MARVEL SUPER HEROES SECRET WARS #9 (1985)
by Jim Shooter & Mike Zeck
Not a whole lot of Doctor Doom scenes in this one, but the following 3 issues will be so overwhelmingly Doom that it makes more sense to keep this one separate.
The X-Men are fighting Galactus, except Colossus who is still simping for Zsaji.
And it’s a hard fight: the X-Men are going to give it their best if they want to survive!
They don’t.
Just kidding, but this takes the X-Men out of the story until page 16.
Going back a bit, the Hulk is sad because he’s slowly losing his humanity again…
…and the Thing is sad because he mysteriously turned human in a previous issue.
The reason for his transformation will be explained; the reason why he’s hanging around in his underwear won’t.
Except he changes into the Thing when he really, REALLY wants to.
I just noticed that we basically don’t know anything about Spider-Woman, and yet she’s hanging around the heroes like she belongs.
That’s fine for Iron Man; that’s Rhodey under the armor, not Tony Stark, but he’s just as horny.
This is also when the rest of the heroes learns that Spider-Man got his new costume last issue.
Notice the minor continuity error of his new webbing being more resistant to fire than the old one: it’s coming from the suit that will eventually become half of Venom, so it should be weaker to fire since that’s one of the symbiote’s signature weaknesses. Oops.
Also Spider-Man attitude of “f##k it, I’ll just go with the flow” is honestly refreshing when compared to his more typical angst. And I say that as a huge Spidey fan, but sometimes not taking things too seriously SHOULD be an option for him.
This gets Reed thinking hard about the plot of the series. It’s quite rare for the plot to deconstruct itself!
“Is he a mad god or a cosmic idiot?” is a legitimate question that doesn’t get answered in Secret Wars.
No, we’ll have to wait for Secret Wars II for that.
Cosmic idiot, gotcha.
(anyone who hasn’t read Secret Wars II has no idea what I’m talking about. Those who have are probably sighing)
Where was I? Oh, right. Galactus.
Don’t worry, we have both Captain America and the smartest man in the world to…
Oh crap.
Jokes aside, this is a brilliant use of Reed. He’ll later discuss the emotional side as well, but it all comes down to only two possible outcomes of them not stopping Galactus:
A) Galactus attacks the Beyonder and wins the chance to get his hunger fixed, so the universe will not have to deal with a giant with a funny hat eating planets
B) Galactus attacks the Beyonder and loses, meaning still no funny hats
This IS a bit at odds with the rationalization Reed had in the Fantastic Four series, when he was put to trial for saving the life of Galactus… but THAT occasion didn’t feature a cosmic being superior to Galactus, at least not until they needed a deus ex machina for the finale.
I love to death that story, but the logic behind THIS moment is far more sound.
Then Galactus kidnaps Reed for a little chat.
You might remember the reason why Invisible Girl isn’t in this series is that she was pregnant, and Galactus shows Reed that she hasn’t given birth yet.
It’s a bittersweet moment: at the time Secret Wars #9 was published, she’s already had a miscarriage in the pages of Fantastic Four. But this issue is set before that.
I can’t help but think the extremely brief “No” by Galactus is meant to signify he knows that Susan will miscarry and doesn’t want to tell Reed… I wouldn’t put it past him.
He’s a big softy for a giant planet eater with a funny hat.
Not that it matters much, because the encounter has left Reed even MORE confused.
When the fight against Galactus continues, however, he’s changed his mind and eventually does decide that fighting for their lives is the right thing to do.
Now you might be thinking, “Is there going to be any Doctor Doom in this Doctor Doom retrospective?”.
Doom frees Klaw, who is going to absolutely essential for his plan.
Also, Klaw’s reaction to being told he’s going to be dissected is just priceless… I’m going to really miss this version of him when the series is over.
Though I’m pretty sure Doom is currently thinking of a way to give him anesthesia just to make him shut up for a minute.
Of importance is the fact that the Beyonder has opened his portal to better watch what’s going on.
Either that or to admire Zeck drawing Doom.
Zeck gets some criticism for his artwork in this series sometimes, which to me is mostly undeserved. But I think anyone agrees he draws a great Doom.
While Doom is busy, how are the heroes doing against Galactus?
The heroes only damaged his tech, which only helps make the eating process more efficient. Galactus is in such a hurry, however, that he decides to skip the planet and eat his own spaceship first.
The AWESOME splash page depicting the process also showcases just how massive it is.
And so we end with Galactus juuuust ready to absorb all that energy…
…and we end here for now, because next issue will have some of the most Doctor Doomiest moments in comics history.
Doom significance: 6/10
Instrumental for next issue, despite the limited space.
Silver Age-ness: 6/10
Doom dissecting a man made of sound in order to make lenses. Sure, why not.
Does it stand the test of time? 7/10
Not a lot happens in the grand scheme of things, and as usual the X-Men are pretty wasted. But Reed’s dilemma really works, plus the action is mostly fun.
Crazy tech
Doom specifically says he had to create the equipment for what he’s about to do in MINUTES. No spoiler for what he’s going to do it, but… damn that’s fast!!!