METAL MEN 47 (1976)
by Gerry Conway & Walt Simonson
The last Gerry Conway story before a 5-issue run by Martin Pasko. Conway will then return for the remaining 3 issues before the series ends.
We continue the long Metal Men tradition of beginning in the middle of the story. This time the team is fighting in Antarctica, of all places.
We then move to a flashback to understand how we got here, beginning with an Antarctic base being attacked by a robot made of cadmium. Because naturally it’s something anyone is able to tell at a glance. (????)
And that’s not all: Cadmium is followed by Tungsten, Barium, Chromium and the most lethal metal there is: “And More”.
So it’s understandable that once the Metal Men are found to be wandering near the base (more on that later), the soldiers believe they are also involved in the attack.
The guns don’t bother the Metal Men all that much. But not only they have bazookas, they know to aim for the bracelets that allow the robots to avoid freezing to death!
Well, relatively speaking.
This immobilizes all the Metal Men, except Mercury who is the most vulnerable to extreme cold (I suppose he can’t move if he’s below his freezing point?), so his remains are left behind.
That’s going to leave him out of the rest of the issue, and naturally it counts as a death for him.
The rest are just hauled to the base. So even in genuinely good stories the Metal Men still suck at the whole superhero thing.
Fortunately for them their military liaison is at the base, so he orders his men to thaw the robots.
As a reminder, Tina is still stuck in her “horny for robots” subplot.
But how DID the Metal Men end up in Antarctica? We are treated to a flashback inside a flashback, when Doc rebuilt the team after last issue.
I look forward to completely forgetting anything about whatshername, Doc’s latest love interest.
Normally this would lead to Tina trying to murder whatshername, but she’s into robots now.
Ah, Metal Men, you always give me so much material. Definitely saving this one for later use.
Last issue Chemo threw the vault with Doc’s ransom money into orbit… but he has calculated it has landed in Antarctica, so that’s why he sent the Metal Men there.
Walt Simonson will later write and draw an AMAZING run of Fantastic Four; you can really see his love for drawing impossible machines and people with stretching powers.
The flashback continues with the Metal Men being attacked by another elemental robot: Liquid Oxygen. We already had Oxygen all the way back in Metal Men #6, but this is considered a separate thing. Also don’t think too hard HOW you could possibly make a robot out of liquid oxygen.
Aaaand Tin dies. This takes place earlier than the beginning of the story; I didn’t even notice Tin was not among the captured robots!
We are FINALLY done with the flashbacks once we learn who has been behind this entire thing and also has kidnapped Doc Magnus: it’s the pipe-smoking PLUTONIUM MAN!!!
I suppose when you’re made of plutonium you really don’t care about getting cancer from smoking.
And he’s the one building all these new elemental robots because A) he has Doc’s intelligence B) being radioactive gives him elemental powers.
Sounds legit.
But why has PLUTONIUM MAN been after the vault recovered from Venice?
Except… he’s not only Doc, but technically he’s a Metal Man. Which means he’s A COMPLETE MORON.
Well maybe I shouldn’t be too harsh of the Metal Men from this period, because they actually managed to track down PLUTONIUM MAN.
The Metal Men are actually working with the army base personnel this time, for all the good that does: Tina is the first one to die.
Followed by Iron.
However it’s Lead that reveals himself as the true MVP of this issue, preventing Liquid Helium from going critical and killing everybody. I suppose this means that all of PLUTONIUM MAN’s drones can turn into plutonium? At any rate, Lead dies.
However it’s Gold who manages to defeat PLUTONIUM MAN by slingshooting him into a fissure. Now sure how he’s even able to touch him, considering Iron melted down when he fought PM.
Gold is the only one who doesn’t die in this issue. I believe it’s a first for him.
And so we end the issue with two revelations: that the ransom plot was meaningless since the government didn’t really care for the money (now that’s something you don’t hear every day)…
…and the Tina subplot was also meaningless, because of course it was.
I would make some jokes about this ending, but…
Metal Men significance: 5/10
In the grand scheme of things it’s not much, but it’s technically the conclusion to the storyline that started back when Doc went missing.
Silver Age-ness: 6/10
Remember last issue when suddenly radiation was lethal? Doc has been standing around a robot that is basically a walking nuclear reactor, and he’s fine. Confirming my suspicion that he’s immortal.
Does it stand the test of time? 9/10
There are a few pacing issues caused by the decision to have flashbacks within flashbacks, and Tina’s subplot is barely a thing. But damn if this isn’t a thoroughly enjoyable superhero story! Conway even manages to capture some of the old zaniness, from PLUTIONIUM MAN dressing up to the genuinely amusing scene of him burning away the money.
Number of elements: 54
Oh boy. Adding Cadmium, Tungsten, Barium, Chromium, Liquid Oxygen and Liquid Helium
Times Nameless has died: 5
Times Platinum has died: 17
Times Mercury has died: 19
Times Gold has died: 20
Times Lead has died: 22
Times Tin has died: 23
Times Iron has died: 23