. I got a little heart attack there.
So… Superman’s signal watch suddenly summons a Lovecraftian horror instead of him… I hope Supes has an explanation for this!
Sounds legit.
Since the watch summons something that would make Chthulu wake up in a cold sweat, Jimmy shockingly has a good idea: he can just not wear the watch!
In a sane universe, the story would be over.
But Lois Lane… just Lois Lanes it.
I hope I never read the sentence “Jimmy’s monster chum” EVER again.
The living sin against all creation is now stuck on Earth.
And IT WATCHES YOU WHEN YOU SLEEP.
In fact, he’s ALWAYS watching you.
IT’S ALWAYS IN YOUR NIGHTMARES. EVEN WHEN YOU ARE AWAKE.
WHERE IT GOES, PANIC FOLLOWS.
IN ITS PATH, CIVILIZATION VANISHES.
It comes from another realm, consumes you and all around you with sheer madness, and all it wants is to lure you into its own dominion outside the universe.
Good enough for Superman!
Leaving Earth after having scared off all the people he knew, consumed by the madness, embracing the tentacles of a creature that causes his mind to go blank.
Yep. That’s about what I expected for Jimmy Olsen’s last day on Earth.
AAAAAHHH… uh? Wait a minute…
They… they consider Jimmy to be a monster? A hideous creature whose only purpose is the sick amusement of comic book reviewers who are having way too much fun with this gag other humans?
I feel so ashamed. Clearly we are dealing with an enlightened and superior species!
I actually kind of feel bad for them now. They will have to endure Jimmy for the rest of…
Oh crap. Superman’s going to rescue him, isn’t it?
Dammit Supes, we almost got rid of him this time!!!
Historical significance: 0/10
KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!
Silver Age-ness
Fad story: 2/10
Just a stupid story, but it’s not particularly Silver Age-y.
Cover story: 4/10
Relatively average if you can give up sleep forever.
Does it stand the test of time?
Fad story: 0/10
The fact that almost nobody knows who Kookie was doesn’t harm the story much… it’s the fact that it’s a comedy that is simply not funny.
Cover story: 7/10
Jokes aside, the monster is both played for laughs and at times is genuinely scary.
Stupid Jimmy Olsen moment
Way too many to count for the fad story. Everything he does there, really.