Super-Sons – Page 14 – Comics Archeology

We have reached an important milestone in the World’s Finest retrospective: the Super-Sons.
In fact, reaching this part is 90% of the reason I started looking at the earlier issues.
The rest of the World’s Finest issues I will cover, with a couple of exceptions, will be Super-Sons stories. Why is this so significant?
Because I consider the Super-Sons one of the worst things published before Crisis, and in particular the worst that World’s Finest has to offer.
That’s right: all those insane issues we have seen so far?
THEY WERE THE GOOD ONES.

World’s Finest #215 (1973)
by Bob Haney & Dick Dillin
cover by Nick Cardy

Way to make a good impression, kids. Also: why is there a giant poster of Superman and Batman in a random alley?

We begin with the death of the Super-Sons.

Well that was fast.

Historical significance: 1/10
The shortest superhero career ever is probably a notable record.

Silver Age-ness: 10/10
Talk about random!!!

Does it stand the test of time? 0/10
Way too short for modern audiences; needs to be decompressed into six issues.

Alright, alright, I’ll review the story properly. You may be sorry I did.

We then move to a conversation between Superman and his unnamed wife.
In fact we will NEVER see his wife’s face, or hear her name; the same is true for Batman’s wife.
Because of this, it’s unclear whether the Super-Sons of the 70s should be considered the same ones we saw in World’s Finest #154 and World’s Finest #157.

But the characterization is also quite different. In fact, I’m pretty sure this Superman actively hates his son. Or at the very least he doesn’t like him.

The distain is mutual. And I’m more on Superman Jr’s side… why exactly should there be only one Superman in the family?

Clark Junior is then assaulted by a gang called Satan’s Sockers (seriously!?).

Unlike his old man, Clark Junior is not above standing up for himself when out of costume.

A feat that would be more impressive if the gang’s leader wasn’t named Big Alice. (WTF!?)

He does go a bit too far, using his strength to throw around a motorbike like it was nothing.

Superman is proud of his son for standing up against bullies, but he takes the opportunity as a teachable moment to help him understand how to… you’re not buying this, right?
It’s not that kind of story: of course he’s a dick about it.

So that’s Superman’s son. What about Batman’s son?

Well his father was a playboy, so it’s not surprising he started going to swing parties.
(and yeah I know that’s not what Haney means, but it’s still funny)

So Bruce Junior is a nepo baby who is only interested in having fun. What did you expect asking him to not do anything fun, Batman?

Yet another reason for not being in continuity with earlier versions of the Super-Sons: in those stories, Bruce Junior knew his father was Batman.
Not that it matters, Bob Haney stories are typically not in continuity WITH THEMSELVES.

It’s all just an act, though: Bruce Junior has been active as Batman against his father’s wishes.
And beginning a theme closely associated to the Super-Sons: HE SUCKS AT THIS.

I expected better from you, Alfred.

Batman also doesn’t want his son to become a superhero, and it’s going as great as you think.

Superman Junior is visually indistinguishable from the original, but there are major differences: for example, he can’t fly. That’s kind of neat, going back to Superman’s original powerset.

When Bruce Junior said he enjoyed swinging, I didn’t think he meant swinging THAT way.

Bob Haney was 47 when this story was published. So props for at least trying to understand the generation gap from both perspectives.
It doesn’t work, AT ALL, but at least an attempt was made.

The Super-Sons are TERRIBLE at being heroes, but I root for them a little because their fathers DO act like they’re offended at the very thought of someone else being a hero.

Do you think I’m being too hard on the fathers? They don’t make it any easier by eavesdropping their kids!!!

So the parents realize that they can’t stop their sons from being heroes forever, taking the opportunity as a teachable moment and training the Super-Sons to… you’re not buying this, right?
It’s not that kind of story: of course they’re dicks about this.

Superman has an idea: instead of having the Super-Sons do some good in “Sparta City”, he will SOMEHOW create a duplicate of it!!!

Never a good side when BATMAN is the one asking “How in the holy name of Professor Potter are you going to do something THAT insane!?”.

And now, ladies and gentlemen… take a breath. You are about to witness something AMAZING.
Specifically THE most insane moment in all pre-Crisis continuity.

More than Superman sneezing a solar system out of existence.
More than Karate Kid reversing an earthquake with a kick.
More than Krypto changing sex and giving birth.
More than Krypto causing the Chicago fire by turning into a cow.

This is Superman… shaking the San Adreas Fault SO FREAKING HARD…

…that he DUPLICATES A CITY.

Yes.

That actually happened.

Superman SHOOK THE EARTH SO HARD HE BROKE TIME.

“Some super-skull” indeed.

THIS IS NOT HOW EARTHQUAKES WORK!!! What planet is Bob Haney from!?!?

The Super-Sons are so bright that they don’t see ANYTHING weird with what just happened.

And we are JUST at the halfway point of the story!!!
You see now why I was so eager to get to this story?

Not only Superman Junior can’t fly, he’s also hurt by bullets. Not seriously, but… what kind of Superman are you!?

The Super-Sons leave a note clearly identifying themselves as Batman Junior and Superman Junior…

…but somehow it’s hard to believe the originals have superhero kids? WHY!?

Look I know making jokes about the Super-Sons treating them like a gay couple is a low hanging fruit, but you can’t have a scene with them having a pillow fight and expect me not to make jokes.

There’s nothing wrong with a superhero on a motorbike. But having a second hero just hanging out behind him somewhat ruins the coolness factor.

At least Superman Junior does SOMETHING right, saving Batman from the exploding bike.

Yes, who would have predicted a gangster would resort to placing a bomb? Next you’re going to tell me they *gasp* broke the law?
Also: “bomberoo”? SERIOUSLY!?

The Super-Sons go on a bit of a crime-busting spree, but being the Super-Sons they screw it up.

All of this has convinced the mob boss that they’re trying to incriminate that the Super-Sons are not hard to trick, and he’s going to rely on his own disappointing son.

The boss’ son is indeed able to trick them, but he’s not much smarter than the Super-Sons.
He presents REAL evidence to Batman Junior, which he had to bring instead of fake evidence because… he needed to distract Batman Junior long enough to draw his gun.
Preeeeetty sure you could’ve done that with fake evidence, dude.

This might look like a closed case for the Super-Sons. Except Superman Junior really, REALLY sucks at his job and trips on a bomb.

(I imagine Batman Junior is cursing the boss who bombed his friend, but in my headcanon he’s calling out Superman Junior for being a dumbass)

I get that Superman Junior is probably harder to kill than a regular human, even if he’s not as strong as his father… but why doesn’t he just shoot Batman Junior RIGHT NOW?

If we were talking about the original Batman, I would laugh at the idea of him dying for being shot off-scene. But with Batman Junior? It wouldn’t be out of character!

We haven’t seen much of the Super-Sons’ faceless mothers. But at least they’re less awful than the fathers.

And now, ladies and gentlemen… well I can’t say the story turns bonkers, because that ship has sailed looooong ago, but at least things get dumber now.

Because apparently the Super-Sons managed to die for real!

Why? Because FOR SOME REASON the boos was RANDOMLY affected by “some doctor’s weirdo machine” when Superman created the duplicate city.

Oh trust me, 70s Superman, I’m ALWAYS ready to blame you!!!

In the end, the Super-Sons died as they lived.
As idiots.

Historical significance: 0/10

Silver Age-ness: 3∞/10

Does it stand the test of time? 0/10

We do have some insight behind the Super-Sons by Bob Haney himself!

In the next reviews I will talk AT LENGTH about the idea that the Super-Sons are supposed to be in continuity with the rest of the DC Universe. Because that’s the most laughable thing about them.

I probably like the “fake early ending” gag too much for my own good.
But of course the Super-Sons are not dead.