Dazzler #23 (1983)
by Danny Fingeroth & Frank Springer
If this was any other hero, I’d take the cover as symbolic and not immediately think it’s showing the hero about to be defeated.
But it’s Dazzler, so… maybe?
We begin with SUDDEN APARTMENT FIRE!
Dazzler’s half-sister Lois is now in the supporting cast. And thanks to her we learn that Dazzler also used to rap! I just pray we don’t get to see that in a scene… even without sound, I can just hear the cringe.
In order to get help (since the phones aren’t working), Dazzler uses her powers to glow. Her sister spots her, so if she’s not an idiot she’s bound to figure out she has powers.
Well she’s Dazzler’s sister, so it all depends if idiocy is genetic.
Jokes aside, it’s not a bad moment for Dazzler. Her powers aren’t of much use against fire, but she’s still using them to help people.
Okay I’m no expert on fire safety, but… is it really a great idea to linger in the apartment for whatever time it’s going to take to soak the blankets? Aren’t they just increasing the risk of suffocating?
Also, forget what I said about her powers being useless against fire, because apparently lasers can cut flames. (???)
Well what do you know, her sister is NOT an idiot!
A surprisingly somber moment for the series.
Don’t worry, Dazzler, I’m sure your tombstone won’t be that dire.
Dazzler initially suspected this was an attack from the Sisterhood of Evil Mutants after last issue, but they barely have a cameo in this story.
Turns out the fire was caused by a mercenary who goes by the name Flame.
Although I’m pretty sure the actual villain is the landlord.
Dazzler then takes what is possibly the first smart decision of her career: since she’s constantly targeted by supervillains and she CLEARLY doesn’t know how to handle them… she hires Luke Cage and Iron Fist as her body guards!!!
And in case you’re wondering: hiring them would cost 297.99$ dollars a day in 2023 money.
She’s right to be worried, because a fire breaks out almost immediately at her studio… but this time she has two ACTUAL superheroes to help.
Too bad Dazzler’s incompetency is apparently contagious, so the studio goes up in flames.
No, seriously, everyone turns into an idiot in this series.
I’m not exactly Angel’s biggest fan, but even he is not this useless.
Just like when she hired Spider-Woman, Dazzler has contracted an actual superhero (willingly this time!) to close an investigation… and she discovers the solution herself by sheer dumb luck.
Told you the landlord was the villain.
This series really goes out of its way to make Dazzler useless, to the point of adding the otherwise unnecessary detail about Flame being a mechanical genius who can build a completely silent motorcycle. (WTF!?)
Dazzler manages to break free by… just watch this, I don’t think I can describe it.
Dazzler manages to put on her skates, and once again we’re supposed to believe her acrobatics are more impressive than her being able to shoot lasers.
As you saw on the cover Flame also has a fire sword, so get ready for the lamest lightsaber fight ever.
And that’s it! Luke Cage and Iron Fist show up just in time to do nothing.
Soooo… Flame was a complete waste of a character. Let’s hope the next villain is an improvement.
The only subplot we get is Lois getting fainting spells. This will actually be more important than the entire Flame story.
Dazzler significance: 0/10
Silver Age-ness: 0/10
Does it stand the test of time? 0/10
If this wasn’t made by the regular writer and artist I’d swear this was a fill-in: it’s right in the middle of a storyline, doesn’t have anything to do with it, and it’s the epitome of boring and generic.
Obligatory underwear shot: 32
Also, Dazzler’s sister gets in the fanservice action. First her mother, now her: clearly it runs in the family.
I could be wrong, but I think Lois meant that she and Alison were talking until 3 in the morning. A quick Wikipedia search informed me that rapping started in the seventies, but the slang term “to rap” meaning “to converse” was fairly common when this comic was released.
If Alison was a rapper, I don’t blame her landlord for burning the place down!
I hadn’t thought about it. In retrospect, I would’ve made the same observation because the idea of Dazzler rapping is too hilarious to let the opportunity slide 😉
He’s not wrong; “rapping” in context clearly refers to conversation. But the other kind of rap must have made some mainstream inroads by 1983, and it wouldn’t be entirely surprising to see the trend-hopping Dazzler get around to it eventually….
Not to rain on the snark parade, but in the image where you say Alison’s laser is illogically “cutting flames”, what she’s doing is cutting through a fallen wooden beam that was on fire and blocking that woman from escaping. In fact, the caption clearly says that the laser beam was cutting through the burning timber.
I tell ya what: Let’s not knock the “obligatory underwear shots”- this series is even weaker than that other piece of crap from 1983, “The New Defenders”- the “obligatory underwear shots” is pretty much all this series has going for it. The one scene where Miss Dazzler is hanging out the window in her nightie is ALMOST worth the price of admission! Mr. “Flame” may be a fourth-rate Pyro, but at least he knows what he likes- and he’s kinky,too!! Power Man and Iron Fist must have been really taken in by Allison’s charms, because at their “special bargain rate” of a hundred dollars a day, they are certainly losing money on her case! Well, I AM a huge Angel fan, and I was not impressed with the scene where the Winged Wonder is hiding out. A seasoned professional like the Angel could come up with several ways to deal with the problem of the at-large Sisterhood. a) Hire serious muscle like Power Man and Iron Fist to protect himself and Allison. He can certainly afford it, and at full “Heroes For Hire” rates. b) Take Allison and retreat to the X-Mansion. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and the Angel and the Dazzler simply cannot fight off the Sisterhood alone. ( they got their asses kicked- and nearly KILLED-when they tried in the previous issue ) There is strength in numbers, and the Sisterhood would think twice about attacking the entire team of X-Men, especially on their own home grounds. ( unless they want THEIR asses kicked ) c) Notify SHIELD, the Fantastic Four, and the Avengers of the situation. Now, I know that’s the superhero equivalent of running to Mommy, but, as noted, desperate times call for desperate measures. So- there’s three options, just off the top of my head! Didn’t the Angel, the Beast, and the Iceman all wind up in the Defenders around this point in time??? Hanging out with/living with the Valkyrie would make me feel pretty safe!! Of course, if Miss Dazzler really is as nimble as she appears to be while fighting off Mr. Flame, then why does she NEED any help??? Spider-Man, Captain America, the Black Panther, the Black Widow, and Daredevil would all have had a hard time pulling off that manuever she pulled on Flame which disarmed him. And, finally, the “rap” issue- let’s please God not go there. I’m surprised Marvel still has yet to give us a superhero who can only activate his/her superpowers when he/she breaks out in a rap! It’s only a matter of time! ( See under: The 1984 Justice League of America/See under:Subheading: Vibe. See under: Subheading:Gypsy. ) Excelsior!