SUPERMAN’S PAL JIMMY OLSEN 044 (1960)
“The Wolf-Man of Metropolis!” by Otto Binder & Curt Swan
“Jimmy’s Leprechaun Pal!” by Jerry Siegel & Curt Swan
“Miss Jimmy Olsen!” by Robert Bernstein & Curt Swan
Cover by Curt Swan
After gaining more superpowers than the entire Legion of Super-Heroes, Jimmy begins his weird transformations.
I mean, I get a werewolf, but purple fingernails? Now that’s just silly.
We start with Jimmy kissing Lucy, so you know something will go horribly wrong.
For him. Things were already horribly wrong for Lucy considering she’s kissing Jimmy.
So, which one is it this time? Crazy scientist or Superman dumping something dangerous on his “pal”?
It’s always one of these two things, I swear.
Superman just gives this box to Jimmy and leaves. No attempt to figure out what kind of magic potions they contain. Which wouldn’t be hard, considering it’s right there on the bottle!
Well this is a real scoop for Jimmy! Since they already know that magic is real (Mr. Mxyzptlk appears right in this issue!), this can prove that Merlin really existed.
Or it would if these two weren’t idiots.
Don’t believe me? Proof that Jimmy’s an idiot is coming in three, two, one…
Jimmy has his priorities straight: the first thing to do is save his date by having Lucy dress up as Red Riding Hood.
Why is Red Riding Hood wearing a domino mask? They’re going to a masquerade ball, yes, but I thought it would mean having to wear a costume, not necessarily a mask.
Luckily the bottle included instructions on how to turn back human: he just needs a kiss from a beautiful woman. Considering he was making out with Lucy the night before you would think even Jimmy couldn’t mess this up, but…
Don’t feel bad for Jimmy, though. Transformation or not, he’s still an a##hole.
In the morning, Jimmy turns back human. He figures out that he only transforms under the moonlight, based on the clue that IT WAS SPELLED OUT ON THE BOTTLE).
Okay, to recap: Jimmy turns into a werewolf at night and he needs a kiss to break the curse.
Does he:
A) tell Lucy the truth and ask her to kiss him?
B) ask Lois to kiss him, since she knows about the bottle?
If for some reason he doesn’t want Lucy to be worried you might think B.
Nope!
C) say nothing, then turn into a werewolf when Lucy conveniently gets a flat tire, AND stumble into a movie studio…
… and end up with an acting role?
And he could even get rich if he wanted to.
I really don’t see the downside of getting this acting job… he gets paid a lot of money, the Daily Plant doesn’t have to deal with him, and if he gets bored and wants to break the curse he can just ask Lucy to kiss him.
But no, for some reason Jimmy just doesn’t want Lucy to know about the curse and kiss him. He’d rather pay someone else to kiss him.
I want to give Jimmy SOME credit so I won’t assume that he’s not thinking of hiring a prostitute for a kiss. But what’s he going to do, stalk women at a park in the middle of the night and offer money in exchange for a kiss?
I WAS KIDDING!!!
Superman takes pity on Jimmy and leads him to a dark room where a mysterious “Miss X” is more than willing to kiss him.
Did I dismiss the prostitute theory too soon?
No, it’s arguably worse… “Miss X” is Superman’s cousin.
I pray that it was just a kiss on his cheek and I’m still going to throw up. Especially since Jimmy can’t stop thinking of “Miss X”.
SUPERGIRL WAS LIKE FIFTEEN AT THE TIME.
Yep. Definitely gonna throw up.
Can we at least restore some sanity with the next story?
I’ll take leprechauns over Superman pimping out his teenage cousin ANY day.
And AGAIN the thing that starts it all is a souvenir from Superman.
Can Jimmy talk fast or what?
Anyway, that’s all it takes to get your personal leprechaun.
For some reason I instantly like him.
Actually it’s no leprechaun at all: it’s just Mr. Mxyzptlk.
And his plan is… actually kind of clever?
Uh. He’s got a point there: if Superman doesn’t know it’s him, it removes his only weakness.
Too bad Jimmy is just convinced that the leprechaun is just an illusion.
What kind of drugs does Jimmy take regularly to dismiss “an hallucination” that was able to hold a conversation with him and KICK HIM IN THE KNEE!?!?
The leprechaun is angry at Jimmy for not believing he exists (an can you blame him?), so he conjures up a storm that ruins his date.
Superman deals with this menace with the appropriate level of dignity.
And he has the courage to make fun of Jimmy for “getting into these messes”.
Supes… you’re responsible for at least half of them!!!
Then Jimmy buys a parrot for his girlfriend. A parrot that only speaks backwards “for some unknown reasons”. I love that the story doesn’t care about the fact that this makes no sense!
But Lucy FINALLY shows some sense and rejects the gift.
I mean… giving a pet as a gift without asking first is kind of rude in general, but since this is Jimmy she’s probably afraid this is an alien bird that poops Kryptonite or something.
Now you would think that the bird is the way to get rid of Mxyzptlk…
…but Jimmy doesn’t recognize the clue.
To be fair, if I heard a parrot say “Kltpzyxm” my first guess would be that the bird is having a stroke.
At least Jimmy gets a pair of wings out of this deal. But no addition to the superpowers list, since he’s had the power of flight several times already.
The leprechaun is such a menace that Superman tries to kill him… (WTF!?)
…and just gives up. (!!!)
At this point you’re probably thinking “okay this is so out of character for Superman that he must know this is actually Mxyzptlk and it’s all just a stupidly elaborate plan to get rid of him”.
And…
…nope! Mxyzptlk defeats himself!
COME ON! I’m a fan of Mr. Mxyzptlk and he’s typically dumber than a bag of hammers, so it’s perfectly in character for him to screw up so easily… BUT a good Mxyzptlk story includes Superman doing at least ONE clever thing!
But no, Superman remains completely oblivious to the end.
Okay, last story. We’ve had werewolves and leprechauns, this comic can’t surprise me anymore.
I stand corrected. I did not expect “crossdressing Jimmy”.
I usually leave the letters to the end of the review, but this one is interesting: “Jimmy plays hard to get”.
Talk about a sign of the times. I thought Jimmy was the thirstiest man alive!
Aaaand next page:
Hard to get. Riiiiight.
Jimmy should be careful: Superman will be away for a while and he won’t be able hear his signal watch.
This time he doesn’t let Supergirl babysit him.
It’s probably because Supergirl found him too annoying last time. It’s definitely for the best: I don’t want to think that Jimmy is still pining for “Miss X”.
Later, Jimmy finds a lead to a big story about a jewel thief, but in order to investigate he has to infiltrate the cast of an all-girls chorus line.
Naturally, this leads to Jimmy disguising himself as a girl.
AND IT WORKS.
“Let’s see your legs, sister!”. I’m beginning to think that this theater owned by a renown jewel thief might not be full of good guys.
Also: good thing Jimmy shaves his legs, I guess.
What kind of show is this anyway? There are dancing girls and a scene where they play baseball?
Why would you hire a real player and make him throw the ball so fast that your cast can’t catch it?
I guess we’re supposed to think it’s a normal throw and that Jimmy was able to catch the ball because he isn’t a girl?
Jimmy gets the job (because of course he does) and end up sharing the apartment with the girlfriend of the boss.
Who CONVENIENTLY lives in the same complex of Lucy Lane.
And who owns a chimp. (!?!?)
I’m expecting the twist to be that “Maisie” is also a man? She looks more masculine than Jimmy when he’s not wearing a dress.
And what do you know, the boss is in love with Jimmy.
I’m not joking, he’s seriously into him/her!
He’s already at the “I’ll murder anyone who looks at you” stage of a mobster relationship.
AND I’M NOT KIDDING. “Bang! Bang!”.
At least Jimmy manages to avoid kissing him.
I’ll take a chimp kissing a mobster over Supergirl kissing Jimmy Olsen any day.
But the next day the mobster catches Jimmy looking for the stolen jewels, and discovers that *gasp* his girl is a man!
Fortunately, the chimpanzee saves the day with a baseball bat.
The Silver Age, man…
So that takes care of the mobster. But what about the stolen jewels?
The answer is… chewing gun.
You know, I’m starting to think that the mobster who was fooled by Jimmy and knocked out by a chimp may not have been a criminal mastermind.
Sounds legit. And disgusting.
And we’re mercifully at the end!
Jimmy, I won’t judge if you want to dress as a woman, but make up your mind!
Historical significance: 1/10
The werewolf transformation will be referenced again. That’s a low bar, but it’s something.
Silver Age-ness
First story: 6/10
Second story: 6/10
Third story: 8/10
The first two are rather average for the times. The third one scores higher because of the chimp.
Does it stand the test of time?
First story: 1/10
This is dumb. Nearly as dumb as it gets. Obviously “Jimmy turns into a werewolf” can be done in any age, but you have to throw out everything that happens in this story.
Second story: 8/10
If you take out Superman, it’s a perfectly legit Mxyzptlk story. Better that most of the Silver Age ones, actually. Better ignore how Superman just embarrasses himself.
Third story: 4/10
Much to my surprise, it’s not as bad as I feared! It loses A LOT of points because of the sheer number of contrivances, but there’s barely any sexism. Despite this… while not as dumb as the first story, it still sucks.
Stupid Jimmy Olsen moment
First story: that curse would be ridiculously easy to break for anyone but Jimmy. Bonus stupidity: Jimmy not believing the curse is real
Second story: dismissing the leprechaun as a hallucination. What is it with Jimmy and not believing magic exists?
Third story: Jimmy hits the jackpot when the mobster falls for him but doesn’t even try to use it to his advantage to get clues
Superpower count: 23
You might think that being turned into a werewolf would count for something… but Jimmy doesn’t actually show any powers after the transformation, so we’re still at 23.