Action Comics #391 – Comics Archeology

ACTION COMICS 391 (1970)
“The Ordeal of Element Lad!” by E. Nelson Bridwell & Win Mortimer
“The Punishment of Superman’s Son” by Robert Kanigher & Ross Andru
Cover by Curt Swan

Ah, the Super-Sons. One of the thrashiest series by DC Comics.

But first, let’s finish the Legion story.

Turns out the assistant from last issue recognized Saturn Girl because they went to college together.

I have no clue how old Saturn Girl is supposed to be, considering all the Legionnaires should still be teenagers. It’s said that “Saturnians” (they’re not said to be from Titan yet) learn exceedingly fast, so maybe she finished college at 12 for all we know.

It’s more than a little hard to believe that her friend doesn’t know that she joined the Legion, since the Legionnaires are supposed to be immensely popular.

Saturn Girl does get the job she needs to spy on the scientists, but the fact that her old friend is also a telepath complicates things.

Chameleon Boy is doing some investigations on his own.

As is Brainiac 5, once he discovers that Karate Kid managed to scrape some material off the androids when they fought last issue.

So when the androids attack, he’s able to give Element Lad their exact chemical composition!

This needs to look like a victory for the rebels and not for the Legion. So Element Lad has to defeat the androids on his own while ALSO making it look like it was the rebels who did the job, even if they have completely useless weapons!

Just in case you missed it from his previous adventures, and I totally understand you if you did: Element Lad is a real powerhouse when used correctly.

Saturn Girl may not have been able to steal the scientist’s notes, but she’s been coordinating the attack from afar.

Good old-fashioned teamwork saves the day!

The dictator is overthrown, and the leader of the revolutionary army (who is actually working for the Dark Circle) gets to steal the treasury.

Except, thanks once again to Element Lad…

This gets him arrested: the revolution was successful, but the Dark Circle won’t be able to influence this planet.

A much-deserved improvement for Element Lad!

Let’s go back to the Super-Sons. If you’re not familiar with this, the premise is that Superman Jr. sucks at everything and his father hates him.

I’m not kidding! Contrast the way Batman treats Batman Jr. And yes, these are REALLY their codenames: Superman Junior and Batman Junior.

Another staple of the Super-Sons: we NEVER learn the identity of the mothers, their faces are never shown. We don’t even know their real hair color!

Superman is always mean to his son and really, REALLY obsessed about Batman.

And we’re talking Luthor levels of obsession here!

Superman saves the last existing specimen of an alien singing flower…

…only for Superman Jr. to IMMEDIATELY destroy them!!!

I don’t know what gets me the most: how pathetically useless Superman Jr is, or how harsh and abusive his father is.

Not that Batman is saved from being a complete a##hole, mind you!

The fact that Superman Jr is FOURTEEN puts things into a different perspective, doesn’t it?
Also: Batman is going to leave his job to a vigilante that runs around in a bicycle.

Superman allows his son to try a solo mission: stopping some criminals who have Kryptonite underwater tanks.

Batman Jr manages to defeat them by forcing the tank to return to the surface.

However it turns out that Superman Jr isn’t even able to recognize real Kryptonite!

Oh come on, can’t Superman Jr do ANYTHING right!?

Superman then takes him to a visit of the Fortress of Solitude, to hammer in the fact that everybody else in his family was better than Superman Jr.

Superman has to leave on a mission. Superman Jr is left in charge of the Fortress of Solitude, where he meets another Superman Jr.

And naturally they fight, risking to endanger the lives of the super-zoo of the Fortress.

Turns out Superman Jr just kicked the crap out of his birthday present: a robot that was supposed to teach him how to use his powers.

Since Superman Jr has shown time and time again that he can’t use his powers properly… Superman just takes them away!!!

And that’s the end! The story will continue, but HOLY CRAP is Superman terrible in this!!!

Historical significance
Legion story: 0/10
Much like the first part, this won’t have repercussions.
Super-sons: 0/10
These stories pretty much run in anti-continuity, so…

Silver Age-ness
Legion story: 1/10
Considering how famous the Legionnaires are, both Saturn Girl’s friend and at least one of the revolutionaries should’ve recognized them!
Super-sons: 10/10
The bat-bike kills me every time.

Does it stand the test of time?
Legion story: 9/10
Put together with the first part, a surprisingly well-made if short story.
Super-sons: -50/10
Tied to Lois Lane #50 as the lowest score. Everybody is just horrible in this!!!

We are legion
25 Legionnaires
3 reserve members: Kid Psycho, Insect Queen, Superboy
3 honorary members: Elastic Lad, Pete Ross, Rond Vidar
1 resigned member: Command Kid
1 expelled member: Nemesis Kid
2 deceased members: Dynamo Boy, Ferro Lad

How much Legion is too much?
The total number of characters who have been members is 35.

Interesting letters: we have the results of the elections for the Legion’s leader! With some… interesting reasons for the votes.