These two What If stories have nothing to do with each other, but I’m putting these together to cleanse the palate from the first one. This is also the penultimate What If review before we return to the main retrospective.
WHAT IF? vol.2 #89 (1996)
by Ben Raab & Mike Miller
cover by Ariel Olivetti
I believe the title is “What If the Fantastic Four sucked”.
After the crash of his spaceship, Reed Richards is put to trial for having stolen a spaceship (believable) in an attempt to murder his fiancée and his friend (less believable).
Instead of becoming invisible, Susan has turned into an intangible ghost…
…and she pointlessly dies after taking Reed out of prison.
Then Nick Fury shows up (????) to reveal that the rest of the team is still alive and prisoner of Doom, who is using the Human Torch as a battery. He’s also the one to frame Reed for the murder of the others (SOMEHOW).
Once he reaches Latveria, Reed gets captured IMMEDIATELY. The smartest man in the world, ladies and gentlemen.
The Thing is also a prisoner. A very angry and very naked Thing.
You might have noticed that Reed was wearing an exoskeleton in all previous panels; that’s because he can’t control his powers.
He manages to escape thanks to the Thing, and the two rescue the Torch… only to face what is possibly the worst Doctor Doom design I have ever seen.
Seriously, if it wasn’t for the mask there would be absolutely no way you’d say this was Doctor Doom. And even with the mask, that’s debatable!
The Torch takes care of him by blowing himself up…
…and in the only moment that I kind of enjoyed, Reed tells us he’s redeeming himself by helping clear up the disaster caused by one of Bruce Banner’s experiments.
People were paid to write, pencil, ink, color and distribute this thing. With money.
You understand why I needed a cleanser after this one, right?
WHAT IF? vol.2 #97 (1997)
by James Felder & Leonard Manco
The artwork on this one definitely isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but it definitely has A TON of artistic passion behind it.
It doesn’t even feel like a Marvel comic, to be honest.
But it does link to Doctor Doom right away, when a mysterious woman shows up out of nowhere looking for the help of Black Knight.
Unfortunately the original Black Knight has already died, and so has King Arthur.
The woman is accompanied by a man claiming to be a resurrected Merlin, but he’s actually Nathaniel Richards. Not Kang, but Reed’s time-traveling father.
He’s here to gather allies against Doom. Turns out that he’s traveled back in time to marry Morgan LeFay and, what else, conquer the world.
Not gonna lie, Medieval Doctor Doom looks AMAZING.
While the latest Black Knight gathers soldiers, Nathaniel reveals that the girl accompanying him is the daughter of Morgan LeFay. And considering her name is Valeria, take a guess about her father.
The plot is actually more nuanced than it looks but I keep getting distracted by just how awesome this version of Doom looks.
So… we have Black Knight on a flying horse, leading an army of medieval knights and berserker Vikings who just set their ships on fire. This might just be the most metal comic book ever.
Even Valeria Von Doom gets in the mood, because I think she’s dancing rather than fighting.
Basically this is a Conan story…
…if Conan stories included gorgeous depictions of a time travel military base, which we can all agree would be awesome.
We don’t get a ton of backstory about this Doom, but if he has actually succeeded in killing Reed… yeah I can see him going back to Camelot, because at that point why bother with the 20th century?
However the Black Knight is still in the fight, despite being injured earlier, and he manages to kill Doctor Doom.
That’s a pretty stupid death, yes, but on the other hand Doom’s last line is perfect.
And in the end Nathaniel has the last laugh: he sends Black Knight and Valeria back in time, to kill Doom before he can conquer Camelot and give birth to a new king.
Does that make any sense? Not really. Does it really matter?
Did any of this show up in continuity?
A depressing retelling of the Fantastic Four where they don’t control their powers and the Thing is naked the entire time? Yeah, luckily that never ever happened.
We will, however, get a Valeria Von Doom who is kind of part of the main continuity.
I vastly prefer the What If version of Valeria Von Doom, even if she doesn’t do much of anything. But then again I have rather… strong negative opinions of the Chris Claremont run on Fantastic Four.
Silver Age-ness: 0/10
Were you expecting anything else?
Does it stand the test of time?
First story: 0/10
Crap.
Second story: 10/10
I know, I know, I’m a Doom fanboy. Like I said it’s not going to appeal to everyone’s taste, but… just look at this wonderful thing!!!
