World’s Finest #231 (1975)
by Bob Haney & Dick Dillin
cover by Ernie Chan
Oh crap, now they’re ruining the lives of OTHER superheroes.
We begin with Superman and Batman saving a plane from crashing, helped by the fact that it bumped into a skyscraper.
Which, as we all know, is a perfectly legit way to slow it down and avoid massive damage. That’s just common sense.
And then the Super-Sons show up to be insufferable, protesting that their fathers should do something about the REAL problems of the world.
You know, it wouldn’t be a bad premise for a story if they were protesting one of the way too frequent times when Superman is wasting time with some stupid stunt, but… this was a legitimate superhero thing to do!!!
Also: I don’t agree with the statement “Superman is an establishment symbol”, but at least that’s a coherent thought. WTF does “Batman is a faker freak” even mean!?!?
Again, this WOULD be an interesting premise if applied to the correct scenario… both Superman and Batman really do have a serious problem with humility, and it wouldn’t be a bad idea to explore their negative side… but WTF does this have to do with stopping a plane crash!?
The premise has already lost me. What exactly is this “jury of their peers” suppose to judge them on!?
I’m on your side now, Batman, but don’t oversell it…
…are really sure you don’t have ANYTHING to apologize for?
Not only this goes to trial (????)…
…but the Super-Sons themselves act as the prosecution!!!
What kind of judge would EVER let this idiocy get to court!?
So of course Superman and Batman are found guilty of… SOMETHING, I guess?
WHAT ARE THEY EVEN ACCUSED OF!?!?
And since the heroes promised to go along with the trial, they accept to be jailed.
UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE CENTURY.
There’s a snowstorm, and Superman Junior takes the opportunity to save some kids…
…WHICH IS APPARENTLY A BAD THING!!!
What is even the point of this!? Superman Junior didn’t even put on a costume, so you can’t say he did this for fame!!! What, Batman Junior thinks they shouldn’t save kids unless they first solve all the other problems of the world?
What kind of sociopath thinks this is heroism!?
The other plot of the story is that a delivery company might be behind the snowstorm.
Come on, that would have to be a delivery company with the resources of a nation that answers to a man who looks and acts like a supervillain.
At this point I don’t think my opinion of Batman Junior can possibly sink any lower.
He discovers that Tempo Unlimited™ really is behind this.
I’m already mad at you for legitimate reasons, Batman Junior.
The fact that you know “temps” is French and “tiempo” is Spanish but you don’t know that “tempo” is Italian doesn’t help.
So the point was that Superman and Batman seek too much fame? Then why did you have the same criticism to Superman Junior who didn’t even let anyone see he was saving kids!?
Wait, Superman Junior has super-hearing? Then what was the point of having Batman Junior eavesdrop!?
The panel after this clarifies that the plane is dropping acid, but… okay it’s childish, but this story is so dreadful that I’m taking ANY source of joy.
The Super-Sons follow the plane and knock out some goons, when SUDDEN ARROW!!!
Yeah remember from the cover that Green Arrow is here. Specifically he’s here to prevent Batman Junior to be murdered by a grenade, so I already don’t like Green Arrow either.
This could’ve been over, why did you save him!?
Also the Flash is here to run circles around the laws of physics.
Can’t we just drop the Super-Sons and follow these two? Or we shouldn’t stop people from controlling the weather unless we’ve solved world hunger?
I swear Batman Junior is the most insufferable character I have reviewed, AND I’VE DONE THE ENTIRE JIMMY OLSEN SERIES.
I don’t know what’s worse between those options:
A) if the Super-Sons fall for this without doing any research beyond a glance
B) if Superman and Batman really ARE doing nothing
The Super-Sons then follow a lead in an offshore drilling station, where Superman Junior is knocked out by a shockingly low amount of TNT.
This gets the attention of Aquaman, who begins working to stop tsunamis.
Better not tell Batman Junior, I bet he’d complain that you can’t stop tsunamis before you’ve saved the whales.
So, uhm, I don’t know much about this stuff but… is releasing a crapton of water really the best way to stop a tsunami?
Also “you can’t stop a tsunami with your bare hands”, Aquaman? I bet someone could IF THESE IDIOTS DIDN’T JAIL SUPERMAN.
Of course the JLA veterans are better at this than these two idiots.
I HATE THIS GUY SO MUCH.
They didn’t “grab credit”, THEY DID YOUR JOB!!!
Now he REALLY suspects the parents are involved, since they never saw Flash and Aquaman together… and it turns out that they escaped.
But they didn’t escape to prove their sons wrong, they escaped to save lives because THEY’RE NOT MORONS LIKE THEIR SONS.
Now… if this story had ANY shred of dignity, this is when Batman Junior would realize his error, apologize to his father and release both heroes.
OF COURSE THAT’S NOT WHAT HAPPENS.
I don’t think Tempo Unlimited™ thought this through. You’re a delivery company, why exactly would flooding the world improve your business!?
The Super-Sons stop the plan, because UNLIKE HIS FRIEND Superman Junior is not completely useless. Also, I begrudgingly admit “the Son of Steel” is not a bad nickname.
I’m not playing this up for laughs. I sincerely despise Batman Junior.
And so we end with the morale that superheroes can’t solve “the big problems”, because this story hates my guts ALMOST as much as I hate Batman Junior.
Also don’t think for a second that Superman and Batman get out of this without a scratch, because NOBODY escapes this serial with their dignity intact.
There are only three Super-Sons stories by Haney remaining, plus a final one by O’Neil.
Why did I ever decide to review every single issue of this crap?
Historical significance: 0/10
Silver Age-ness: 8/10
Does it stand the test of time? 0/10
Did Superman really need Batman? HIS SON NEEDS A THERAPIST 