LOIS LANE #32 (1962)
“Lois Lane’s Revenge on Superman!” by unknown & Curt Swan
“The Silver Coin of Fate!” by unknown & Kurt Schaffenberger
Cover by Curt Swan
Another issue by unknown writers. I can’t imagine why nobody wanted to take credit for this.
We begin with Lois Lane doing a story on a dying magician.
I want to know more about THAT guy, but he dies shortly after giving a gift to Lois.
It’s a youth potion, and Lois is tempted to use it to get back all the years she wasted on Superman. (!!!)
Superman tries to discourage her, but she’s pretty heavy on how many marriage proposals from kinds and billionaires she had to turn down.
Geez, just how many people want to marry Lois Lane!?
Superman is able to stop her from drinking the potion, but he’s too clumsy to avoid spilling it over his costume.
This would be a surprise if it wasn’t for the cover giving it away.
And so Lois blackmails Superbaby into helping her, because you don’t have to be a guy to be dick.
I mean, Lois is enjoying this a little too much.
She even forces Superman to fight criminals using toys!
And it doesn’t stop there!!!
I think we can all agree there’s something wrong with Lois.
SERIOUSLY wrong.
Fortunately, this doesn’t last for more than a single panel.
See, Lois knew that the potion’s effects would wear off is Superman got angry.
Sure, sure, this was ONLY to cure him. Lois doesn’t have any weird psychological issues.
If you believe that, I have a bridge in Metropolis to sell you.
Next story begins with Lois and Lana Lang falling from an airplane.
And Lois worries about who will Superman save first, because of course that is the priority in a moment like this.
The obvious solution would be for Superman to save both at the same time, but nothing is ever simple with Silver Age Superman.
You know, they SAY that the plane crash was an accident, but I wouldn’t put it past those two idiots to try to kill themselves just to learn who would Superman choose.
However Superman is tired of this whole who-will-he-choose game (WELCOME TO THE CLUB!!!), he has a rather drastic solution.
And the winner is Lois Lane!
As stupid as this is, couldn’t we have done this in 1938!?
Lois of course doesn’t find this suspicious AT ALL and even vows to leave her job, because of course we couldn’t possibly have her marry and keep her job.
Lana, however, discovers something strange with the coin that Superman used.
Superman has a new idea on how to keep Lois safe: exile her in the past.
Still nothing suspicious.
Lana tries to warn Lois about the secret she discovered, but Superman responds by exiling her in the future.
And so it’s already the wedding day of Lois Lane and Superman!
Or not.
Turns out this impostor needs Superman’s help to keep his current body, and Superman obliges. Because apparently he’s okay with Lois marrying the impostor.
Which is especially funny once we learn who this impostor really was!
Yep! Lois Lane just married an Imperfect Bizarro, meaning that he was exactly identical to Superman… until Superman screwed him over.
As for Lana’s clue…
And that’s the end!
I like to think that since Imperfect Bizarro loved both Lois and Lana equally, the real Superman loathes them equally.
Historical significance: 0/10
I can’t believe we never got a sequel with Lois divorcing Imperfect Bizarro and fighting over custody of Superbaby.
Silver Age-ness: 10/10
Between Superbaby and Bizarro, what did you expect?
Does it stand the test of time? 0/10
I suppose someone might enjoy the first story, but I don’t ever want to meet them. For the second story, the Imperfect Bizarro concept is perfectly reusable, but the story itself is hot garbage.
Stupid Lois Lane moment
In the first story, there HAD to be a better way to make Superman angry.
In the second story, not finding ANYTHING suspicious.