METAL MEN 26 (1967)
by Robert Kanigher & Ross Andru
The cover depicts the most serious threat of the issue.
Yep.
Tina has been invited to attend a prom (????), but Doc is not giving her the time of the day since he’s busy building the robot from the cover.
She goes anyway, and it’s even kind of fun.
Unfortunately the prom is interrupted by *sigh* the Metal Mods.
And yes, they ARE robots.
What is it with Kanigher and robots being affected by gas exactly like humans? This seems to be a recurring thing with the Metal Men!
They end up kidnapping Tina because ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
The Metal Men end up using Tin to reach their ship… which is definitely within walking distance.
I get trying to make Tin feel useful, but this is just pathetic.
The Metal Mods are transporting Tina on a helicopter, and in order to leave a trail to the Metal Men she uses her toe.
So… the Metal Men have toes beneath their boots? Aren’t the boots part of their bodies!?
You can’t convince me this is not a fetish for those robots.
The Metal Men think Tina has been kidnapped because Platinum is the most valuable among them… but if that were the case, why leave Gold behind?
To buy them some time, Tina decides to ““““dance”””” for the Metal Mods.
AND IT WORKS.
The Metal Men crash the party, with Tin and Nameless volunteering to act as shields.
What a surprise: it doesn’t work. AT ALL.
At least Lead does SOMETHING. Remind me again why we need Tin on the team?
Then Gold saves the team with his balls.
I regret nothing.
And now ladies and gentlemen… oh yes, this is when the story goes completely bonkers.
Yes.
NOW.
Yep. The Metal Mods are FROM SPACE.
The Metal Mods are indeed robots, but they have their own robots… which are actually humans!?
The “human robots” have freezing rays, and they freeze every Metal Man (including Mercury).
Remember that detail because it’s going to be hilarious later.
We discover that the “human robots” are not actually humans at all, but androids.
Which makes slightly more sense, but still…
Turns out the androids actually know the best possible use for the Metal Men.
Unfortunately for Tina and Nameless, all the androids are girls and we couldn’t possibly have a girl robot dancing with a girl android.
That would be ridiculous, right?
But it’s only a trick to defeat the androids!!!
I hate to admit it, but that was actually pretty funny.
And so the Metal Men liberate the robot planet, returning to Earth without having learned anything.
Turns out they were slightly off base when they were tracing the signal… BY LIGHT YEARS, because it was actually an SOS sent by Doc Magnus.
Remember the robot on the cover? He only shows up at PAGE 23 of a story that is, get ready for it, only 23 AND A HALF PAGES.
He’s defeated in the same page!!!
With stories with a plot as meandering as this one, I like to write a one-sentence summary to point out its absurdity. This time the Metal Men do that for me!
Metal Men significance: 1/10
We have a complete redesign of the flying saucer, so that’s SOMETHING.
Silver Age-ness: 109/10
Does it stand the test of time? 0/10
Planet of evil robots: 12
A planet with TWO robot races, no less.
Issues when not a single Metal Man dies: 10
Interesting letters: half of the letters page is dedicated to an extremely accurate reasoning for the failures of the series. It’s pretty long, but I think it’s interesting enough to show it in its entirety.
Note just how spot on he is about Mercury being frozen together with the others: it happens in this exact issue as well!!!
But perhaps Robert Kanigher’s answer is even more fascinating.
Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a comic book writer completely agree with a critique of this kind. Kanigher had a reputation for being difficult to work with, but if this is representative of how he treated his readers he must’ve been a class act.
It almost makes me feel bad for making fun of his work!