World’s Finest #289 (1983)
by Doug Moench & Adrian Gonzales
cover by Gil Kane
We are almost at the end of the World’s Finest retrospective. After the end of the Super-Sons, I couldn’t find anything to say about the following issues… they’re not bad enough to make fun of, and they’re not good enough to celebrate.
And then there’s this one which is absolutely nuts.
We begin with Batman failing to save a guy during a robbery. Possibly because the panels are all at an angle.
Of course Batman knocks out the mugger, but having failed to save a life (in a Gotham City alley no less) devastates him.
Meanwhile, Superman stops an avalanche.
Sorry, apparently he goes by Superman® now.
As we saw Batman has a pretty compelling reason for being sad.
Superman is also sad… because he’s an alien.
This right here is one of the reasons why I prefer Superman’s post-Crisis attitude about his origins.
He grew up on Earth! Not only he’s not the only alien around, he’s not even the only alien FROM KRYPTON currently living there.
Batman is SO sad, in fact, that he doesn’t even want to talk to Alfred.
Instead, this story goes REALLY out of its way to make it absolutely crystal clear that Superman is Batman’s soulmate.
I’m the only one who sees this, right? The dialogue reads like these two are seconds away from asking the other for marriage.
Jokes aside, it’s not a bad scene. Failing to kill people in an alley naturally reminds Batman of his parents and is a reminder that he can’t stop ALL crime.
Batman invoking the idea that he’s “often” considered asking Superman to help him crush every criminal in Gotham, however, feels… weird.
If by “crush” he means kill, I think it’s too much. Batman occasionally questioning his no-kill rule is one thing, but he makes it sound like it’s an obsession.
But if by “crush” he just means going on a crime-busting spree… yeah why DON’T you ask Superman for help?
This is easily the most emotional version of Batman I’ve ever seen.
I’m not surprised he didn’t want to be around Alfred.
Seriously, how is this NOT a love story?
Superman does bring up the fact that he had a much better childhood than Batman, since his adoptive parents were still alive.
But he says that the reason why he has such a close relationship with Batman is that he’s been changed by the destruction of Krypton as much as Batman has been by the death of his parents.
That’s the part I don’t buy! Sure pre-Crisis Superman has super-memory and remembers his biological parents, but he didn’t grew up with them… it’s HARDLY the same thing!
There are many other reasons why these two “get” each other… heroism, self-sacrifice, inspiring others, dealing with a secret identity… but being orphans isn’t the most important connection they share!
SOMEHOW this scene doesn’t end with them sharing a passionate kiss.
But enough about romance, let’s start the ACTUAL plot!
Because the meteors that just landed in front of the Fortress of Solitude just HATCHED.
Oh sure, it may LOOK like it’s your regular story about invaders from outer space…
…even when they possess Superman’s weapons on display (???)…
…until Batman starts to telepathically communicate with the alien slugs (!!!), while Superman goes into space to stop new meteors from falling.
That’s where he learns that the aliens went to the Fortress of Solitude because that’s where they could find the most emotion ON THE PLANET.
Yeah I can’t imagine what could’ve have attracted the aliens here.
The origin of the slugs is your classic tale of aliens becoming more and more dependent on technology in order to cheat death.
The slugs are NOT those aliens, however: they’re artificially created lifeforms sent into space to look for new emotions to replace those of their masters.
If you’re thinking “wait a minute, this makes no sense”: the slugs AGREE.
After hearing this incredible tale, Superman… doesn’t seem to care all that much.
However Batman convinces him to avoid smashing the new meteorite arriving. Instead Superman allows it to land next to the Fortress and hatch a DIFFERENT space slug.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, is when the story turns bonkers.
Yes.
NOW.
In order to send a signal to their masters, the two kinds of slugs have to… well…
…do something I should probably censor?
The slugs’ mating ritual would normally kill the entire planet, but they’ve been SO impressed by the love shared between Batman and Superman that they COMMIT SUICIDE.
I have no words for this scene. It has to be seen to be believed.
AND THAT’S HOW IT ENDS!!!
So, to recap…
This is a story about Batman and Superman being so sad they realize they love each other, then they’re visited by space slugs that would normally f##k each other to kill the planet but who are so impressed by the love they witness that they decide to kill themselves.
Historical significance: 0/10
Somehow these two didn’t become a couple.
Silver Age-ness: 6/10
Oof, a tough call. On one hand it’s ABSOLUTELY BONKERS, but it’s too emotional and too sad to be anything than mid. 
Does it stand the test of time? 7/10
This was… actually not that bad! The beginning goes waaay overboard with melodramatics, the ending is quite abrupt, and the idea that the spores were led to the Fortress of Solitude because Batman and Superman’s emotions were THAT strong is kind of laughable.
Plus while I don’t mind having a more human Batman, Superman’s reasoning for why he’s so close to him sounds too forced. I agree with him stating that they work perfectly together, but the mental gymnastics to get there are weird.
And speaking of weird: holy crap that ending!!!
Still… there’s some competent characterization, the worldbuilding for the aliens is interesting, and there IS a theme that ties everything together. It just happens to be an awkward theme. 
Did Superman really need Batman? They both need more friends
Next time we will end the World’s Finest retrospective with the very last issue of the series.