World’s Finest #224

World’s Finest #224 (1974)
by Bob Haney & Dick Dillin
cover by Nick Cardy

World’s Finest has changed its format to host different serials, meaning the covers are now a confusing mess.

But don’t let that distract you, it would still be an awful cover if it focused only on the Super-Sons.

We begin with Superman rescuing people from a collapsing building, with Junior being the only one to notice he’s left behind a dog.

So Junior runs into the building to save the dog, only for both needing to be rescued by Superman.

Which leads to Superman chastising his son. Not for saving the dog… he’s not THAT awful… but because Junior didn’t bother to switch to his costume to save his identity.

I’m not entirely sure whether Junior has super-speed or not. If he does, then Superman kind of has a point but he’s being terrible at explaining it.
If Junior doesn’t have super-speed… what was he supposed to do!?

Meanwhile, thousands of miles away… wait a second, is Gotham City supposed to be THAT far from Metropolis? Does this imply that one of them is on the West coast or something?

Anyway, Batman needs to be rescued by his son.

While Superman DID potentially have a point, Batman’s reply to his son is… basically “Shut up, I’m Batman”.

Uhm, Bruce Junior, if you want to be treated as an adult maybe don’t call your father “big daddy”.

 

So both Super-Sons are having trouble relating to their fathers (what else is new?). Naturally the best solution for it is to go to a special retreat.

The camp is led by Dr. Zamm, who doesn’t give aaaaaaany supervillain vibes.

Although I do appreciate that he treats both parents and sons like garbage.

“At Totally Normal Camp, you can enjoy such normal activities as staring at each other, sitting in a circle, holding up a woman in a bikini and slapping each other” is a weird sales pitch.

Also, touch each other as much as you like.

The next “exercise” is to scream as loud as you can.
Which of course means Superman, a.k.a. mister “always remember to keep your secret identity”, screams SO loud that he breaks a tree.

Okay so Junior DOES have super-speed. At least Superman’s warning to change into costume before rescuing the dog makes sense.

Batman’s exercise is to laugh. The only thing he finds funny is apparently making fun of his son.

Next up: dancing!

Come on Batman, stop pretending. We all know you can dance.

Sooooo… is anything going to happen here, other than showing off how lame these guys are?

I think Junior is right. You’re SUPERMAN, do you REALLY need to split up to search… checking my notes… ONE FOREST!?

And then ALL FOUR OF THEM are easily captured by the US military.
The world’s greatest heroes and their sons, everybody!!!

That’s because they need the heroes to help recovering a deadly nerve gas. And of course it makes perfect sense they’d kidnap them, it’s not like they could JUST ASK SUPERMAN TO HELP or anything.

Also let’s not focus on why exactly does the US military has a deadly nerve gas that could kill millions of people.

So this is now a story about catching a super-cyborg.
My first hunch was that Haney was inspired by The Six Million Dollar Man, but that started airing in 1978 [and turns out that I was right, despite making a really really dumb mistake… see the comments]

Look I don’t know how powerful this guy is… but unless he’s powered by Kryptonite, why is Batman necessary for this? Heck even if he DOES have Kryptonite, Superman deals with Metallo on a regular basis!

Meanwhile Dr. Zamm has deduced something about the Super-Sons. Shockingly, NOT their secret identities.

Sounds legit.

By switching sons, the heroes discover something new. Specifically, that their best buddy is constantly making fun of them.

For absolutely no reason at all, let’s point out the only other named character in the story. It’s not like anyone with half a brain will immediately figure out the twist.

So the Six Million Dollar Guy steals the nerve gas, except he only finds the decoy: this is a different and completely harmless gas.
I would give Batman props for this plan, but it came from the military.

Still, the cyborg is super-strong and this is a Bob Haney story, so naturally Batman gets beaten up.

Too bad Superman Junior can’t help him, because he’s busy with some very important stuff.

Well at least Batman Junior is there to… no wait, he’s playing inside the train.

Guys, guys, there’s no reason to fight. BOTH your sons suck.

“My son sucks, but not as much as my best friend’s son sucks!”. Riveting.

No, really, THAT’S SUPPOSED TO BE THE LESSON OF THE STORY.

The real identity of the cyborg turns out to be… well I’ll be damned, the only other named character in the entire story, who would’ve thought?

Also the villain of the story ends up killing himself, because EVERY HERO SUCKS IN THIS SERIES.

Heck THE VILLAIN was a better hero than you guys!!!

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Historical significance: 0/10
I’m sure the US military appreciates that the train transporting nerve gas is not public knowledge.

Silver Age-ness: 2/10
The weirdest part is that Dr. Zamm is NOT a supervillain.

 Does it stand the test of time? 0/10
Nobody comes out of this with their dignity intact. Not Superman and Batman who can’t talk to their sons, not the Super-Sons who are complete idiots, not Dr. Zamm who is a hack, not the US military who is botching TWO top secret projects, not the cyborg who doesn’t even know why he’s doing anything until the end, not Bob Haney who is still insane.
Well I guess the dog didn’t do anything wrong.

Did Superman really need Batman? They both need babysitters

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Interesting letters: World’s Finest #222 is praised for raising interesting topics. Which I guess is fair.

But it’s also called out for being ONE OF THE WORST THINGS EVER MADE.