The final two issues before the series goes on a three year hiatus, only to publish reprints for an additional three years.
Yep, after those two issues there will be a gap of SIX YEARS before any new stories… so you might imagine how great they are.
METAL MEN 40 (1969)
by Mike Sekowsky
I do have something positive to say about “the new Metal Men”: they have okay covers and… yeah that’s about it.
Last issue Mr. Conan informed the Metal Men he had news about Doc Magnus… but he takes his sweet time to actually say anything.
Specifically, Doc has been kidnapped by the Karnak, the brutal dictator of Kania.
The Metal Men’s mission is not to rescue their creator, but to hunt him down because Karnak experimented on Doc Magnus to make him insane.
They probably did the same on whoever thought THIS balloon placement was a good idea.
So Doc Magnus is insane now.
Yes.
“NOW”.
So, uhm, yeah. Doc has gone a liiiiittle overboard.
WE GET IT!!!
So the Metal Men have to be parachuted into Karnak… wait, why do they need parachutes!? They’re shapeshifters, they can BE parachutes if they want!!!
It’s been a couple of issues since the last time the Metal Men fought some robots.
Wait wait wait. Lead can change his weight? SINCE WHEN? This is a massive thing to intraduct in such a throwaway caption!!!
This has to be the lamest Metal Men fight scene ever.
Which is really saying something considering they once lost to a mannequin so badly that they got brain damage for a couple of panels!!!
The Metal Men decide to infiltrate Karnak’s army, so they steal their uniforms… which means Tina needs to get an haircut from Mercury.
That moment tells you everything you need for why this relaunch utterly failed. I’m serious!
It’s not that Tina gets a new look… I actually like it better. But that scene is just wrong.
Okay, so Tina needs shorter hair to wear the helmet. If that is her “real” hair, can’t she just make it shorter with her shapeshifting ability? If it’s a wig, why does she need someone else to cut it, considering she can turn her OWN hands into scissors?
The reason the scene is a good example is that you can replace the shapeshifting robots with ANY OTHER CHARACTER and you would not be able to tell the difference!
And that’s the issue of this relaunch in a nutshell: the Metal Men are forced to stay within a rather generic setting, no matter whether it works or not.
And speaking of not working: are ALL the Karnak soldiers robot or not? Maybe some are robots and some are humans? Either way, having a security team checking for papers makes little sense.
The Metal Men manage to infiltrate the headquarters… and in true Metal Men fashion, they accomplish exactly nothing.
Also WTF is Gold/Iron/Tin/Lead doing in this panel!? (I have no clue which one it is)
That would be an exaggerated pose if Tina was doing it.
To be honest, the Metal Men eventually accomplish SOMETHING: burning down the computer that controls Karnak’s robots.
Mostly by accident, if the dialogue is to be believed.
They also manage to murder the dictator, but again, by accident. Because the dictator is a freaking moron.
Tina corners Doc Magnus, but she loves him too much to shoot him.
Naturally Doc has no problems with it.
This would be tragic if the rest of the comic wouldn’t suck so badly.
That counts as a death for Tina, though this time it’s not going to be Doc to repair her.
Interesting letters: both issues show letters divided between positive and negative responses to the change in the status quo, so it was probably a controversial thing throughout the period.
The cancellation was probably in the air at this point.
METAL MEN 41 (1970)
by Mike Sekowsky
At least this time you can tell it’s the Metal Men… BARELY, but still.
Tina requires extensive repairs after last issue. I do find it interesting that it takes a whole team of scientists to do something Doc Magnus used to do on his own every other day.
Well at least they TRY to repair her.
Her secret identity is also secretly killed off.
Also, if you thought going from Doc Magnus to Mr Conan was an upgrade: he’s ALSO a jackass.
Well considering the premise the story is going to be about the efforts to fix Tina, right?
Nope! It’s about Doc Magnus STEALING A NUKE.
Wait wait wait… you mean to tell me the US Air Force used to transport ARMED NUCLEAR MISSILES on trucks!?!?
Sounds legit.
Doc Magnus wants 10 billion dollars (in 1970 dollars; it would be 74 billions today), and he can’t be stopped because there might be an avalanche.
CLEARLY something you call the Metal Men for!!!
So the Metal Men’s greatest challenge is going to be… climbing a mountain. Nothing against climbers, but that’s lame!!!
Yep. This story starring shapeshifting robots working as secret agents against a mad scientist from firing a nuclear weapon… is now about climbing a mountain.
Okay, to be fair it’s not just about climbing. It’s also about fighting Doc’s robots, who trap Iron by immobilizing his hand.
Talk about anticlimactic. Also don’t think too hard HOW the robot was able to prevent Iron from crushing it from the inside… it’s clear Sekowsky didn’t think this through either.
So that was anticlimactic. Is at least the climbing action compelling or fun?
Well that was a slog. But at least once they get to the top ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?
They IMMEDIATELY fall into a trapdoor!!!
Doc Magnus has gone full James Bond villain, hasn’t he?
Iron is taking charge this issue, going to fight Doc one-on-one…
…or rather, the Magnusbot ™.
And the Metal Men fail anyway: the government pays the ransom (WHAT?!?!) and Iron’s crotch has to be operated. That counts as a death for him.
And we end the story with Tina having recovered. The cop who fell for her last issue proposes, but naturally we’ll never hear from him again.
Admit it, you completely forgot about the dude.
In fact, like I’ve mentioned at the start of the review, we won’t hear from the Metal Men for SIX YEARS.
Issue #42 will be published three years late, only featuring reprints. So will issues #43 and #44.
By the time #45 came out, NOBODY cared about the dangling plotlines from this relaunch… most of it will be dealt with by captions or by the letters page.
Heck even I don’t care about those four issues and I’m reviewing the entire series!!!
Metal Men significance: 0/10
Silver Age-ness: 3/10
Does it stand the test of time? 0/10
Times Nameless has died: 5
Times Platinum has died: 15
Times Mercury has died: 16
Times Gold has died: 18
Times Lead has died: 19
Times Tin has died: 20
Times Iron has died: 21
Interesting letters: there is no indication that this is the last regular issue, but clearly they knew what was coming.
The editor clearly doesn’t give a crap anymore and is just as upset as the readers. Even Mort Weisinger wasn’t this hostile in the letters page!
