ACTION COMICS 387 (1970)
“One Hero Too Many!” by E. Nelson Bridwell & Win Mortimer
“Even A Superman Dies!” by Cary Bates & Curt Swan
Cover by Curt Swan
Last part of Superman’s adventures into the far future.
But before we get to that, let’s start with the Legion story. Which this time actually does have quite some significance.
The current Legion leader, Karate Kid, is addressing the United Planets when someone objects to the Legion’s tax-free status.
The complain that the Legion has way too many members has been a recurring theme in the letters page, and will be a constant thorn in the team’s side with some readers.
Bridwell (of all people!) comes up with an idea on how to avoid the team increasing its membership… taxes!
The Legion currently has 26 members, so SOMEONE has to resign to allow the team to avoid paying taxes.
As it’s to be expected, several Legionnaires immediately volunteer.
It’s Karate Kid’s chance to show his leadership skills… and he leaves everything to chance.
Every Legionnaire writes a resignation letter, with Karate Kid picking the only one that will count.
Except…
Only one letter is saved from the burning.
It looks like it was Dream Girl’s, but it’s a fake.
But then who did burn the letter? EVERYBODY!
Karate Kid’s idea of just accepting the first resignation is shut down by Brainiac 5.
And it turns out that Brainy only did 9 “heroic feats”.
This is a really weird scoring system… Timber Wolf, who JUST joined, is tallied ad 281 feats.
Superboy is shown with 270 feats. How busy has Timber Wolf been!?!?
Supergirl correctly points out that this method doesn’t make much sense, especially for Brainiac 5.
She does, however, bring out an excellent point: she’s the Legionnaire who missed the most meetings, and therefore proclaims that she’ll be the one to leave.
But she can’t leave because that would mean losing the Legion of Super-Pets.
Yes. That would be tragic indeed.
Brainiac 5 modifies his question to find out who is the least helpful Legionnaire and SUDDEN KRYPTONITE!
It turns out that Superboy was the one responsible for burning the letters, forging the Dream Girl one, and presumably for making the last one glow. (HOW!?)
We do find out why Superboy wants to resign, though: he believes that Mon-El makes his presence redundant, and he doesn’t want Supergirl to quit because that would break Brainiac 5’s heart.
Or was it just a trick to make out with Duo Damsel?
And that’s it: Superboy leaves active membership, moving into the reserves, and the Legion gets to avoid paying taxes.
We don’t discover who “the least helpful Legionnaire” was, but I’m betting on Chemical King.
Back to Superman, he’s reached the 8,020th century.
That’s far enough that rainbow suns are common. (WTF!?)
Superman rescues some astronauts from 5,000 earlier. He’s a little cranky.
After recapping the previous issues, Superman goes forward once again. We are one million years in the future, and Earth has seen better days.
Superman reaches Earth just when a couple of GIGANTIC robots show up…
…because Earth is about to be thrown in the trash.
These robots are so big and so powerful that even Superman can’t move them (!!!!), so he goes inside their brains to modify them.
You might think that he wants to reprogram them, but no. He makes them repel each other. (WHAT!?)
Superman can’t accept the fact that Earth is dead so he CUTS THE PLANET IN HALF.
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Okay.
Next: kidnap the new Adam and Eve!!!
And now, ladies and gentlemen, the story goes completely insane.
Yes.
NOW.
First, a weird drone shows up to attack Superman.
Then it turns out that this was sent by Lex Luthor!
Yes, Lex Luthor hates Superman so much that his dying wish was to become a vampire zombie space drone!!!
But even THAT doesn’t kill Superman, who is quite upset at being alive!!!
His only chance to die is to chase the deadly “Magnor Comet”. Just in case you’re wondering, yes this is a comic where Superman is trying to commit suicide!!!
AND IT WORKS!!!
Well… kind of.
Superman has essentially rebooted himself, living his whole life once again.
He’s afraid that this means he’ll continue the time loop over and over again, but no: when he reaches the day he left, the Time Bubble isn’t there anymore.
I’m no scientist, Superman, but I have some doubts that’s how it works.
Historical significance
Legion story: 6/10
Superboy will appear again soon enough, but he won’t rejoin active membership until 1974. The 25-member rule is also established, even though it will eventually be repealed and kept more of a general rule of thumb.
Superman story: 0/10
With the exception of the Time Trapper’s realm at the end of time, I’m fairly certain this is the farthest future seen in a DC comic. Unfortunately we won’t ever see it again.
Silver Age-ness
Legion story: 3/10
The tax reason kind of makes sense, but the Legion of Super-Pets? Seriously, we can’t afford to lose the super-cat and the super-horse!?
Superman story: 1,000/10
An immortal Superman tries to kill himself after he’s rebuilt Earth! Lex Luthor is a million year old vampire zombie space drone! The future is the past and what the heck did I just read!?!?
Does it stand the test of time?
Legion story: 4/10
As typical of the Action Comics era, this is more a summary of a story rather than a complete one. I would’ve preferred a more honest discussion about who really should’ve left the team… Superboy having to split his time between the 20th and 30th century would’ve been a perfectly legit reason for him to leave! They even mention it, there was no need to add anything else.
Superman story: 6/10
This is, without any doubt, the best of the three parts. It’s more focused, it has a consistent dark tone, and it goes places where you don’t typically see Silver Age heroes, let alone Superman. It’s also COMPLETELY INSANE.
We are legion
25 Legionnaires
3 reserve members: Kid Psycho, Insect Queen, Superboy
3 honorary members: Elastic Lad, Pete Ross, Rond Vidar
1 resigned member: Command Kid
1 expelled member: Nemesis Kid
2 deceased members: Dynamo Boy, Ferro Lad
How much Legion is too much?
The total number of characters who have been members is 35.
Interesting letters: the reader’s got a point. At least Chemical King would be more memorable!
Also: superspeed might just be the most overpowered superpowered of all.
