SUPERBOY 68 (1958)
by Otto Binder & George Papp
cover by Curt Swan
Most sources give Bizarro’s first appearance as Action Comics #254, and while that’s technically correct there’s actually another version of Bizarro that first shows up on Superboy.
Fitting that Bizarro has an imperfect origin!
We begin with Superboy attending a demonstration by Professor Dalton (this is his only appearance), who has create a Duplicator Ray ™.
Unfortunately it doesn’t work: the duplicated radium is not radioactive, and the duplicated jewels simply melt.
I think I understand why Professor Dalton never shows up again, if he can’t even avoid almost killing himself in his own lab.
Also: by the time Superboy is done describing that the professor just stumbled, he could’ve saved him a thousand times over. Just saying.
Predictably, the result is an imperfect duplicate of Superboy. Whenever Bizarro shows up in Superman stories, he’s also quick to point out that Bizarro is not really alive… probably because the amount of times Superman kills a Bizarro is disturbingly high.
And just like in Superman stories, the idea that Bizarro is not alive doesn’t make any sense!!!
If you’re wondering who came up with the name Bizarro: it was Bizarro himself.
Unlike the adult Bizarro, though, this version… let’s call him Bizarro Junior to differentiate them… thinks that being ugly is a bad thing.
Bizarro Junior has imperfect memories of Superboy’s life, so he goes back home… where Ma Kent is uncharacteristically harsh. It’s not an unrealistic reaction, mind you, but I’m so used to the Kents being saints that it feels weird.
I admit I have a soft spot for Bizarro. The scene when he decides that if the Kents don’t want him he can just pick any other random couple to be his parents is hilarious!
Seriously, Bizarro Junior is a blast!
He’s pretty bummed by the idea of being ugly, but he’s befriended by a girl…
…who we soon learn is blind. That will have more significance than it seems later on.
What is it with comics insisting on the idea that blind people are mind readers!?
Then Bizarro Junior shows up dead!!!
Or not!
Superboy figures that the only way to stop Bizarro Junior is Kryptonite, so he recovers a sample while wearing a protective armor (!!!)… and it’s completely useless.
Since Kryptonite fails, Superboy has the brilliant idea to trick Bizarro Junior using a puppet of the bling girl (WTF!?) to lure him into A MILITARY AMBUSH.
Why would Superboy involve the military in this!? He knows Bizarro Junior has his powers!!!
Well, when Kryptonite and puppets don’t work, the only solution is A FREAKING ATOM BOMB.
And that, kids, is why the Moon is radioactive. (WTF is going on!?)
Take note that Bizarro Junior has not harmed anyone this entire time. With the exception of the blind girl, NOBODY has even tried to talk to the guy!!!
And only NOW Superboy thinks that maybe HE should fight the superhuman foe instead of handing him over to the military!!! He’s not The Worst just yet, but he’s getting there.
A reminder that Superboy is the son of Jor-El, a.k.a. mister “I’ll throw anything into space”, but he can’t even manage THAT.
I still think that if Superboy had made any effort whatsoever to TALK to Bizarro Junior we could’ve avoided this: he’s not a bad person, he’s just an idiot who doesn’t know any better.
Bizarro Junior is not just the predecessor of Bizarro, he’s also apparently the inspiration for Marvel’s Thing!
Meanwhile Superboy figures out that Bizarro Junior’s weakness is being exposed to the remains of the Duplicator Ray ™, because as we all know exploding equipment is just the same thing of an exploding planet.
Sounds legit.
That’s not exactly the only thing that stops Bizarro Junior, because Garbage Kryptonite just helps Superboy EXPLODING HIM.
AND THE EXPLOSION CURES THE BLIND GIRL.
Sounds legit.
And in case you were wondering: no, Superboy doesn’t have the slightest regret about killing Bizarro Junior.
The surprisingly complex origin of Bizarro continues on Action Comics #254-255, but I mentioned earlier that the blind girl has some significance. That’s because when Bizarro was re-introduced in post-Crisis continuity, it was in John Byrne’s Man of Steel #5 from 1986…where Bizarro ends up curing the blindness of Lucy Lane (also in her first post-Crisis appearance).
That time it was because the weird chemical composition of Bizarro left behind once he exploded during a fight with Superman, not because “random explosions can cure blindness”.
I always found the plot about Lucy being blind to be very random, but apparently it was a deep cut by John Byrne!
Historical significance: 8/10
This is not technically the Bizarro we’ll follow for years, but this story is still in continuity. Still, I don’t think it’s that significant since it’s little more than a footnote in the regular Bizarro’s first appearance and is almost never referenced (which might explain why I didn’t get what Byrne was going for).
Silver Age-ness: 10/10
We’re talking peak Silver Age here!
Does it stand the test of time? 6/10
Bizarro Junior is great; it’s Superboy who doesn’t exactly shine here. I know trying to talk to Bizarro wouldn’t solve anything since he’s an idiot, but Superboy doesn’t know that and the fact that he doesn’t even try… let alone the insistence on Bizarro Junior not being alive even when he’s blatantly sentient… really hurts the story.
How close is this to the modern character? 9/10
I guess Bizarro would’ve preferred this to be a bad incarnation, but it’s actually incredibly close to the definitive version of Bizarro: the look is there, the speech pattern is mostly there, as is the mixed-up logic. The only thing preventing a 10/10 is that Bizarro Junior thinks being ugly is a bad thing, unlike the regular Bizarro.
Unless being an imperfect Bizarro makes him a better Bizarro? It’s easy to get lost in Bizarro “logic”.