Superboy #148 (1968)
by Leo Dorfman & Curt Swan
cover by Neal Adams
Why in the world am I reviewing this? Because there’s a VERY obscure connection to one of my retrospectives. See if you can guess what it is within the story.
We begin with Pa Kent’s store being robbed. Don’t be confused by the fact that the Kents look WAY younger than usual, it’s a whole thing in this era that has no impact on the plot.
On the other side of the world, Superboy hears the alarm… and hopes the Kents die.
Shame on you, Superboy! What would Pa Kent say?
The Smallville police ACTUALLY DOES ITS JOB this time!!!
I’ve seen the Smallville police actually do its job so little that I wonder why they even have a police force in the first place.
Guys, have you considered the possibility that Superboy left because you two don’t look anything like his adoptive parents?
Superboy goes as far as abandoning his Clark Kent identity altogether: he’ll be “Chuck Kibbee” instead. Doesn’t that name just roll off your tongue?
He also moves to Casino City.
You have to love how Superboy labels E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G in his private museum!
Ah, super-ventriloquism. Whenever you think that it gets an undeservedly bad reputation, remember that Superman used to be able to throw his voice ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COUNTRY.
But let’s follow “Chuck Kibbee”’s adventures in Discount Las Vegas.
All the games are rigged here, but Chuck wins at all of them anyway.
What’s the reasoning behind the idea that Clark wouldn’t take the money? Is it because this is gambling? It can’t be because he’s using his powers for personal gain, since he’s doing this to expose the fact that the game is rigged.
What Clark most definitely WOULDN’T do is expose his secret identity like this.
This is all part of his plan to hire these two con artists to pose as his parents.
Although the woman looks way too young to have a son his age, why would he… you know what, maybe it’s better if we don’t know.
Also the guy’s name is “Ron Zero”.
With the help of their “son”, the Zeros make a fortune at gambling.
However the guy handling the Casino City Casino recognizes Superboy, since he got him arrested years earlier.
Superboy can’t save the Kents the bomb will explode if he tries to disarm it, so he has to play the cover scene instead.
Nice trick coming up with an idea of how he’d pick up the color if he can’t see, but Superboy blows it anyway.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, is when the story turns absolutely bonkers.
Yes.
NOW.
Because the Kents… are not actually the Kents, but they’re puppeteered by MIND-CONTROLLING ALIENS.
They took possession of the Kents during the night.
Also, they sleep in separate beds because Comics Code.
But why would these aliens take control of the Kents? To convince their son to dig a hole to the Earth’s core, of course.
Reprogramming one of the Superboy robots is a fine idea, but how would things have turned out if Superboy hadn’t discovered the trick?
“There you go dad, I’ve drilled the well you wanted”.
“Thanks, but I need it to go down to the center of the Earth.”
“Sounds legit.”
Knowing the aliens would monitor him (HOW!?), Superboy staged his entire new persona.
Although he DID wish the Kents would die at the beginning of the story, so… are the aliens telepaths as well? They can’t be, or the rest of the ruse wouldn’t work!
Now the aliens leave the Kents and posses the new foster parents, which is all part of Superboy’s plan.
This is where we learn that Mr. and Mrs. Zero are *gasp* not their real names.
Which means it’s time for our time-honored tradition of Gues The Stupid Ending!
Who is pretending to be the new foster parents?
A) Mr. Mxyzptlk and Ms. Gsptlsnz
B) The parents of a Legionnaire
C) Jimmy Olsen and Lois Lane
D) Mon-El and Supergirl
E) Bizarro versions of Jor-El and Lara
And the answer is… the parents of Polar Boy, of all people!!!
They totally murdered those aliens, didn’t they?
Soooo… to recap, the moment Superboy learns the aliens are vulnerable to coldness, THIS is his plan.
A) abandon his Clark Kent identity
B) go to the future and convince Polar Boy’s parents to help
C) go back to the 20th century
D) have Polar Boy’s parents establish fake identities in Casino City
E) under the name of Chuck Kibbee, go to Casino City
F) expose several con artists
G) meet with Polar Boy’s parents and pretend it’s the first time you see them
H) expose your secret identity to both Polar Boy’s parents and some very confused bystanders
I) have “Chuck Kibbee” be adopted by Polar Boy’s parents
L) hyponotize the guy at the Casino City Casino into threatening the Kents
M) somehow prevent the all-seeing aliens from noticing you’re doing all of this
N) trick the aliens into jumping out of the Kents
O) have Polar Boy’s parents murder the aliens
And this took A WEEK. Even less, because remember Superboy doesn’t leave until after the aliens have tried to trick him a couple of times.
It’s especially insane because if it was so important to involve someone who has ice powers, SUPERBOY HAS ICE BREATH!!!
Historical significance: 0°C/10
Even Polar Boy doesn’t bring this up!!!
Silver Age-ness: 5,200°C/10
That is one of the most insanely and needlessly convoluted Superman plots I have ever seen, WHICH IS SAYING SOMETHING.
Does it stand the test of time? 0°C/10
What a mess. This doesn’t work as a mystery, AT ALL: Superboy’s thought balloons throughout the story are seriously at odds with the idea that he’s faking everything.
Involving Polar Boy’s parents comes absolutely out of nowhere, as do the aliens of course.
And it’s playing into an idea that I’m glad has been completely abandoned: that Clark Kent is just a persona that Superman/Superboy can discard at will and not, you know, the person he grew up being.
Bonus round! Did you know Krypto was not the only Superboy pet?
“The Canine that outclassed Krypto!”
by Cary Bates & George Papp
It begins with Superboy being called by the keeper of a space zoo.
He calls it a preserve, but come on, all the animals are clearly in cages!
So he asks Superboy to recover a deadly space-bird for him.
Notice the almost Kirbyan perspective on Superboy’s fist: the artwork is by the very traditional George Papp, so it’s weird to see it.
Superboy deals with the space bird, saving a space dog from it.
Well Superboy calls it a dog. Looks like a purple kangaroo to me.
Back on Earth, Clark Kent notices a lab experiment gone wrong.
But there’s ANOTHER emergency at Smallville, so instead of dealing with the rogue experiment Superboy has to save a burning dirigible.
Once he’s done with that, though, he learns that the “space dog” has dealt with the lab experiment.
A telepathic space dog, even!!!
Zkor even comes with a tragic backstory: his entirely family dies when their ship collides with an asteroid.
If your pet is telepathic and can verbalize his thoughts, is he really just a pet or is he a servant?
“I’d like you to be my new master and adopt me as a pet” is NOT a sentence I expected to find in a Superboy story.
Zkor is a real powerhouse, with a vast array of energy powers.
Am I the only one who thinks the idea of a pet with disintegration rays is absolutely terrifying?
Somehow a better love triangle than Superman-Lois-Lana.
Well at least they’re not sniffing each other’s butt.
Has anyone checked if Martian Manhunter wants a pet? They could get along on the “way too many superpowers” category.
They even share a crippling weakness: Zkor is weak against rainwater!
Which shouldn’t be a problem, I hear it’s less prevalent than Kryptonite in Smallville.
But Krypto is a hero, so of course he rescues Zkor.
However Zkor is ALSO a hero, because he’s not weak to rainwater at all: it was all just a trick to make Krypto accept that he’s leaving.
And that’s how we end, with the space dog roaming the universe in search for a new owner.
Historical significance: 0/10
Can you believe Zkor never shows up again? You’d expect at least Grant Morrison to bring him up!
Silver Age-ness: 10dog/10
In what other era you would meet a telepathic alien dog who looks like a purple kangaroo and has like twelve superpowers?
Does it stand the test of time? 6/10
Don’t make the space dog talk and the basic plot still kind of works.