SUPERMAN’S PAL JIMMY OLSEN 036 (1959)
by Otto Binder & Curt Swan
This is a treat: not only we get a story that has SOME impact on future issues… we get two!
We’ll get to the story of how Jimmy Olsen met Superman later. First we get to the very, very first appearance of Lucy Lane!
Jimmy falls for her immediately. To his credit, he makes an impression on her as well.
He takesher to the Superman museum, which is truly awful.
But Jimmy immediately squanders his chances with Lucy, who finds the exhibit boring. I mean, can you blame her? It’s just a bunch of ugly statues!
Jimmy also tries to impress her with an expensive dinner… at the “Super-Restaurant”.
So… two dates in a Superman-themed place? Lucy should be getting some reeeally weird vibes from Jimmy’s Superman obsession!
In fact, Lucy is far more interested in some rodeo star that she’s about to meet on her next flight, something that Superman overhears when he’s listening in.
Nothing creepy about the idea that Superman listens to every sound from a woman’s bedroom. Nothing at all, no sir.
Superman, as Clark Kent, reports this to Jimmy (how would HE know!?!?), and that’s where Jimmy gets an idea. A very stupid idea, of course.
His “disguise” means WEARING A STUPID HAT.
With this and the whole Clark Kent glasses thing, this convinces me that the Lane sisters suffer from some kind of neurological disease that prevents them from recognizing faces.
Lucy is immediately smitten by the rodeo star. Superman could’ve told Jimmy that she likes to be tied up. Or do you really think Supes snoops in women’s bedrooms only when they’re just talking?
No, Jimmy’s plan is to hope that Lucy is so monumentally stupid to fall for THIS:
And it works! Maybe my theory about Lucy having some kind of brain damage isn’t so far-fetched.
You don’t believe me? When the rodeo star throws a dummy out of the airplane, Lucy expects Jimmy’s disguise to catch him just because he’s a rope expert!!!
What is this, a Looney Tunes cartoon !?!?
Apparently so, considering that Superman considers it a very legitimate idea!
Did… did Jimmy just pull down the window ON AN AIRPLANE to do that rope trick!? I know the previous panel shows the “emergency exit”, but I have a felling this is NOT how that works.
That’s strike one. Jimmy tries again on another of Lucy’s flights, where she meets an inventor that presents her the… and I’m not kidding…
the Thot-O-Printer ™.
“Thot-O-Printer. Whenever you need to print a thot, it’s got your back”.
Aaah, okay. It’s called that because it prints THOUGHTS. Silly me!
How’s Jimmy going to top that?
It’s pretty sad when Lucy would rather date a robot than Jimmy Olsen.
But you can’t fool the inventor of the Thot-O-Printer ™ so easily!
But I suppose insane stalkers are Lucy’s type. At long last, a victory for Jimmy Olsen!
Or not.
You should’ve bought that Thot-O-Printer ™, Jimmy.
And now the question nobody asked… how did Jimmy and Superman first meet?
We go back to the first time Jimmy arrived to Metropolis, searching for a job.
And his first job was… a guinea pig for a crazy scientist.
You have to give it to him, Jimmy knows what he’s good at.
Naturally the time machine brings him to Krypton…
…which he knows SO well that he’s able to understand Kryptonese!!!
To escape the police and avoid a fine, Jimmy wanders in a Krypton museum about Earth.
Interestingly, this one of the very few Silver Age comics that actually remembers that Krypton is supposed to have super-gravity.
Tough it can’t be TOO much higher than Earth’s gravity, considering Jimmy was able to walk just fine for quite a while!
Jimmy is able to solve this problem by borrowing an antigravity belt. And for once he’s not stealing, since they’re free… if we believe Jimmy’s translation.
Then Jimmy gets a job as… baby Superman’s babysitter.
Or rather, Jim-My Ol-Sen gets that job.
Superman’s parents are really, REALLY trusting towards this complete stranger that is going to supervise their son. Also: they hire a babysitter while the know their planet will explode in a few days!!!
But I’m sure things are going to work out just fine.
Ten bucks Jimmy dreams about spanking Superman every night.
Meanwhile Jor-El is making preparations for the rocket that will send his son to Earth. In an interesting addition, baby Superman is wearing a protective suit.
It makes perfect sense to give him a suit if he’s going inside a rocket, but I wonder what the heck happened to that suit after the landing.
Baby Superman almost misses his flight because of the interference by some Kryptonian policemen, but Jim-My Ol-Sen helps him get into the rocket in time.
The time machine makes Jimmy forget the entire trip…
…but Superman remembers, and that’s why Jimmy Olsen gets his signal-watch.
So… yeah. The reason why Jimmy Olsen is Superman’s pal… is that he spanked him as a child.
Historical significance: 6/10
Lucy Lane becomes a regular, as Jimmy’s on-again-off-again girlfriend. I don’t think the origin of the signal-watch is referenced again, and I have a feeling we’ll get completely contradictory origins.
Silver Age-ness: 10/10
Naturally. It’s hard to pick which story is the most Silver Age… the time travel one has some classic Silver Age silly science, but the other one has the brain damaged Lucy.
Does it stand the test of time? 0/10
Only a 1959 story would end with Lucy falling for Jimmy like this. As for the second story… better if we don’t talk about it.
Stupid Jimmy Olsen moment
I’m conflicted. It SHOULD be Jimmy’s rich Texan impersonation… but considering that Lucy completely falls for it…
Interesting letter: “You do realize we know you keep recycling the same plot, right?”
Prosopagnosia is the medical condition that causes people to have difficulty (or inability) to recognize faces. It’s annoying. But, on the plus side, I’m well placed to be an important person to a superhero, since I’m no threat to their secret identity at all! PLEASE BE FRIENDS WITH ME, SUPERHEROES!
On to the gravity of Krypton, keep in mind that Superman regularly flies through the sun! If he can fly because Krypton has higher gravity than Earth, then Krypton must have higher gravity than the sun as well! I won’t get into the roughly a million ways that none of this makes the slightest bit of sense…