ADVENTURE COMICS 311 (1963)
by Edmond Hamilton and John Forte
The Legion of Substitute Heroes has made exactly one appearance so far, but they’re already popular enough to get on the cover.
We begin with the Legionnaires receiving gifts from all over the universe, from a mirror that shows your old self…
…to a plant that GIVES BIRTH TO ANIMALS.
I assume Saturn Girl’s reaction to the latter is “what the hell am I watching!?”
Meanwhile, the Legion of Substitute Heroes is sitting around, waiting for someone to call them.
Which is basically the same thing the real Legion does in this period, but the difference is nobody ever calls the Subs.
We are introduced to the only thing of consequence of this story: Night Girl has a crush on Cosmic Boy.
Note that her “mementoes” include the antigravity belt… which EVERY single hero rejected by the Legion receives as a sort of consolation prize.
Maybe one of the reasons why nobody ever calls the Subs is that they sleep on the job when on monitor duty.
At least they manage to fight a weird robot from outer space.
They manage to defeat him and decide to call the Legion.
The Legion isn’t exactly happy about the Subs interfering.
“Your organization is ridiculous”. Ouch.
It’s absolutely true, but still.
So the Subs have to return to their headquarters, depressed by their failure to be useful.
They do that A LOT.
But not all hope is lost: when the Legion announces that they’re going to build new defenses against further invasions, the Subs decide to help!
They fail.
The Legion is SERIOUSLY angry at the Subs, declaring that unless they disband they will be destroyed.
Leading the Subs to replicate the cover, declaring a war against the Legion and… accusing them to plotting to conquer the Earth!?
Where did THAT come from!? Sure, the Legionnaires have been dicks to the Subs in this issue, but nowhere they said anything about conquering Earth!
Since the Legion trashed their original base, the Subs find a new one… in the underground caves of a dead and radioactive world.
It’s certainly more creative than their first base of operations… a cave blasted inside a random rock.
Also, check out Night Girl’s helmet just barely containing her beehive!
Night Girl sneaks out to warn Cosmic Boy, who she is convinced won’t betray her because she’s in love with him.
Then he immediately betrays her.
And sends a weird robotic monster to hunt the Subs.
And the robot is so effective that it BREAKS STONE BOY IN HALF.
Or not.
I’m glad we kept the tension for three whole panels.
Stone Boy’s “death” and this revelation are even in the same page.
This apparently works, because the Legion assumes that since Stone Boy is dead the robot must’ve killed the others as well.
After all, Stone Boy is the strongest of the Subs. It’s not like his powers are completely useless.
How fast can the Subs build a brand-new spaceship!?
Fast enough to lure the Legion away from the planet and believe that they have killed the Subs… AGAIN.
Back to Earth, Polar Boy correctly deduces that the robots built by the Legion weren’t for defensive purposes: they were actually mining machines.
And Polar Boy had this suspicion because…
…
…I’ve got nothing.
But why would the Legion do this? They didn’t: they’re alien impostors.
Admittedly, that’s a cool design.
Immediately losing to the Subs… not so much.
Well, at least the Subs have saved both Earth AND the Legion of Super-Heroes! They will finally be recognized as real heroes!
Or not.
Poor Subs. They just can’t catch a break.
Legion significance: 1/10
The origin of Nigh Girl’s crush on Cosmic Boy. It will become a very important relationship for both, but it’ll take a long time to get there!
Silver Age-ness: 4/10
All things considered, the alien threat is relatively credible. And John Forte continues to mix silliness with weirdness with his designs.
Does it stand the test of time? 2/10
The alien plan is even more complicated than what I summarized. While it’s plausible that the Legion would be upset by the Subs (they do have quite a bit of an ego!), they go to the extreme WAY too fast for anyone to believe this is the real Legion for more than a couple of pages.
We are legion
- 6 active in this story: Saturn Girl, Cosmic Boy, Bouncing Boy, Sun Boy, Brainiac 5, Chameleon Boy. Technically speaking, they are the only “real” Legionnaires appearing.
- 13 not appearing but officially members: everyone else. Even Star Boy is mentioned!
- 1 deceased: Lightning Lad
How much Legion is too much?
The Legion now includes 19 members.