LOIS LANE #73 (1967)
by Leo Dorfman & Kurt Schaffenberger
I always imagined these two were into weird stuff, but this is more than I expected.
With a cover like THAT, where else can we begin than outer space?
The space capsule returns to Earth, where the alien possesses Lois.
Joke’s on the alien, this doesn’t even make it to the Top 100 weirdest things that happened to her last month.
The alien is actually kind of cool.
It’s impossible to tell that she’s possessed. She looks exactly like before.
It’s actually kind of hard to figure out that anything about her has changed.
The alien does have one weakness, though. It’s vulnerable to high altitudes.
Good thing the cops are as incompetent as in any other Silver Age story.
Next the alien takes control of Clark Kent!!!
The alien doesn’t know that Clark is Superman, though, so he doesn’t react to Jimmy Olsen’s Signal Watch.
Jimmy Olsen… you are just MADE OF SOLIDIFIED FAILURE.
The alien reacting by just poking at Jimmy is one of the funniest things I have ever seen.
Then, despite the fact that one of his employees has just CRASHED A HELICOPTER INTO HIS OFFICE, Perry White just carries on like nothing happened!!!
“Baffling” doesn’t even begin to describe this, dude.
1) a pretzel company holds a beauty contest
2) IT’S NEWSWORTHY
3) It’s up to Clark Kent to decide the winner
4) these are the contestants
“WHAT” indeed.
“Clark” is acting too suspiciously, so Lois decides to investigate… in her own Lois Lane way.
The alien’s solution to get out of trouble is to KILL CLARK KENT.
Except, of course…
The alien changes into Superman and pretends to have saved Clark Kent.
Unfortunately, he forgets about his own weakness to altitude.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: THE most idiotic Superman plan you have ever seen!!!
Step 1: make a puppet of himself.
Step 2: Super-BDSM
Step 3: ????????
Step 4: trap the energy demon into the puppet.
And that’s how you get rid of a mind-controlling energy alien!
To be fair, that thing wasn’t just a puppet. It was a BDSM-activated robot puppet.
And that’s the end!
Look, Superman, you don’t have to go THIS far if you want to try something kinky with Lois, JUST ASK HER. She’ll probably be into it.
Alright… that was stupid. But we’re not done with this issue!
While working as a nurse, Lois is contacted by her fairy godmother.
Yes by this point Lois has already met aliens, robots, alien robots, demons, time travelers, alien time travelers, interdimensional imps, genies, mermaids, witches, wizards, werewolves, giant radioactive monkeys and the Devil, but a fairy godmother?
Now that’s just silly!
“Dody” has decided to move with Lois, and shenanigans ensue.
Amazingly, being kidnapped and forced to wear a top hat doesn’t sit well with Superman.
As you might’ve guessed, Dody is almost as fixated on Superman as Lois.
I love it that Superman isn’t surprised that Lois found a way to brainwash him. Not even a little bit.
Yes Lois, NOW people will think that you’re desperately trying anything to marry Superman.
JUST NOW.
Next Superman demonstrates that the first story wasn’t enough to satisfy his kinks!
What is it with Dorfman and handcuffs!?!?
Why do I get the feeling that Jimmy gets to see this kind of situation WAY too often?
When Lois comes back home, she finds Dody asleep. And for some reason her dress has lost its sleeves.
She tricks her into playing a game of Scrabble ™, revealing that this is actually Ms. Gzptlsnz, a.k.a. Mr. Mxyzptlk’s girlfriend!
(no vowels were harmed in writing this sentence)
And she discovered it by… attempting to use the wand.
Ms. Gzptlsnz left behind her diary (!!!), revealing that she’s been doing all of this because she wants to marry Mr. Mxyzptlk…
…and she figured out that the best way would be by studying how Lois wins over Superman.
Buckle up, Mxyzptlk. If we have to suffer this series, you’re along for the ride.
Historical significance: 0/10
Unless someone writes “Fifty shades of Kryptonite”…
Silver Age-ness: 10/10
Magic robot BDSM! Fairy godmothers and interdimensional imps!
Does it stand the test of time? 0/10
PLEASE DON’T WRITE “Fifty shades of Kryptonite”!!!
Stupid Lois Lane moment
First story: it’s happened before but I’m baffled by how trivial amnesia is for Lois
Second story: Lois knows that Circe and her magic are real, but fairy godmothers are too much