ADVENTURE COMICS 338 (1965)
by Jerry Siegel & John Forte
I’ve been dreading to reach this issue since I started the Legion retrospective.
We begin millions of years in the future, at a dinosaur-shaped building.
This is the last cool panel of the entire issue.
That’s the headquarters of the Time Trapper, who lives there with his… interestingly dressed henchmen.
And most importantly we are introduced to his underling Glorith.
The “special gloves” are to protect her from the effects of the Time Trapper’s hourglass, which can be used to turn people younger.
Considering the Time Trapper is a time traveler you might think that it has something to do with his time machine, but no, the hourglass emits “devolutionary radiation”.
(also: I might have to repeat the word “time” a thousand times in this review!)
We then turn to the 30th century, where once again we are shown what the Legionnaires are doing in their spare time.
Invisible Kid ditches his date, which is interesting since he’s one of the Legionnaires that would later be considered gay by the fandom.
More interestingly, we are shown the parents of Matter-Eater Lad. Since their most famous appearance will be a Jim Shooter story that will characterize them as trying to get rich by exploiting their son’s Legion career, it’s pretty telling that the mother is so demanding about her present.
It’s also pretty clear where they got the idea that they could get rich easily: Element Lad!
No wonder we’ll learn that this family has issues. The mother insists on a present for Mother’s Day when it’s not a holiday from their planet AND the son doesn’t consider sculpting a bust with his own hands a suitable present unless it’s made of gold!
Chameleon Boy is using his shapeshifting powers to be an actor. I don’t remember this being used ever again.
The Legionnaires are called to the base where Saturn Girl is in charge, filling for the absent leader: Brainiac 5.
Uh? When did he become the leader!?
The Legionnaires are alerted to a plan by the Time Trapper, and they find Glorith at an amusement park where she traps them with a ring that is as “impassable” as the Iron Curtain of Time itself.
She “tricks” them into touching the hourglass (which I HOPE means she’s somehow hypnotized them), and they begin to devolve into protoplasm.
Except it doesn’t work: they simply stop once they’re turned back into kids.
And why didn’t the hourglass work properly? This amusement park includes the Fountain of 1,000 Chemicals ™, which I think is an earlier model of the Lawsuit Waiting To Happen ™.
Meanwhile, millions of years in the future (WTF!?), the Time Trapper decides to take charge.
This is also happening at the same time when Superboy and Brainiac 5 are a million years in the future (double WTF!?).
But it was all a trap from the Time Trapper, who now has them stuck on the other side of the time barrier because… I don’t even know anymore. WTF is happening in this comic!?
And now the story becomes idiotic.
Yes, NOW. Everything you’ve read so far?
This was the part that MADE SENSE.
Let’s forget what we’ll be told about the Time Trapper in the following decades.
So far he’s been repeatedly considered the greatest menace to the Legion. The first time they dealt with him directly, the Legion had to use a device that consumed ALL THE ENERGY IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE just to stop him.
Now his plan is… bribe the Baby Legionnaires to help him commit crimes.
HE LIVES MILLIONS OF YEARS IN THE FUTURE. WHY IS HE ROBBING BANKS!?!?
WHY IS HE STEALING PROTOTYPE ROBOT DOLLS!?!?
Also: how can John Forte draw kids that give me Uncanny Valley vibes? Look at those giant heads!
It’s a miracle that the Time Trapper’s reputation ever recovered from this story. But it’s even more impressive that Glorith will be resurrected and turned into a MAJOR part of the Legion lore, considering she does almost nothing in the story and is defeated… like this.
“SPLORP!” is a nice review of this comic.
But if you think Glorith’s defeat was an utter embarrassment… the Time Trapper actually gets it WORSE.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have reached rock bottom.
Brainiac 5 agrees to the Time Trapper’s offer: rebuild his time machine in exchange for a cure for the Legionnaires.
But the Legionnaires have the last laugh. Well at least SOMEONE had a good time in this story, because I certainly didn’t.
What a “SPLORP!” of a story.
How is THIS:
… the origin of THIS!?
Legion significance: 9/10
I hate this, but Glorith will return in 1990 after the Five Year Gap and she will become immensely important by creating the “Glorithverse” timeline, being instrumental in making the Legion continuity what can only be affectionately described as “a colossal clusterf#ck”.
Basically everything happening between 1990 and 1994 in the Legion books can be traced back to Glorith, one way or another.
If I’m not mistaken, the Time Trapper won’t appear again in the Legion books until 1977. He does have a couple of appearances in the Superman books in 1970.
Silver Age-ness: 10/10
When you have the supposedly all-powerful nemesis of your team defeated by a bunch of babies…
Does it stand the test of time? 0/10
This one hurts. Especially as a fan of the force of nature that will be the Time Trapper in later appearances… this looks like a bad ripoff of a Disney villain.
Ironically, even if future minor appearances of the Time Trapper will be retconned into being lesser henchmen manipulated by the real TT… this one wasn’t, so from a technical standpoint we are still supposed to believe that the future incarnation of entropy, the supreme ruler of the end of time, was defeated by babies.
Glorith’s later popularity baffles me. She has a bland design, has no personality other than “smugly evil”, she has no backstory, she has no powers, she has no chemistry with the Time Trapper and she barely interacts with the Legion. Of all the early Legion villains to resurrect, why Glorith!?
We are legion
10 Legionnaires active in this story
9 not shown but officially members
1 reserve member: Bouncing Boy
2 resigned member: Dream Girl, Command Kid
1 honorary member: Elastic Lad
1 deceased member: Dynamo Boy
How much Legion is too much?
The Legion has 19 active members. The total number of characters who have been members is 24.
Interesting letters: two pages are dedicated to a literal popularity contest, where Mon-El is surprisingly a fan favorite.
Most answers are pretty predictable, with reasons varying between “most powerful”, “most resourceful”, or “most original power”. This one stood out to me:
Look, I like Cosmic Boy in later stories. But considering only what’s been published so far… what has he done, exactly!?
NO, IT WASN’T A COUP.
In your review of this story, you were puzzled over Saturn Girl filling in for “absent leader Brainiac 5”. I believe you put it, “Uh? When did he become the leader?”
Just back up one issue. In Adventure Comics # 377, the caption of the first panel of the story proper reads: “In the 30th century, the Legion of Super-Heroes meets in its clubhouse to hear its newly elected leader, Brainiac 5, tell of an impending crisis!”
True, we didn’t see the election, but they had one.
Hope this helps.
You’re right, I must’ve missed the earlier caption. Considering how important the elections will become, I probably wasn’t expecting to see it barely mentioned.
Me think this story is a real doggy. I like doggys. Can you play with me! Bad man! Waaaah.