METAL MEN 13 (1965)
by Robert Kanigher & Ross Andru
You’d never tell by the cover, but this is one of the most consequential issues of Metal Men.
We begin with Doc Magnus rebuilding the Metal Men after last issue, including Platinum… who didn’t actually get destroyed in that story.
I’m not including this one in the death count since for all we know those could just be spare parts.
The quintessential Mercury panel, talking about how wonderful he is and how he’s the only liquid metal at room temperature.
All that it’s missing is him being insufferable towards others, but give him time.
Tin is feeling lonely, so he buys himself a “make your own robot” kit. (!!!)
Since everything he knows about robots he learned by watching Doc Magnus, he gets the bright idea of using one of his Responsometers.
AND IT WORKS.
Tin will consistently call her “Beautiful”, but since she won’t get a proper name the comics will call her “Nameless”, so for consistency I’ll call her just that from the start.
Get used to Nameless being around, folks. She will be a near constant presence for the next 20 issues or so.
On the above panel, at first I thought there was something off with the perspective of her feet… and there is… but I’m more distracted by the fact that she has heels.
I told you it was a matter of time before Mercury would be insufferable towards someone else.
When Tina defends Nameless, the situation turns into a robot fight.
Which isn’t a big surprise since because EVERYTHING makes the Metal Men fight each other.
Since Nameless thinks she’s the one to blame, she flees the lab and steals Doc’s flying saucer… which apparently is always ready to launch at a moment’s notice.
Obviously anyone dumb enough to keep that kind of vehicle without any security didn’t bother with a remote control, so the only way to stop Nameless is for Iron to throw Tin like a boomerang.
Well, it’s the only way if you’re absolutely bonkers, but… you know.
When Iron tries a second time he throws Tin to fast he nearly leaves orbit (!!!), so Nameless has to shapeshift into a spoon to catch him.
Yeah… Nameless is a shapeshifter like the others. Apparently the Responsometer isn’t just the brain AND the heart AND the power supply of the Metal Men, it’s also what gives them their powers?
Also: Tin and Nameless are headed for outer space now.
I feel you, Tina. Now you know how I react to every single issue.
Is it too late to start a petition to send Mercury into space?
And then ABSOLUTELY OUT OF NOWHERE Tin and Nameless land on another planet!
Every single alien planet we have seen so far in this series has been inhabited by robots, so it’s no surprise it happens again.
Bet you were not expecting ROBOT TERMITES though!!!
Or the SECOND robot planet, this time cannibal robots!!!
Or the THIRD one with the robots that eat skyscrapers!!!
All these robots are clearly related, but yes, we go through THREE ROBOT PLANETS in four pages!!!
You might expect the giant cannibal robot to follow Tin and Nameless to Earth. But I bet you didn’t expect THE PLANET to follow them!!!
The Skyscraper Robot falls down to Earth, specifically in “Skyscraper City”.
And he ALMOST steps on the Metal Men completely by accident!!!
Don’t be worried about Doc Magnus, we all know he’s immortal.
Ah yes, the world-famous “evacuate the entire city” holiday.
Well will you look at that, the cover scene actually happens in the comic! Always a treat.
Unfortunately, the Skyscraper Robot is tougher than the team expected.
Luckily for them Gold is trying to develop a personality, and this time serves as the team’s smart guy. With the genius strategy of “hit it where it’s weak”.
Because we all remember the well-known property of metals: breaking them by hitting one spot.
Then Tin shows up and Gold has another part of the plan: use him to create a protective coating around Iron, which is useful in this case because ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
At least we get the confirmation that Nameless is made of tin as well.
This way we can double the number of useless members of the team!
I still have no idea why coating Iron is necessary. Or what does any of this has to do with the atomic structure of metals. But at least Ross Andru is getting creative with the use of panels again.
God is Mercury insufferable or what!?
Doc Magnus is rescued and is completely unharmed (told you he’s immortal!), and we cut to how to call Nameless. The fact that she’s a member of the team is not discussed, but she’s implicitly joining the Metal Men.
Also: I think Kanigher is shooting himself on the foot because he already had a character called Tina, so that’s out of the question for the female Tin.
The question is left to the readers, in a pretty blatant fourth wall break.
As anticipated, no official name will ever be picked.
Metal Men significance: 10/10
As mentioned, Nameless is practically the sixth member. Which, even by Metal Men standards, is WEIRD. If Kanigher wanted to create a girlfriend for Tin, why not choose any other metal!? She would still look ridiculous but least she could’ve been somewhat useful!
Silver Age-ness: 106/10
Everything regarding Nameless, the casual space travel, the THREE planets with evil robots, the flying planet used to get to Earth (by ONE robot!!!), the bloodless city destruction… need I say more?
Does it stand the test of time? 0/10
“Mercury is the only liquid metal at room temperature”: 10
Planet of evil robots: 7
The planet with robot termites AND the one with cannibal robots AND the one with robots that eat skyscrapers!!!
Issues when not a single Metal Man dies: 3
Number of elements: 17
Despite her weird origin Nameless is, for all intents and purposes, just another elemental robot.