SHOWCASE 37 (1962)
by Robert Kanigher & Ross Andru
Beginning a new retrospective: the Metal Men, one of the craziest parts of the DC Universe.
They’ll get their own series after only 4 appearances on Showcase.
We begin with the death of the dinosaurs.
Apparently the meteorite that caused their extinction was radioactive (???) and it created this weird flying manta monster, which awakes in the present.
I know what you’re thinking: isn’t this the beginning of a Kaiju movie?
Only one person can save the day: super-scientist Dr. Magnus.
The colonel finds the scientist dancing with a beautiful but weird metal lady.
She is the first member of the Metal Men that we met: Platinum, almost universally called Tina.
Tina is… uhm… basically a nuclear-powered shape-shifting super-stalker.
She’s by far the robot with the most defined personality. Then we meet the rest of the Metal Men.
Yes Tina is very shallow and stereotypical, but consider her competition.
- Gold is the smart one. He’s extremely dull and boring.
- Lead is the dumb and slow one.
- Iron is the strong one, possibly even more boring than Gold.
- Mercury is the annoying hothead who is the only metal liquid at room temperature who JUST WON’T SHUT UP ABOUT IT.
- Tin is the stuttering coward one.
And let’s not forget Dr. Magnus, who gives Superman a run for his money for being just. The. Worst.
Now we learn one of the main gimmicks of the Metal Men: they are all shapeshifters.
The “relationship” between Tina and Dr.Magnus basically boils down to:
A) she loves him even if he treats her like dirt
B) he either ignores her or seems to hate her guts
What a nice couple.
Tina might be certifiably insane, but it’s often hard to side with Dr. Magnus.
The Metal Men work like a well-oiled machine.
The team reaches the monster on their flying saucer (don’t ask) and something something chemistry something.
Basically the plan is to throw a giant metal ball at the monster. Who reacts “like a tidal wave tossing a piece of cork”. (???)
Dr. Magnus SOMEHOW survives the fall.
The monster tries to finish the job with its radioactive eye beams (???) but Tin sacrifices his life to save the others.
Lead shields the team from the second blast, and he’s understandably better than Tin at blocking radiation.
Since Gold is more malleable than the others (not that it’s showcased often), he’s able to lasso the monster by using Iron as an anchor.
Except the monster is so strong that he drags them into the ocean and they die.
Dr.Magnus reassures the military that him and the last two remaining Metal Men can still save the day, forgetting that Platinum is still around.
His plan involves using Mercury, by reminding him that… oh crap… DON’T ENCOURAGE HIM!!!
The plan isn’t bad at all: basically Dr. Magnus wants to asphyxiate the monster. The mercury poisoning is a bonus!
That would work if this was a regular animal, but this is a Kaiju so OF COURSE it runs on atomic power.
Tina immobilizes the monster’s wings and Lead blocks its radioactivity, forcing it to crash.
The monster is destroyed for good, but the last three Metal Men die in the process.
It’s okay, though. Dying is kind of their thing.
Metal Men significance: 10/10
Obviously, being their first appearance and all.
Silver Age-ness: 7/10
A giant radioactive monster who survived the extinction of the dinosaurs goes on a rampage and is stopped by some shapeshifting robots? That’s basically Tuesday for DC.
Does it stand the test of time? 6/10
Surprisingly well… when it comes to the plot. The characterization is pretty abysmal: none of the “male” robots is interesting in the slightest, Dr.Magnus is profoundly unlikely, and the less said about the way he treats Platinum the better. Still, you can’t deny this is a fun ride and there’s definitely a structure to build upon.
Number of elements: 6
There will be more elemental robots across the series, but let’s start with he original six
“Mercury is the only liquid metal at room temperature”: 2
You complimented him on this ONCE, Magnus. This means that HE WILL NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT IT.
Times Gold has died: 1
Times Iron has died: 1
Times Lead has died: 1
Times Mercury has died: 1
Times Platinum has died: 1
Times Tin has died: 1
One of the main gimmicks of the Metal Men is that they die. A LOT.