LOIS LANE #103 (1970)
by Robert Kanigher & Curt Swan
This scene doesn’t actually happen in the comic, which is actually much much dumber.
So last time Superman caused the death of Lois Lane. He’s taking it surprisingly well.
Great job, Superman.
So let me get this straight: Superman left the corpse of Lois in the residence of the Devil’s secret identity, alone with Lana Lang and some tigers, and went somewhere else to cry about it?
Yeah, sounds about right for The Worst.
And then… I swear you’re not ready for this… Superman marries the corpse!!!
Uhm… how is “so long as ye both shall live” supposed to work if the bride is ALREADY dead!?
I swear Superman is going on “an urgent mission” EVERY. FREAKING. TIME.
He didn’t even tell Lana that this place belongs to the devil!!!
And so “Satdev” revives Lois, who is just now growing horns.
Wait a second… Lois ALREADY had her horns when she died and Lana was RIGHT THERE!!!
It’s not like Kanigher is trying to retcon the previous issue… when Lana recaps the whole story, Lois has the horns!!!
So… Superman left for “an emergency mission” but five minutes later he’s already checking the scene with his telescopic vision?
AND he’s too late to do anything about it (despite being, y’know, SUPERMAN).
You are not just The Worst at being a human being, Superman, you suck at being a superhero.
And now, ladies and gentlemen… while admittedly it would be a stretch that now is when the story goes bonkers because it was already as crazy as it gets… it’s time for the most unnecessary plot twist in the history of the Silver Age.
It turns out that the Devil… isn’t actually the Devil.
Yep! They’re aliens.
If you have a magic ring that makes less scientific sense than the Green Lantern one, you know you’re a Kanigher character.
“Alien magic rings: now with cancer!”
As for why Satdev fell in love with Lois… by the way it’s apparently his real name (????)… he’s YET ANOTHER alien stalker.
Now you might expect Lois to staunchly reject Satdev because she’s been mutated and taken away with force, but… nope! Since she’s ugly now she can’t marry Superman, and she’s got to marry SOMEONE right?
“1970 fanservice. Now with satanism!”
We are close enough to the wedding, so the only thing Lois has to do is remove the ring Superman gave her when he thought she was dead.
And it turns out that all Lois had to do all this time was just tell Satdev “no”. (WTF!?)
And so we end with Satdev discovering what made Lois decide against the marriage… the inscription inside the ring: “I will always love you, Lois – till the end of time! Superman”
That is on page fifteen. Couldn’t she tell him “no” sooner!?
Historical significance: 0/10
I’m not exactly caught up with the Green Lantern mythos, but I somehow doubt Satdev is the real origin of the Red Lanterns.
Silver Age-ness: 666/10
It begins with Superman marrying the corpse of Lois Lane!!!
Does it stand the test of time? 0/10
Stupid Lois Lane moment
Lois… even if he’s actually an alien, when the Devil asks to marry you… you don’t wait PAGE FIFTEEN to say “no”!!!