Superboy and the LSH #234 (1977)
by Gerry Conway & Ric Estrada
cover by Mike Grell
If you thought Composite Superman was too silly, wait until you see the Composite Legionnaire.
We begin with the Legion hunting space dragons, so you might have an idea of the kind of story this is going to be.
Don’t get the wrong idea, though: they are not killing the space dragons, because they are apparently essential to Shrinking Violet’s planet.
Get ready from some bonkers worldbuilding, courtesy of Gerry Conway.
Turns out the planet Imsk was colonized a million years ago (well since this is the 30th century, technically it was only 999,000 years ago) but very soon the planet began shrinking!
But wait, it gets crazier!
A scientist discovered that the rocks were radioactive, and he used that energy to shrink the other Imskians.
The people eventually developed the power to shrink on their own.
But wait, it gets crazier!
The Imskians need a yearly dose of the same radiation to keep their powers: if they don’t, they’re going to die because the planet shrinks every ten years for 90 days!
But wait, it gets crazier! Because THIS IS A SECRET TO THE REST OF THE GALAXY!
But wait! Yes, really, it gets EVEN CRAZIER THAN THAT!!!
Oh boy. I think I’m going to need a minute because WTF!?
First of all: the fact that the planet is the one to shrink and the people sort of inherited the power is actually a cool idea. But, having said that…
An entire planet shrinks for three months every ten years and nobody notices!? There is no indication whatsoever that Imsk is isolated from the rest of the galaxy! Are we supposed to believe they are THAT good at covering this up!?
Plus: the space dragons ate all the radioactive rocks on the entire planet!? Even Saturn Girl calls bulls##t on that!!! And why don’t the dragons shrink when exposed to the rocks? Or are they supposed to be even bigger and what we see is the shrunk version?
*sigh*
Let’s put that nonsense aside for a moment to focus on a part of the issue that I find more compelling. Which is, weirdly enough, about politics!
No, really!
Great to see Phantom Girl finally developing a personality, but scenes like these help make the Legion’s absurd world feel more realistic.
Also some insight of Wildfire courtesy of Duplicate Boy, of all people. Remember him? Shrinking Violet’s on-again off-again boyfriend? He’s around for some reason.
We get an interesting contrast here: Phantom Girl is the cynical one who doesn’t expect things can change…
…while Chameleon Boy is the one pushing for change, appropriately enough.
Which basically means “If we all agree Wildfire sucks as a leader, shouldn’t we elect a new one?”.
That’s a continuity error, by the way! The way Chameleon Boy talks you would think Wildfire was elected by a majority, but on issue #225 Superboy actually received the most votes but he was disqualified for bulls##t reasons.
Back to the space dragons, things go for the worst when Colossal Boy gets impatient to get through this whole plot (and really, can you blame him?).
This causes the scales to explode. You would think the result would be shrinking the Legionnaires, but instead it fuses them into this monstrosity:
That’s bad news because, in addition to giving nightmares to anyone who dares to gaze upon this monstrosity, Composite Legionnaire ends up attacking Earth.
In addition to sucking as a leader, Wildfire sucks in general this time.
The situation is so bad that the President of Earth orders the Legion to stand down, wanting to send a bounty hunter to deal with Composite Legionnaire.
Wildfire takes it exactly the way you would expect Wildfire to react.
This is getting ridiculous.
I’m not saying Composite Legionnaire is weak: it has the combined powers of Colossal Boy, Lightning Lad, Shrinking Violet and Saturn Girl.
But that’s four Legionnaires. You mean to tell me the other NINETEEN Legionnaires are not powerful enough to stop this!? Don’t get me wrong, I like all the four Legionnaires that have been absorbed… but we’re not talking about the Legion powerhouses! The only absorbed Legionnaire that I can see being a problem is Saturn Girl… except Composite Legionnaire is mostly a mindless beast, I can’t imagine it’s using telepathy THAT well.
Really the only creative use of Saturn Girl’s powers is this bit:
Composite Legionnaire is such a badly written menace that Superboy has to be put out of the fight for half the story because SOMEHOW Lightning Lad’s electric blasts contain red sun energy.
Okay it’s bad enough when you randomly put Kryptonite everywhere, but at least that’s a fictional thing! The energy of a red sun inside a lightning bolt? Even in a superhero universe, what kind of sense does that make!?
Just be grateful I’m skipping over the entire part about the bounty hunter fighting Composite Legionnaire on his own. I know he’s probably a great candidate for Worst Villain in the next Legion Awards, but honestly he’s too boring EVEN FOR THAT.
But wait, it gets crazier!
Because the solution is going to require getting another dose of radioactive space dragon scales, which is going to be accomplished by Duplicate Boy duplicating the dragon’s “sonic mating call”.
That’s not how Duplicate Boy’s powers work, but more importantly THAT’S NOT HOW SOUND WORKS!!!
*sigh*
Anyway Wildfire absorbs the space dragon energy, separates Composite Legionnaire into the original boys and girls, and then pretends to be dead until next issue.
I totally get how you feel, Wildfire.
Historical significance: 0/10
This SHOULD have more impact! I’m fairly certain the space dragons get mentioned a few times, as does the fact that Imsk periodically shrinks.
The fact that Imskians require periodic boosts to keep their powers doesn’t, and I’m not entirely sure it fits with what happens to Shrinking Violet in the 80s.
Silver Age-ness: 10/10
Space dragons (who can speak in space) eat all the radioactive rocks of a world that secretly shrinks on its own, causing the rocks to be digested into scales that can be used to give people the superpower to shrink. Be careful not to harvest too many scales or you can be merged with up to three other people! Also watch out for lightning bolds that contain red sun energy.
Does it stand the test of time? 2/10
Why, Gerry Conway, why!? You’re a WAY better writer than this! Having artwork by Ric “Karate Kid” Estrada didn’t help.
The ONLY reason this is not a 0/10 are the scenes between Phantom Girl and Chameleon Boy.
More of that please, Conway, and less nonsense!
We are legion
23 Legionnaires
6 reserve members