LOIS LANE #025 (1961)
by Jerry Siegel and Kurt Schaffenberger
Silver Age covers don’t come much goofier than this one.
This is an “imaginary story”, meaning it’s outside of the regular continuity… whatever THAT means for Silver Age DC.
We start a month after Superman has married Lois Lane, and she’s going crazy because she spends all her time alone in the Fortress of Solitude.
She has a point: living the rest of her days alone in an ice cave is a pretty bad deal.
Of course Lois being Lois, that’s not what upsets her… it’s the fact that she can’t BRAG to the world that she married Superman.
Superman agrees to reveal their marriage to the world in the most condescending way possible.
And so he does. Couldn’t we open the story here!?
The couple receives a huge number of wedding gifts, including jewels from outer space.
This will become a plot point later.
Even JFK makes an appearance!
Also note Lois still obsessing over her fame.
Amusingly, they also get bullied into paying their house for twice its regular price.
I would think twice before scamming a dude who can bench press the universe, but maybe it’s just me.
Superman equips the house with a plethora of security measures, including robots.
But that’s useless when people try to murder her every time she leaves the house.
Superman gets all passive-aggressive over this…
…and Lois RIGHTFULLY chews him up!
Superman tries to come up with a serum that gives her super-powers, but it won’t work because of her blood type.
We’ve seen this before. It’s weird that they fixated on the detail of her blood type!Also: Superman has some huge ears in the above panel.
The solution to the problem: the Bubblemobile ™ !
Not only it’s ridiculous, but it’s also a major inconvenience that makes Lois the laughingstock of Metropolis.
And we’re not done with humiliating Lois. Remember the security robot?
So, uhm… people working on this had a fetish for watching Lois suffer, right?
I also highlight that Superman’s reaction when he sees HIS WIFE like this:
…is just think “poor kid”. Make of that what you will.
At least they laugh about it, in what’s the only remotely human moment of the story.
Anyway, remember the jewels they received as a wedding gift?
THEY HATCH INTO MONSTERS.
With their house destroyed, Lois just breaks down.
Jesus Christ. Are you happy now, comic? You’re making me feel bad for Silver Age Lois Lane!!!
And that’s how it ends!
Remember, kids: if you help others, don’t get married or your loved ones will have to choose between living in a frozen cave or endure endless misery and ridicule!
Holy s#it is this story depressing…
Historical significance: 0/10
Obviously, as an “imaginary story”.
Silver Age-ness: 7/10
Only slightly sillier than the norm.
Does it stand the test of time? -5/10
Yes, for the second time we have a story with a NEGATIVE score. It’s reserved to stories with despicable messages. It’s not as bad as the previous case, but this was AWFUL.
Stupid Lois Lane moment
Honestly, marrying a complete psychopath.