World’s Finest #233 (1975)
by Bob Haney & Dick Dillin
cover by Dick Giordano
I don’t know who this monster is, but considering its goal is to murder Batman Junior I’ve already decided who is the hero of the story.
We begin with the Super-Sons still wandering America (this series can’t decide if they’re teenagers or adults), coming across a ghost town nearby the state capital.
Which, hilariously enough, is indicated by a road sign simply calling it “State Capital”.
Well it’s SUPPOSED to be a ghost town, but they immediately come across a blacksmith.
And not just any blacksmith!
If I were them, I’d be less shocked by seeing the blacksmith is a woman and more by how SHE’S CLEARLY INSANE.
In fact this is no ghost town at all. It’s more of an estrogen town.
Not only that, but every building has the same creepy insignia of an eye and the fines are quite something: 500 dollars for a parking ticket! The 2023 equivalent would be 2,860.49 dollars.
Okay this is one of THOSE stories… we’ve seen Planet Femnaz, remember… and these women are clearly insane. But I still can’t take Batman Junior’s side: who calls the mayor “doll” five seconds after meeting her!? Granted these women would probably call him sexist because he’s breathing, but even by 1975 standards he’s being a bit of a jackass right?
Notice that Superman Junior is appalled by the utter illegality of this, while Batman Junior’s only thinking with his own Dick Grayson.
But guys, you can’t save someone if you haven’t saved all the problems of the world first! Or have you decided that last time you were even more idiotic than usual?
I’m not 100% sure whether Superman Junior has super-breath, but… we’ve been shown that he has super-speed! Surely there’d be SOMETHING he could do!!!
Maybe they’re not intervening because the other women are rallying together to help?
Nope! The “““heroes””” JUST LET THE WOMAN DIE.
You know what? I agree with those crazy women.
YOU GUYS ARE JUST GARBAGE.
The Juniors are not the only ones to be imprisoned: every male in town has been jailed… or murdered.
Superman Junior overhears the policewoman complain to the mayor that the two new strangers are somehow different from other men. Yes, they are different: I’m 99% sure that any of these random people with no name would be better superheroes!!!
Who’s in charge of this prison, the same woman who oversees Arkham Asylum? I don’t have a problem with the idea that these two can escape, but at least make it SOMEWHAT believable!!!
There’s a funeral for the woman who the Juniors let die, and it’s a suitably creepy scene.
Best panel of the issue by a mile! Not that it’s saying much.
The Juniors attend in a slightly awkward position.
Alright there’s a SECOND good panel! This deserved a much better story.
You know what? In the hands of a better writer, this could actually work. Too bad I can’t take anything seriously with Haney and the Super-Sons.
Once the women are gone, the Juniors ask some questions to the giant eye. Notice Batman Junior is focusing on the fame of their parents, which I though was the worst thing one could possibly do according to last issue.
(no I’m not letting it go)
Again, this COULD work. All you need is an example of the women of this town being discriminated before the arrival of the eye (not that hard for 1975, heck it’s not that hard today) and of course you would need heroes that are not the most punchable ever created.
Aaaand Batman Junior is immediately knocked out, because Bob Haney.
It could have killed him if it wasn’t for Superman Junior.
The women are hunting down the Juniors with dogs, but Superman Junior drops the news that he doesn’t have a scent because he’s (half) Kryptonian.
Which… HOW? I can believe he doesn’t sweat, but he should have SOME smell… he just swam in the river!!!
This is just an excuse to undress together, isn’t it? No judging.
Batman Junior, now disguised as Superman Junior, then follows the women into the eye’s monolith.
And on the other side he finds GIANT CROCODILE HUMANOIDS!!!
WHO DROWN IN A QUICKSAND!!!
But he’s wearing Superman Junior’s costume, which makes it impossible to drown in a quicksand (WTF!?).
And now the reveal of what’s going on: the giant eye on the monolith is actually an alien…
…whose purpose is to transform the women of this town into monsters.
And those giant humanoid crocodiles that died? They were the policewoman and the mayor, meaning the Juniors HAVEN’T SAVED A SINGLE PERSON SO FAR.
As for why mutating only women… “a man’s touch” would reverse the transformation.
Which I assume is an euphemism for exchanging bodily fluids.
I think a game of “guess the stupid ending” is long overdue.
Why is the alien transforming women into monsters?
A) it’s how the species reproduces
B) it’s to take over the word
C) the alien has body dysmorphia
D) the alien hates males for no reason
E) the alien hates males for a very stupid reason
And then Superman Junior just SQUASHES THE ALIEN WITH THE MONOLITH.
Or at least that’s what SHOULD have happened… but instead apparently that’s how you enter the monolith!
You would expect the alien to come from a planet of similarly weird creatures, but… nope, it’s apparently populated by humanoids! WTF!?!?
The monster being forced to watch its own reflection for all eternity deserves a better story.
And so we end with Batman Junior getting ready for an orgy.
That’s an entirely too much upbeat ending for a story where THREE WOMEN DIED BECAUSE YOU TWO IDIOTS SUCK!!!
Historical significance: 0/
Silver Age-ness: 6/
Does it stand the test of time? 3/
As mentioned multiple times, this COULD have worked with different characters. But it’s ruined by the Super-Sons being… well…
Did Superman really need Batman? They both suck equally
Interesting letters: a reminder that, while the Super-Sons are just THE WORST, their parents also suck.
But apparently all the idiocy we’ve seen so far? IT’S TRAINING.
