Fantastic Four #500

Fantastic Four #500 (2003)
by Mark Waid & Mike Wieringo
cover by Paolo Rivera

 No I didn’t skip hundreds of issues from #70 to this one. It’s one of the MANY times where a Marvel series reverts to its traditional numbering system, something that tends to happen every couple of years lately.

Last time Reed was trapped in Doom’s magic library. We discover the one who left him a message was, of course, Doctor Strange.

Doom’s ego compelled him to boast about being a better magician than Strange now that he’s had how power boost. But it’s not like Strange is without his own ego.

Strange’s physical body is still trapped by Doom’s magic minions, so he’s not of much use except as a teacher.

Meanwhile Doom is still torturing the rest of the Fantastic Four, even planning to use the Thing’s skin to replace his latest armor.
While Valeria was surprisingly chill throughout the earlier chapters, now she’s crying in every single scene she shares with her godfather.
The fact that Doom doesn’t seem to give a crap about her discomfort helps make the scene particularly distressing.

To put this into perspective: Doom is in love with the sound of his own voice SO much that he’s talking over a crying child.

How’s Reed doing with his magical studies?

Well considering his first attempt at a teleportation spell would’ve gotten him killed if it wasn’t for his elasticity… Reed is not the best student.

I won’t criticize him too much, however, because there really aren’t rules to follow here.
As I’ve said before, this is the basic problem with doing science versus magic stories.
Since science is real^[1] and magic is not^[2], it’s difficult to create a consistent difference between how the two operate.
^{[1] source: some guy who was hit on the head by an apple
[2] citation needed}

Reed has all the incentives to learn this stuff quickly, because in addition to having his family captured by Doom, his son specifically is still in Hell.
Notice how Reed immediately picks up on what will later be Doom’s undoing.

I do like that Reed’s inability to learn magic is linked to how his reasoning works, or more specifically to how there’s no reason to magic.

Well at least Reed’s tampering with magic has had one result: it made Doom mad.

When you can make Doctor Freaking Strange… you know, the guy who fights near-omnipotent demons every other week… make THIS face, you really are on top of the supervillain food chain.

Since this is a Fantastic Four story, Strange is not allowed to be the one to save the day and he’s removed from the action by Doom.
However, since he’s the one to hand Reed the uber-powerful McGuffin Talisman, there’s an argument to be made about Strange being 90% responsible of Doom’s downfall.

Maybe he should’ve left some instructions.

The McGuffin Talisman turns out to be extremely useful if you’re an idiot.

Reed has been teleported to Strange’s Sanctum Sanctorum by now, so Doctor Doom decides to follow him. And once again his utter distaste for the US is in full display.

 

Reed is having trouble understanding how the McGuffin Talisman actually works… until he admits it.

That right there. The silent moment when Reed understands “yep, I’ve figured out everything. Damn I’m smart and awesome”.
These moments are why Reed and Brainiac 5 are among my favorite heroes.

Once Doom shows up at the Sanctum Sanctorum, all the Fantastic Four are there. Complete with powers, and the Thing’s wounds have been healed.
Man where has Strange been hiding the McGuffin Talisman all this time!?!?

To showcase just how great Waid is at handling Reed: his FIRST priority, even before kicking Doom’s leather-armored backside, is to kiss his daughter and bring her to the nearest kindergarten.

It would’ve been SO much more predictable to give that role to his wife. But Susan has a different priority.

With the McGuffin Talisman being powered by the user’s stupidity, Doom is at a serious disadvantage.

Doom is not out of the fight just yet…

…and he’s itching for a fight with the ENTIRE team.

Great idea, Doom.

Even THAT is not enough to take out Doom, who continues his tradition of not giving too much thought to the Human Torch.

It is kind of hilarious to see Doom’s distaste for magic words, because for a few years he’ll extensively use incantations (especially when written by Bendis).

Still, by this point Reed has learned that magic is less literal than he thought: he doesn’t need magic words.

Still, sometimes you DO need to say something to make the moment work.

Beating up Doom not of much use at this point, so Reed decides to go for the psychological attack.

This is one of the key differences between Reed and Doom. Despite their similarities, Reed has little trouble admitting when he doesn’t know something (when he’s written correctly).

I think Reed’s reasoning works well both in science and magic. For all his absurd accomplishments, and despite occasionally getting ahead of them, Doom can’t be as effective as Reed and Strange because his colossal ego always gets in the way.

This is also part of Reed’s plan: tricking Doom into boasting he doesn’t really need the help of the demons who are responsible for his power-up. Something they don’t take kindly.

This is useful because the demons drag Doom to Hell, which is where the FF need to go to rescue Franklin and Strange.

We’re at the end of the story, and Doom has one last trick to pull… which is the only point where I think Waid really misses the mark.
I don’t care if he’s in Hell.
I don’t care if it’s a trick.
DOOM.
DOES.
NOT.
BEG.

I mean props to Reed for recognizing this is a trick, but… no, Doom wouldn’t pretend to beg for help even if it was just part of his plan to curse his worst enemy a cruel fate.

Which is LITERALLY the case, but still, DOOM DOES NOT BEG. That’s pretty much his catchphrase!!!

And so we reached the ending. Doctor Doom is trapped in Hell, Franklin has PTSD, and Reed looks like this.

---

Doom significance: 9/10
This influences pretty much the rest of the Waid run. Doom doesn’t show up in person too much there, but Latveria plays a MAJOR role so I’ll review several of them.
Besides that, much like the previous part this storyline has a more subtle influence on Doom: despite all the talk about him being a lesser magician, from this point forward he’ll use magic A LOT more and far more competently.
I guess he really did learn something from those demons after all.

Silver Age-ness: 2/10
Okay I joked about the talisman being powered by ignorance; the fact that it’s powered by humility is a great concept. But the question remains: where the literal Hell was that thing before this story and where is it now!?

Does it stand the test of time? 9/10
Still a great story and still a great Doom, but that final scene with him pretending to be sorry and begging Reed to help really rubs me the wrong way.
The entire point of the story is that Doom’s flaw is his utter inability to admit even the smallest negative trait about himself; you can’t just turn it around at the last moment!
This also has a similar problem to Fantastic Four #200 of being 95% a Reed story instead of a Fantastic Four story. It does make sense due to Doom’s role, and this time the rest of the team has far more to do than on #200, but it’s still noticeable.
On the artwork side it’s still solid, but Wieringo doesn’t get a chance to experiment and this time around Doom’s magic armor looks very goofy once it’s damaged.
Still, that’s all just nitpicking. A very recommended story.

Times Doom has died: 1
I suppose I could have considered Fantastic Four #260 where he was vaporized, but since he saved his brain with the Ovoid Mind Transfer™ I don’t think it really counts.
This time however Doom has been dragged to Hell against his will, so I think he’s really dead now.
I will take a very long time before the counter goes up.

Destroy the FF! : 56
Once again, the only reason the FF survived is thanks to Doom. He didn’t have to lock Reed in the magic library, he could’ve just killed him right there.