ADVENTURE COMICS 305 (1962)
“Secret of the Mystery Legionnaire!” by Jerry Siegel and John Forte
“Clark Kent, He-Man!” by Jerry Siegel and George Papp
Cover by Curt Swan
Let’s start with the Legion story, where we are introduced to a character that luckily won’t keep the name Marvel Lad after this issue.
Also note the “space monitor” is not showing something in space.
Breaking news: Lightning Lad is still dead after last issue.
But look ar the bright side: someone has to replace him, so it’s audition time!
First up: Antennae Boy.
He may look somewhat disgusting, but being able to pick up radio signals from past, present and future? That could be useful!
Except, uhm…
Now this is awkward.
Let’s just say he can pick up signals from alternate timelines.
Next: Dynamo Kid!
Note the revelation that the Daily Planet is still publishing in the 30th century.
But the team has lost an electricity-based hero, this could be a good replacement!
Or not.
Why does John Forte’s art consistently give us dull expressions for every character EXCEPT those hilarious background reactions!?
Dynamo Kid is disqualified for having artificial powers, which as previously established are not allowed.
In addition, he’s a terrible reporter. Which confirms the Daily Planet continues its tradition of total lack of journalistic integrity for another thousand years.
Next up: Legionnaire Lemon!
Sure, Saturn Girl, sure. We can all believe you JUST got a call. Just admit you hate auditions.
“Legionnaire Lemon” is admittedly a stupid name, but he’s a little more useful than the other candidates.
He’s got flight…
… and super-strength.
Okay, so we have a legitimate candidate, for once. He also goes by Marvel Lad, which is better than Legionnaire Lemon according to everyone except copyright lawyers.
As a bonus, he’s invulnerable to both Kryptonite and lead, making him more powerful than Superboy and Mon-El.
But that’s not enough to join the Legion. I mean, he has flight and super-strength, but the Legion has high standards! He must be as capable as legends like Bouncing Boy and Matter-Eater Lad!
They would be able to recover a rare metal from another galaxy, so Marvel Lad has to do the same.
Done already? I knew it would be too easy. What about something a little challenging, like, say, DEFEAT A SUN EATER ON YOUR OWN!?
HOLY CRAP!!!
Admittedly it’s not THE Sun Eater that will later appear in one of the most important Legion stories ever published. This Sun Eater is less a Lovecraftian horror of cosmic proportions and more like an overgrown Grinch, but still! Talk about impressive!
Also impressive: the Space Monitor ™ can LOOK AT THE CENTER OF THE SUN.
So Marvel Lad is in, right? The dude can burn aliens that can eat stars!
Yes. Earth won’t have to worry about a Sun Eater again. Especially in the 30th century, no sir.
That should be enough, right?
Oh for f##k’s sake! At this point it was plausible that they were being a little harsh on Marvel Lad, but a reader could still believe this was a normal audition. Now you’re just being ridiculous.
Anyway, Marvel Lad takes care of the monsters in a totally necessary scene. Are there any more tests?
Of course there are.
Hold on a minute. You’re testing other people? Did ANY of them defeat a Sun Eater?
Because considering how Marvel Lad’s audition ends, I sure hope you didn’t let go some other hero of that caliber just because they couldn’t create a new element that doesn’t exist!!!
Are we supposed to believe that EVERY candidate has to go through all this!?
Admittedly, creating a new element doesn’t look that difficult. You just mix together other elements and add the atomic number.
Sounds legit.
Also: that’s retroactively the metal that will be used to forge the Legion Flight Rings.
That’s enough to admit Marvel Lad into the Legion, and he returns the following day to reveal his real identity.
Considering his powers, it’s not like there were other candidates: it was either him or Superboy.
But admittedly they did a pretty good job at leaving clues, since there are multiple references to Mon-El throughout the story.
Calling him Lemon just a couple of times instead of during the entire issue make it a little less dumb than the Urthlo “mystery”.
We are informed in a flashback that Brainiac 5 is the one behind Mon-El’s cure.
That must’ve been a heck of a wig to SURVIVE THE CENTER OF THE SUN.
In a very nice touch, Mon-El actually asks to be sent back to the Phantom Zone to get a little revenge of the Kryptonian criminals that harassed him for the last thousand years.
You may think it’s a little out of character for the inhumanly noble Mon-El, but he deserves a break! It might have taken a thousand years, but watching the other phantoms watch impotently as he’s finally set free is immensely satisfying.
As is watching Shrinking Violet work up the courage to talk to Mon-El.
First glimpse at characterization for her.
Once again, the last page teases a possible return of Lightning Lad.
Let’s go back to the cover story because it’s more interesting than it looks.
It starts with Clark Kent being humiliated again and again. The impossibility of showing off his abilities when he’s out of costume is getting to him.
This HAS to be the most human we’ve seen him!
It could be a coincidence, but this was published in 1962. The same year of Spider-Man’s debut.
Don’t tell me this doesn’t look more Peter Parker than Clark Kent!
This isn’t helped by the fact that the citizens of Smallville are complete d#cks.
“Hey, I noticed your kid is a total failure, I thought I’d remind you!”
It gets so bad that even Pa Kent has had enough and decides the family is leaving town!!!
This is awesome character development for both Pa Kent and for Clark!
Alright! Now I suppose Clark is going to tell his father that they don’t need to leave, that he can start acting a little less awkwardly when he’s out of costume, and…
You are freakin’ kidding me.
So… let me get this straight.
You have figured out that you don’t have to act like a complete loser all the time to keep your secret identity. And your solution… is to leave town and create a completely new identity!?
You can’t be serious!!!
You’re being serious. By which I mean you’re being a complete idiot.
Clark’s new identity of Mark Denton is so popular that even his parents’ new business is a success.
And he’s still being Superboy… by just putting on a mask.
“Mark” is so absurdly popular, in fact, that HE GETS A PARADE.
I suppose the moral of the story is supposed to be “Superman’s original secret identity sucks”.
Which is hilarious when the writer is Jerry Siegel, one of Superman’s creators!!!
Things start to get worse when, during an emergency, Clark is at a party and can’t disappear without being noticed. And at the same time, his parents have guests so he can’t summon a Superboy robot.
And the emergency is a gorilla. Because Silver Age.
But another Superboy fixes everything, and this time it’s not a robot? Who could it be?
We find out literally the next panel.
I’m glad we kept the mystery for so long.
So even that is solved. We all know something is going to ruin Superboy’s awesome new secret identity… what is it?
The fact that this idiot agrees to have his hair shaven by a fraternity, because he conveniently forgot his hair is indestructible.
And that is why Superboy has to return to Smallville, act like a loser all the time, and ensure that his parents have no friends and are publicly shamed every day.
The moral of the story: you can’t be a superhero if your civilian identity is successful and admired.
Somewhere, Bruce Wayne is partying with supermodels after Batman just saved Gotham City.
Or maybe the moral is that Superboy is a complete idiot.
Sounds legit.
Legion story significance: 2/10
Mon-El was already declared a member, this is just a formality. Slightly improved by the element that will be used for the Flight Ring.
Superboy story significance: 1/10
Never referenced again, but saved from a zero for doing the absolute minimum of character development for Clark and his parents.
Silver Age-ness
Legion story: 7/10
Mon-El can do everything Superboy can, which automatically makes for pretty wild scenes.
Superboy story: 5/10
The first half of the story comes this close to being a 0/10, with the reality of Clark Kent having consequences on his social life and mental state. Then we get to the super-robots and the idiocy of the new secret identity requiring Superboy to wear a mask.
Does it stand the test of time?
Legion story: 4/10
If it had been revealed that the Legion had figured out it was Mon-El and they were being hard on purpose, it wouldn’t need too much rework. As it is, the endless over the top trials are almost a story breaker. It’s improved slightly by the work put into Marvel Lad’s mystery: figuring out his identity is easy, but not insultingly easy like with Urthlo.
Superboy story: 5/10
The beginning is surprisingly modern for 1962 DC; the exploration of the impact of the original secret identity’s consequences is extremely well done. The problem is that the new identity works TOO well: Superboy is able to come up with solutions to every obstacle very easily. I don’t know how you could do this story without pressing the reset button at the end.
So we need to balance a 8/10 and a 2/10 in the same story.
We are legion
- 8 active in this story: Saturn Girl, Cosmic Boy, Sun Boy, Bouncing Boy, Shrinking Violet, Invisible Kid, Brainiac 5, Mon-El
- 8 not appearing but officially members: Superboy, Chameleon Boy, Colossal Boy, Phantom Girl, Triplicate Girl, Supergirl, Ultra Boy, Matter-Eater Lad
- 1 unknown: Star Boy as usual
- 1 deceased: Lightning Lad
How much Legion is too much?
Since Mon-El was already a member, the Legion is still made of 17 members.
A thousand years in the future, you say?
Newspapers are still around, on microfilm.
Legion rejects: 4
Antennae Boy and Dynamo Kid join Lester Spiffany and Storm Boy.
The glasses, they do nothing
Clark’s new identity goes around for who knows how long without glasses and nobody things he’s Superboy. Yes, Superboy wears a mask during the issue, but he’s already a public figure… are we supposed to believe that NOBODY in Rail City had ever seen a picture of Superboy before?