LOIS LANE #57 (1965)
by Leo Dorfman & John Forte
cover by Kurt Schaffenberger
You might think that the cover spoils the entire plot, but the story is actually far more insane.
We begin with Superman dropping both Lois and Lana to a fancy hotel and then leaving to carry out his “youth-restoring experiments”.
Considering we’ve already seen DC has like a hundred Fountains of Youth, I wonder why he’s bothering with it.
Later, Lois finds a costumed baby with superpowers and naturally figures out that this is a rejuvenated Superman.
“Superbaby” (ugh) ends up with both Lois and Lana as his babysitters.
As if Silver Age Superman wasn’t messed up in the head already.
Lois has her priorities straight: BRAINWASH THE BABY.
Fortunately, Superbaby has a modicum of taste.
Don’t take Lana’s side, though, because she tried to do exactly the same thing. Including spanking the invulnerable baby.
As Lana shows Superbaby a TV special about hypnotism, Lois has an idea.
WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE ARREST THIS WOMAN!?
I would LOVE to know what the hotel manager thinks about Lois needing all this stuff.
The real objective is, of course, to BRAINWASH THE BABY.
Of course Lana can’t be any less horrible than Lois.
I’m feeling bad for the hotel manager. I would feel bad for Superbaby, but, you know. He’ll grow up to be The Worst anyway.
The war between Lois and Lana escalates. If this keep going, Superman is going to marry half of Metropolis.
You know at this point Lois has been kissed by an underage Superman more often than by his adult self. That’s very creepy.
VERY creepy indeed.
Superbaby flies away, with both Lois and Lana figuring out that the effects of rejuvenation are over.
They meet Superman at the scheduled time, except…
Okay, time to play “Guess the stupid ending”! Place your bets!
A) Superbaby was actually a robot the whole time
B) Superbaby was actually some kid from Kandor
C) Superbaby was actually a Superman from another dimension
D) Superbaby lost all memory of the brainwash because of Red Kryptonite
E) This was just a dream by Lois
Can you guess the correct one?
And the winner is…
But wait a minute! Option C wasn’t even remotely the most stupid one! Surely we can get something weirder, right?
Now that’s more like it.
Historical significance: 0/10
You have no idea how much I hope this one doesn’t get a sequel (although we’ll see there are multiple parallel Earths where bigamy is legal).
Silver Age-ness: 10/10
We’re not even told what the rejuvenation experiment is.
Does it stand the test of time? -10/10
Yeah, uhm, “Lois and Lana compete on who’s better at brainwashing a baby” has… not aged particularly well.
Stupid Lois Lane moment
At this point Lois trying to hypnotize a baby doesn’t surprise me. But trying to spank an invulnerable one?