The last few Metal Men issues have been fantastic. Unfortunately with the departure of Walt Simonson the quality of writing plummets significantly… the fact that I’m rushing through three issues at once should worry you.
METAL MEN 51 (1977)
by Martin Pasko & Joe Staton
How does a story with an awesome title like “Killing me softly with his scream!” gets such a bad cover?
Joe Staton is a great artist, but there’s something about the way he draws the Metal Men that feels… off. They’re way too rubbery.
The entire story has a manic energy that is hard to follow. We begin with the Metal Men arresting some crooks trying to rob the military base of General Craven, who just got them arrested (or I guess confiscated?).
The goons have been sent by the villain of the story, Vox.
Who screams. A lot.
He’s an interesting concept: an arms dealer who sells cybernetic parts.
So basically an arms dealer who deals arms?
Pasko is definitely going for a lighter tone, but it really clashes with the setting and ESPECIALLY with the previous issues.
Vox manages to capture Doc, the general and Iron. He’s after the secret for the Metal Men’s power…
I don’t get why Vox is going through so much trouble to figure out the source of the Metal Men’s shapeshifting. Doc has mentioned several times that it’s thanks to the Responsometer ™, IN PUBLIC.
Then again, Vox doesn’t seem to be all there.
However it’s the general who gives up, agreeing to tell Vox everything if he replaces his “bionic heart” with a fully artificial one.
The Metal Men show up as a giant robot (!!!!!) and the solution turns out to be to reverse the giant magnet that is keeping Iron.
And so the Metal Men save the day… while letting the general die.
You guys just HAVE to screw up SOMETHING, don’t you?
METAL MEN 52 (1977)
by Martin Pasko & Joe Staton
cover by Walt Simonson
Don’t let the cover fool you: the villain of the story is actually worse.
After the Metal Men are prevented from contacting General Caspar, their usual military liaison, they are informed by Doc’s love interest whatshername about the latest plot.
Yes, a NUCLEAR POWERED pediatric research. What could possibly go wrong?
Please tell me this is not going to be as depressing as the Lois Lane miniseries.
Doc agrees to investigate, having Tina break into a government facility in an admittedly well-drawn scene.
Aaaand the rest of the Metal Men get blown up, along with whatshername.
While they don’t die, I don’t like her chances after taking a mercury bath.
Turns out that the kids of “Babylab” have developed super-intelligence and telekinetic powers. Plus they are being kept hostage by the main reason this storyline sucks: Doctor StrangeGlove.
I can’t stress enough how WEIRD it is to have a baby murder plot mixed with Doctor StrangeGlove.
WTF was Martin Pasko smoking in this period!?
METAL MEN 53 (1977)
by Martin Pasko & Joe Staton
cover by Jim Aparo
Told you the story was way worse than it looked.
With their creepy powers, the babies can turn the Doc Magnus Awfulness Scale back to 10/10.
There’s being tongue-in-cheek, there’s being goofy, and then there’s this crap.
At this point you might be thinking: “Doctor StrangeGlove is a bad name, but a villain with a cybernetic hand can’t possibly be lame”.
Well…
Dude, you have a typewriter for a hand and an army of babies. You can’t possibly make that sound cool.
I’ve covered some absurd origin stories in my reviews, but Doctor StrangeGlove is hard to top.
Is it any wonder that this idiot ends up turning one of his slave babies into a giant maniac?
I swear nothing makes sense in this story.
Also why do these mind powers don’t work through lead? The babies got their powers from radiation, but how is that pertinent!?
Doctor StrangeGlove is defeated with all the dignity he deserves.
And so we end with Tina being angry that she can’t adopt the babies.
Metal Men significance: 0/10
Vox and Doctor StrangeGlove never show up again. THANK GOD.
Silver Age-ness: 106/10
Does it stand the test of time? 0/10 
Issues when not a single Metal Man dies: 22
Interesting letters: there’s a bit of an ongoing controversy, with the letters being split between fans of more serious stories and more lighthearted ones.
Weirdly enough issue 49 gets a lot of criticism for being bad… taste is subjective of course, but I don’t get the hate. These are all from separate letters:
The same person writing to say he hates issue #49 because it’s too different from the Kanigher era is also praising the failed Sekowsky relaunch, which goes to show that in any era the fandom is just impossible to please.
The editor replies to say, in the most polite way possible, that Sekowky’s run sucked so much it practically ended the series!
