Secret Wars II – Page 18 – Comics Archeology

Dazzler will be a significant part of issue 4 from this series, so a review of that story was always going to happen.
I’ve already gone through the first series, going so far as to covering all the Molecule Man appearances prior to it, so… what the heck, let’s suffer together through this one.

I won’t be reviewing the tie-ins, though, mostly for three reasons:
A) some of them are really good, and it wouldn’t be so much fun
B) most of them have BARELY any connection to the main story
C) there are 32 tie-ins, and there’s no way I can cover ALL of them
I may end up reviewing SOME of those, though. But let’s start from the beginning.

Secret Wars II #1 (1985)
by Jim Shooter & Al Milgrom
cover by John Byrne

One of the reasons Secret Wars II wasn’t well received is the artwork: Al Milgrom is a fantastic inker, a good writer and a terrible artist.
At least having the cover by John Byrne (apparently since Shooter rejected an earlier Sal Buscema version) helps, but we run into the second problem… despite the title, this can hardly be considered a true sequel to the first Secret Wars.

A better title would’ve been “The Beyonder”, because he will be the focus of the entire thing.
The series will be extremely schizophrenic in the sense that there are two main aspects that are constantly fighting for the spotlight:
A) a philosophical discourse on the nature of consciousness, desire, personal growth and reality itself, from the point of view of a truly otherworldly being
B) goofy crap
The two aspects don’t work together, AT ALL. But when series focuses on the philosophical stuff, it’s much better than its reputation would suggest.

But let’s start from the beginning, with the Beyonder moving into the Marvel Universe.

Professor X is the first one to sense the arrival of the Beyonder. Is it just me or is Al Milgrom trying to get as close to the Sienkiewicz style for this scene? Not saying it’s working.

Professor X is in no shape to do much thanks to some X-Men shenanigans, so he decides to warn Captain America of all people.

Captain America happens to be on a civilian plane at the moment (just go with it), and he uses his authority to change its course. Despite having no idea of what he’s actually going to do if the Beyonder is on Earth.

The Beyonder has taken a physical form, a combination of all the heroes and villains he met on Battleworld… which is a better look than his eventual final one, believe it or not.
It makes some sense that he’d go to Molecule Man for help, because he’s the closest thing to his level of power on the planet.
Molecule Man’s budding relationship with Volcana was one of the best things of the original Secret War, but in this series she’s written as an idiot obsessed with eating and watching TV.

While I really don’t like this dumbed-down version of Volcana, the idea that Molecule Man has reached his full potential and still prefers a normal life is fascinating.
The dude can do pretty much anything at this point, but he’s fine staying home watching TV. I can believe that’s what most people would do if they had ultimate power.

Still, Molecule Man is also dumbed down. Because it’s a bit hard to accept he would simply let the Beyonder go like this.

And then we move into the “goofy crap” category. Because once the Beyonder goes to Los Angeles he runs into a cartoon writer that is actually a sort of parody of Steve Gerber, the creator of Howard the Duck.

Steve Gerber had a rocky relationship with Marvel in general and Shooter in particular, so this feels a bit mean-spirited. According to Jim Shooter, though, Gerber thought this was in good fun.

Stewart Cadwall was the name. Originally it was “Gadwall.” A Gadwall is a duck. Mike Hobson advised going to “Cadwall,” so as to leave ducks — obviously a sore spot — out of it. It wasn’t an “anti-Steve Gerber caricature,” though it was meant to poke some fun at Steve. Steve loved it. He even sent me a rave fan letter.
Later, when things got contentious between Steve and Marvel again, his lawyers rattled their sabers about my lampooning Steve. We showed them Steve’s letter and that ended that.
JIM SHOOTER

The Beyonder meets the writer by taking the form of Molecule Man, and we begin what is supposed to be the main theme of the entire series: the Beyonder trying to understand the concept of wanting something, since it’s totally alien for him.

The Beyonder gives a tiny fraction of his power to the writer, who is transformed into Thundersword.

I swear his girlfriend must be narcoleptic. How can she fall asleep when a god just showed up!? BE IMPRESSED, DAMMIT!!!

If you’re wondering WTF this has to do with Secret Wars… I’ve got nothing.

In addition to warning Captain America, Xavier also warned Magneto… who had reformed at this point… who gathered the X-Men and the New Mutants to go after the Beyonder.
And they decide to look for him by driving around in their car.
Get used to superheroes acting like braindead idiots, it will happen A LOT in this miniseries.

They’re here for the obligatory dumb fight. And since the Beyonder is utterly invincible, they’ll have to settle with fighting Thundersword.

Even if this guy has a fraction of the Beyonder’s power, it’s a very miniscule fraction and he’s a complete moron… should he really give such a hard time to the X-Men?
Get used to superheroes completely losing any sense of strategy, it will happen A LOT in this miniseries.

Now… I get why Shooter is doing this. It’s supposed to be about the Beyonder observing how humans react to be given any amount of power.
But maybe, just maybe, don’t dedicate the majority of the first issue to a complete idiot who doesn’t really have ANYTHING to say!?!?

This is where Captain America reaches the scene, alerted by the chaos created by Thundersword.
I should also point out that Dazzler is among the heroes recruited by Magneto, since she was hanging out with the New Mutants.
Weird that Cap immediately recognizes her, considering her look is completely different from the last time they met!

Shooter was the one to power-up Dazzler, giving her the ability to store the energy inside her without the need to always have sound nearby. I guess he forgot about it.

Rachel Summers from the New Mutants, being a telepath, senses that there is someone nearby. So the Beyonder returns to his physical form (again, a copy of Molecule Man).

Captain America, Magneto and the X-Men are busy with Thundersword, and since they’re the only ones present who have met Molecule Man, the New Mutants don’t make the connection.

And then the Beyonder then transforms Magik from the New Mutants into her demonic form and sends the New Mutants into her Limbo dimension. This comes out of absolutely nowhere, and if you’re not reading New Mutants, you’re probably completely lost.
It’s also a jarring action from the Beyonder: why would he do this!?

Remember what I said about heroes being idiots in this series?
Wolverine just saw the New Mutants being teleported, but A) he immediately assumes they’ve been murdered B) he doesn’t recognize the Beyonder looks exactly like Molecule Man C) he immediately goes for the kill!!!

This freaks out Lila Cheney (the teleporting singer hanging out with the New Mutants) so much that she teleports the X-Men away.

Captain America is not left alone, because this is when Iron Man shows up to help.
(this is not Tony Stark but Rhodey, for complicated reasons)

Once he drops his…uhm, thundersword… Thundersword loses all his powers.

I sure am glad we spent so much time on this dude.

And we end this story with the Beyonder following Captain America.

That’s because at the end of Captain America #308, the Beyonder will transform himself into a physical copy of Cap. Which is why we’ll meet him as a blond in the second issue.

Historical significance: 6/10
The Beyonder will be a Very Big Deal soon, but here he barely does anything.

Silver Age-ness: 4/10
The ridiculousness is at a minimum, for now.

Does it stand the test of time? 3/10
This is just meandering. The Beyonder isn’t a character yet, so he just gets to spout a few very generic questions. Thundersword is just a waste of pages, so his fight with the heroes is incredibly boring. It’s only the first issue and already the Beyonder gets tangled in scenes that have no reason to be there.

Thundersword will return a couple of months later, in Iron Man #197.
To give you an idea of how dumb this guy is… he didn’t really lose his powers, he just gave himself a weakness for no reason at all.

And he still has the dumbest of motivations for going on a rampage.

He seemingly dies after Iron Man punches him into the ocean.

He won’t be seen again for 31 years (!!!), until he shows up again in 2016 in Captain Marvel vol.9 #8. Shockingly enough they DO reference the Iron Man story!

This was part of the Civil War 2 storyline which had to do with precognitive abilities, so the idea is that Thundersword is being investigated for a crime he hasn’t committed yet.

He’s just as pathetic as he used to be, but he’s also slightly sympathetic. He also managed to get a family.

So Thundersword is basically just a red herring. At least Black Panther pays his bail.

His reason for being in the story is that his powers are stolen by Alpha Flight villain “Master Of The World”, who might have an over-the-top name but is a great villain.