METAL MEN 24 (1967)
by Robert Kanigher & Ross Andru
You know, one might get the impression that the Metal Men are quite silly.
And watching them fight Balloon Man, you’d be perfectly right!
We begin with Tina being jealous of Sizzler, accusing Doc Magnus of being more interested in the near-omnipotent energy being than in her.
And it’s hard to say she’s wrong!
And we don’t waste any time getting silly because SUDDEN BALLOON!!!
Now I know what you’re thinking: “How is that dangerous, IT’S A BALLOON!!!”.
Clearly a menace worthy of the Metal Men’s time.
This is the correct reaction to Balloon Man.
How is laughing gas working on robots?!!?!?
Well clearly this demands the full attention of the Metal Men, right?
Nope!
Are people paying for them to stop these performances? That’s the only explanation making any amount of sense.
At this point I’m rooting for Balloon Man.
You guys are just f##king useless, you know that right?
No, lady, if this issue is demonstrating something is that the Metal Men have NOTHING important to do!!!
We are really meant to believe that Balloon Man is a credible foe when, in fact, HE’S A BALLOON.
In the end the Metal Man FINALLY manage to defeat Balloon Man by MURDER.
Once again I have to stress that people were actually paid to write, draw, color, letter, edit, publish and distribute this thing. WITH MONEY.
For crying out loud, Balloon Man shows up in “Teen Titans Go! To The Movies” and he’s more dignified IN A PARODY COMEDY.
Metal Men significance: 0/10
Silver Age-ness: 109/10
Does it stand the test of time? 0/10
Number of elements: 29
It might be cheating a bit, but I’m counting Balloon Man as an elemental robot as he has SOME form of shapeshifting.
Issues when not a single Metal Man dies: 9
Interesting letters: remember how the abysmal Metal Men #21 called out regular letter writer Irene Vartanoff? Well, she responded.
The Metal Men in that story were “brilliant” and “near-human”. REALLY.
They were dumb enough to mistake cardboard for humans!!! WTF, Irene!?
