JIMMY OLSEN 88 (1965)
“The Swinging Superman!” by Otto Binder & Curt Swan
“Jimmy Olsen, Heavyweight Champ!” by Otto Binder & John Forte
DC was pretty desperate to be “hip” in 1965.
We begin with the Rockstar “Ricky Rock” landing in Metropolis singing the “Lucy loop”.
Yep. That’s boyfriend #285 for Lucy.
“Ricky Rock” is profoundly uninteresting. I like his fangirls, for some reason.
Jimmy Olsen, who “took guitar lessons ONCE”, is sure that he has what it takes to become the newest musical sensation overnight.
By cheating, of course.
Hearing Jimmy’s music makes Superman wish his rocket crashed on another planet recall something about Krypton.
“This makes me think about that time I saw my father tie up my mother”. WTF!?
He also remembers hearing about a tune that compelled Kryptonians to dance.
AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
This abomination was stopped by Jor-El thanks to his Bondage Gun.
Okay, so Superman remembers hearing a tune that compels you to dance to your doom. And what does it do with it? HE MAKES JIMMY PLAY IT.
WHAT DID YOU EXPECT!?
Is it just me or does it look like Superman has a super-seizure, rather than dancing?
He stops only when he reads a sign. SERIOUSLY.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, the story goes completely insane.
Yes. NOW.
How is it that “Jimmy Olsen plays music written by Cthulhu” was far more believable than THIS?
You have hypnotized Superman. You can have him do ANYTHING.
And you use this for…
Step 1: sneak into a naval base to plant a bomb.
Step 2: the bomb will release monsters created by a biological experiment. That was NOT MENTIONED UNTIL NOW.
Step 3: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
HOW IS THIS A DEDUCTION!?!?
Thank Cthulhu we can’t hear the music.
Wow. That was even more stupid than the cover.
Let’s move to the second story, drawn by Legion veteran John Forte.
I guess this explains why so many people in the 30th century know so much about the Legion.
So let me get this straight.
We know that the Legion hypnotizes Superboy and Supergirl to prevent them from accidentally revealing secrets about the future… and yet they let Jimmy Olsen write articles about them!?
Sounds legit.
Jimmy’s article about Star Boy’s origins is enough to allow Professor Potter to synthesize a serum that grants anyone his powers.
Considering how many times Professor Potter has broken every single law of physics, I think he did this one on purpose to mess with Jimmy.
It’s not even the first time Jimmy gains super-weight!
The consequences range from the believable…
…to the utterly ridiculous…
…to the downright criminal.
Instead of going home to wait for the serum to lose its effect, Jimmy visits a the hideout of recently arrested criminals. Specifically, its museum of what Superman writers think of the characters.
Superman decides to throw out the trash.
ALL OF IT.
Unfortunately Superman notices before Jimmy crashes. So he decides to exile him to a random mountain.
Unfortunately, while he’s there SUDDEN KRYPTONITE!
Jimmy saves him thanks to a conveniently placed steel beam.
At least we get a happy ending.
Historical significance: 0/10
The Krypton Crawl was a one-hit wonder.
Silver Age-ness: 10/10
The red Kryptonite and Professor Potter’s serum alone are worth it.
Does it stand the test of time?
First story: 0/10
If we had stopped at “Superman accidentally gives Jimmy hypnotic alien music”, it would’ve been a solid 6/10. The ending turns it into crap.
Second story: 0/10
Directly crap. But at least Jimmy is broke because of it, which is always nice.
Superpowers count: 37
No increase, since Jimmy’s already been super-heavy before.
Stupid Jimmy Olsen moment
First story: it’s either “I can become a great musician because I took guitar lessons ONCE” or “This music is giving Superman a seizure, let’s keep playing it”.
Second story: Going to the pool party when he knows he weights a ton. What the…!?
Kryptonite, baby!
It’s so prevalent that any random mountain has huge boulders of the stuff.