METAL MEN 45 (1976)
by Steve Gerber & Walt Simonson
We begin a new era for the Metal Men: after six years of absence from the last story, they return for a new run that will only last until issue 56 and the title’s cancellation.
Walt Simonson (in his first regular series!!!) will be the artist for 5 issues and man, is he a sight for sore eyes after Sekowsky.
Steve Gerber will only write this issue, to be replaced by Martin Pasko and Gerry Conway.
We begin with the Metal Men trying to open a safe, and it’s a return to their roots: Mercury almost says his catchphrase…
…Tin is useless…
…Tina is the only one to actually accomplish anything…
…while Iron and Gold were disguising themselves as the safe and the gold inside, meaning they are so bland they don’t have any role to play. These ARE the Metal Men, after all!!!
While the Metal Men re-introduce themselves to the readers some college students, how is Doc Magnus doing?
He looks fine to me.
So what happened to Doc? He was rescued OFF-PANEL (more on that later) and is being kept under observation by the military.
Well clearly the best way to treat a super-scientist who stole nuclear weapons is to give him a state-of-the-art laboratory and tell him to go nuts.
Meanwhile the Metal Men are discriminated by being considered nudists.
Well… they ARE naked, I supposed.
Naked or not, they do manage to be somewhat good at being heroes once someone tries to rob the hotel.
To highlight how different this era is going to be, people react to the Metal Men in different ways.
Well that was surprisingly grounded for the Metal Men. How about some old-fashioned nonsense, like Doc creating PLUTONIUM MAN ?
Leaving aside the fact that so much plutonium should already reach critical mass on its own, how are these people not already dead due to the radiation? Because glass.
Sounds legit.
Also: if you see glass in a superhero comic, it’s going to get smashed.
The man responsible for unleashing PLUTONIUM MAN is actually a spy for the fictional country of Karnia. Nice touch of integrating the six year publication gap into the story, in a way.
The problem is that Doc programmed PLUTONIUM MAN based on his own mind, so…
Doc explains that PLUTONIUM MAN is too powerful for the Metal Men, and it proves him right.
This is so extreme that the spy working for a dictatorship sacrifices himself to buy the Metal Men some time!!!
If you are surprised by the fact that Tina is the only one capable of defeating PLUTONIUM MAN, you haven’t been paying attention to my reviews.
And so we end with a final panel acknowledging that most of Washington D.C. was horribly contaminated by radiation (!!!!!) and with the promise of rebuilding the Metal Men.
There are no letters in the letters page, but an extended explanation about the return of the Metal Men, starting with a recap of their creation… over a weekend to meet a deadline.
We’re not holding punches against the utterly failed relaunch. It’s rare to see DC Comics (or even Marvel) be this honest about their mistakes.
As I said the resolution of the cliffhanger left behind by the previous team is quickly recapped in this letters page.
Metal Men significance: 7/10
A new status quo, plus PLUTONIUM MAN will return.
Silver Age-ness: 0/10
People die from radiation, so…
Does it stand the test of time? 9/10
Now THIS is how you do a Metal Men story!!! It has action, it has comedy, it has character development, it has a message but doesn’t beat you over the head with it, it has good writing, it has GREAT artwork… it’s just a good story overall.
The only thing preventing it from a 10/10 is acknowledging the enormous impact of unleashing this much radiation in a major city… in the final panel alone. I don’t think that would fly today.
Number of elements: 48
Adding PLUTONIUM MAN. It’s different enough from Plutonium from all the way back of Metal Men #2, so it counts.
“Mercury is the only liquid metal at room temperature”: 16
Times Nameless has died: 5
Times Platinum has died: 16
Times Mercury has died: 17
Times Gold has died: 19
Times Lead has died: 20
Times Tin has died: 21
Times Iron has died: 22