ACTION COMICS 254 (1959)
by Otto Binder & Al Plastino
cover by Curt Swan
I guess Otto Binder wasn’t satisfied with the Bizarro he created in Superboy #68, because one year later he created a second one. This is the Bizarro that will survive all the way until Crisis.
In an extremely rare case of continuity between Superboy and Superman, this story directly references the older one (although there is no footnote).
Unlike Professor Dalton (who doesn’t show up, perhaps he’s dead by this time?), Lex Luthor actually WANTS the Duplicator Ray ™ to fail.
Luthor lures Superman into his lab disguising himself as a different famous scientist and claiming to be able to make him immune to Kryptonite.
And that’s how the more famous version of Bizarro is created.
Unfortunately, giving orders to Bizarro is generally a futile effort.
Note that Bizarro, much like Bizarro Junior, still thinks he’s ugly… his mixed-up logic isn’t quite there just yet.
At this point Superman has already grown into The Worst, so while Superboy was just willing to accept the possibility of killing Bizarro… “I’ll have to kill him later” is the FIRST thing in Superman’s mind!!!
I know I keep coming back to the same point, but the continuous insistence on Bizarro not being alive REALLY bugs me. I mean, isn’t every single person “lifeless matter in human form”!?!?
Bizarro is clearly an intelligent being (yes I know he’s dumb, that’s not the point) and everyone continuing to ignore this is really distracting!
And why exactly does Superman have to stop Bizarro? I could understand if he was being destructive, but no: Bizarro wastes no time saving people!!!
Thank you for clarifying that it was Bizarro that knocked over the smoke-stack, random civilian, otherwise I would’ve thought it was a completely unrelated event.
If there is ONE Silver Age convention that I’m glad is dead for good, is having Every Single Action on-panel being described in a balloon. That NEVER stops being annoying!
And can we PLEASE stop throwing nuclear bombs at poor Bizarro?!?!
Especially when he’s so sad he’s trying his best to commit suicide!!!
Despite how much I criticize him in his retrospective, I don’t always hate Jimmy Olsen.
But SOMETIMES I swear I want to see this little #### choke on his bowtie.
Also how the heck is Lois taking THAT picture of Bizarro!? She’s on the helicopter flying BEHIND Bizarro, but she took a picture from the other side???
So now we have Bizarro in love with Lois.
Since Lois rejects Bizarro, he gets a “brilliant” idea: using the Duplicator Ray ™ to make a Bizarro version of himself! A Bizarro-Bizarro, I guess.
Wait. That doesn’t look right.
That’s more like it.
Superman shows up to stop Bizarro-Bizarro from marrying Lois, but Bizarro has a trick up his sleeve. (wow, that sentence almost makes sense!)
And so we end the story on a cliffhanger: will Lois Lane become Lois Lane Bizarro-Bizarro?
ACTION COMICS 255 (1959)
by Otto Binder & Al Plastino
cover by Curt Swan
And now the Bizarros are multiplying. That can’t be good.
After a recap of the previous story, Bizarro fights Bizarro-Bizarro for the heart of Lois.
AMAZINGLY, this fight doesn’t end up blowing up the planet.
Bizarro-Bizarro is too powerful for Bizarro, so he recruits Superman.
Superman isn’t exactly at his best here. He does NOTHING to defeat Bizarro-Bizarro, who basically just dies randomly.
Bizarro-Bizarro was so much like Superman that he disintegrated when touching Kryptonite. It’s a good thing Superman is constantly disintegrating himself, otherwise this would make no sense.
Bizarro is still in love with Lois, to the point of flying to Pluto to pick up flowers (????).
As ridiculous as this sounds, Bizarro’s math is actually legit: the highest possible distance between Earth and Pluto is 4.67 billion miles (7.51 billion km).
Except it’s WAY off from the correct distance for August 1959: at the time Earth and Pluto were separated by about 3.24 billion miles (5.22 billion km), and since Pluto doesn’t move very fast it’s still relatively close at the time of this 2022 review at 3.28 billion miles (5.29 billion km).
Calculations courtesy of https://theskylive.com/how-far-is-pluto and yes, every random astronomical inaccuracy gets nitpicked to death around here even if it’s in a 63 year old comic book starring Bizarro. You’re welcome.
Now, were was I?
Bizarro can’t disobey Lois, so to respect her wish to never see him again he gets a “brilliant” disguise:
When Superman burns away Bizarro’s disguise, he drops all pretenses and straight up kidnaps Lois.
“I’ll just throw random s#it at him, something is bound to be his secret weakness”.
The world’s greatest hero, ladies and gentlemen.
With the fight going nowhere, Lois decides the best course of action is ANOTHER BIZARRO.
AND IT WORKS.
Historical significance: -10/-9
Bizarro doesn’t exactly have a huge impact on Superman, but he’s a memorable character with a lasting presence.
Silver Age-ness: -10/-10
The highest possible score on Bizarro-World! I think.
Does it stand the test of time? -10/-0
And I thought Superboy was harsh on Bizarro!!! Superman here is Just. The. Worst.
Stupid Lois Lane moment
Lois creating Bizarro-Lois is responsible for the future creation of Htrae, commonly known as Bizarro-World.
Well, at least Bizarro Lois and Bizarro have a healthier relationship than Silver Age Lois and Superman.
