STRANGE TALES 120 (1964)
by Stan Lee & Jack Kirby
cover by Jack Kirby
Considering that this series was really pushing the fact that the Human Torch is a teenager, it’s crazy to think it took this long before a team-up with Iceman.
We begin at the Baxter Building, where the Human Torch is upset because the X-Men are getting a lot of press coverage.
This is from the very early days of the X-Men, so the idea that they are hated by the public hasn’t really been a big factor.
Also: is the Invisible Girl helping test the equipment or is she doing a commercial for a really big phone?
This has the Torch so worked up that he decides to relax by taking a boat. (what!?)
Meanwhile the X-Men are getting ready for a date…
…which upsets Iceman because he’s the only one who isn’t constantly asking out Marvel Girl.
Which is very odd because, in this period, Cyclops could never get the nerve to even acknowledge that he liked her!
Also very odd: Iceman feeling colder in his underwear than covered by snow. (WTF!?)
As you’ve already seen this is still the period where Iceman should’ve called himself Snowman.
Of course he ends up going to the same boat where the Human Torch is, and since he’s late he boards it without anybody noticing the pole vaulting snowman. (double WTF!?)
The boat is full of teenagers… I guess either this was a popular thing to do in the 60s or Stan Lee thought this was a popular thing to do in the 60s… and Iceman ends up hitting on Dorrie Evans.
So let me get this straight… Dorrie absolutely hates when Johnny shows off his Human Torch powers, except when she can rub in everybody’s face that she’s dating a superhero?
Sounds legit.
Also: if they’re trying to replicate the dynamic that the Human Torch has with Spider-Man… sorry Iceman but your practical jokes really suck.
This is kind of boring without SUDDEN PIRATES!
When THE BYSTANDERS point out the ridiculousness of your plot, that’s a bad sign.
But… I mean… how much trouble can the Human Torch have dealing with some pirates?
Especially if he ALSO has Iceman providing backup?
But these aren’t normal pirates: they’re led by Captain Barracuda!
Captain Barracuda will become a… well even calling him a third rate supervillain would be too generous.
His greatest claim to fame is this little gem from Hulk #219:
I’ll give you a minute to process what’s wrong with the above panel.
Just how lame is Captain Barracuda? He doesn’t even bother using an asbestos sheet to stop the Human Torch! I take that as a personal insult.
His GENIUS plan is that if the Human Torch sets fire to the sheet he’ll have to jump into the water to avoid setting the entire boat on fire.
AND IT WORKS!!!
Luckily for the other passengers, Iceman has the balls to deal with the situation.
(I am not apologizing for that joke)
Captain Barracuda’s other genius plan is to stop Iceman with gasoline, and AGAIN IT WORKS.
Even after the Torch has dried up and has his flames back, he STILL can’t stop Captain Barracuda from taking Doris hostage.
Dude, you’re being outsmarted by a guy who is completely surprised to run into an iceberg RIGHT AFTER FIGHTING ICEMAN !!!
Now that’s just embarrassing.
And so Iceman just leaves, sad that he didn’t get a date.
And so we end with the Human Torch’s girlfriend thinking that Iceman is pretty hot.
Talk about irony.
Historical significance: 0/10
Did you seriously think the first appearance of Captain Barracuda would merit a higher score? His greatest moment is not knowing how to use a periscope!
Silver Age-ness: 9/10
Almost peak Silver Age on the Marvel scale. Seriously, a pirate crew taking over a boat on the Hudson river without anybody noticing? Plus they almost take out both superheroes with exceedingly lame plots!?
Does it stand the test of time? 0/10
On paper, a story featuring the Human Torch and Iceman SHOULD have all the right ingredients to be great. They are both teenagers (even if I think Iceman might be slightly younger), they have literally opposite powers, they can both be showboats… the contrast with the Torch loving being the center of attention while Iceman has to keep a low profile SHOULD write itself.
Instead both characters come out as very bland and generic, stuck in a naïve plot against a forgettable villain.