Dark Avengers #1-4

Dark Avengers #1 (2009)
by Brian Michael Bendis & Mike Deodato Jr.

The vast majority of Bendis’ work on the main Avengers titles varied between forgettable and crap, but I think his Dark Avengers are by far among his best Marvel material.

I will only be focusing the parts that involve Doctor Doom, but to get everyone to speed, this will be the lineup of the Dark Avengers:

• Marvel Boy: I think everyone, including Bendis, forgets he’s supposed in the team after about two panels
• Sentry: I actually enjoyed how Bendis used him in the series, for once
• Ms. Marvel: this is actually Moonstone, which means she’s by default the best written member
• Iron Patriot: this is Norman Osborn wearing a slightly tackier Iron Man armor
• Ares: he fits this team MUCH better than the real Avengers, but he doesn’t do much
• Wolverine: this is Daken, a.k.a. Wolverine’s least interesting child
• Hawkeye: this is actually Bullseye
• Spider-Man: this is actually Scorpion wearing the Venom suit

The ACTUAL Ms. Marvel points out the lunacy behind the Dark Avengers. This is ironically what makes the team work for me: these people shouldn’t work as a team, AT ALL, and they keep f##king things up in entertaining ways. It’s not often that you get to team for and team against the same people at the same time!

The Doom connection is that Osborn, as promised, is returning Doom to Latveria.

Amusingly, one of the H.A.M.M.E.R. agents escorting him asks for a selfie! You can tell Doom is SERIOUSLY considering breaking his entire alliance with the Cabal.

Since this is a 2009 story, I always thought this was inspired by the first Iron Man movie.

Latveria sustained massive damage during Mighty Avengers #11, which probably helps make Doom even less sociable than usual.

And then he immediately starts fighting a mysterious figure.

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Dark Avengers #2 (2009)
by Brian Michael Bendis & Mike Deodato Jr.

This scene is nowhere to be found in the story.

We begin with a flashback to Latveria, when Victor Von Doom was just a kid. Assuming he’s 8 to 10 years old here, he’s supposed to be 45 to 47 years old? Then again, considering the time travel shenanigans, I’ve always thought that Doom himself doesn’t even know how old he is.

Morgana Le Fay has traveled here to murder him for betraying her. She DID threaten to do something like this, after all!

The only thing that saves Doom is that she WANTS him to know who killed him.
Also young Doom is a heavy sleeper considering she’s talking a lot here.

Back to the present day, Doom is trying to argue that there’s no point trying to take Latveria from him, considering it’s already been thrashed. Although Latveria didn’t seem to be in THAT bad shape last time.

One of the gimmicks Bendis uses this period is that sorcerers us an undecipherable language when they throw spells. As with most Bendis gimmicks it’s perfectly fine when used sparingly, but being Bendis he runs it into the ground.

I mean it’s SUPPOSED to sound epic, but this is just stupid: even Doom himself couldn’t make “Bavaloomni” sound epic.

Doom is NOT doing well against Morgana Le Fay.

And considering his only help can come from the Dark Avengers… I don’t envy him.

Still, that’s who he has to depend on.

Osborn orders Sentry not to hold back… which he interprets as RIPPING HER HEAD OFF.

As much as I typically can’t stand Bendis… I like this. It makes Sentry terrifying and I even enjoy this style of back-and-forth dialogue here because it makes sense that the Dark Avengers wouldn’t be taking the situation seriously at the moment.

AND THEN SENTRY EXPLODES.

I guess Osborn never read Simonson’s run on Thor, or he would’ve known this wouldn’t have worked.

Great job with your first mission, Dark Avengers!

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Dark Avengers #3 (2009)
by Brian Michael Bendis & Mike Deodato Jr.

I like the Deodato artwork, for the most part, but the cover seems a bit goofy to me.

After an unnecessarily lengthy flashback to how Osborn recruited Sentry (a bit late for that in issue #3!!!), Morgana Le Fay studies the past of the Dark Avengers… and she’s not exactly impressed.

H.A.M.M.E.R. offers to send reinforcements, but the Dark Avengers are having trouble dealing with the army of demons summoned by Morgana Le Fay.
I can’t believe I’m agreeing with Norman Freaking Osborn, but he’s right: what difference are reinforcements going to make!?

Especially since she effortlessly takes out Ares by turning him to stone.

And then Hawkeye/Bullseye kills her by shooting a bunch of arrows. Considering she just survived HER HEAD BEING CHOPPED OFF, only these morons could believe she’ll stay down.

During this, Doom is still napping. Your mileage may vary, but I continue to find it funny just how out of their elements these idiots are.

Just to sell how unprepared Osborn was: he asked for intelligence on Morgana Le Fay only AFTER they were on the battlefield!!!

As for why Doom hasn’t done anything so far: Morgana has done a real number on him.

The easiest solution would be to let Osborn access his time machine and deal with Morgana in her own time, but… yeah I can imagine why he doesn’t want THE FREAKING GREEN GOBLIN to have that kind of technology.

It takes some convincing, but eventually he does allow Osborn to access his armor. I have to imagine he’s only allowing a very restricted access, but I also wonder if it would’ve taken less convincing if this was Stark.

And so we end with Doom and Osborn reaching Morgana’s time for a direct attack.

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Dark Avengers #4 (2009)
by Brian Michael Bendis & Mike Deodato Jr.

Guys, guys, there’s no reason to fight. You’re both horrible people!
(also: this doesn’t happen in the story)

Even Morgana has already figured out that Doom is an afternoon away from betraying the Cabal.

Doctor Doom breaking up with her because she’s not up to his standards, as he was “projecting himself onto her”, is 100% in-character for Doom.

I’m not entirely sure about the logic behind Morgana’s idea that Doom can’t kill her due to time travel reasons. Perhaps Doom has already met with a future version of her?

Still, Doctor Doom is a master of both science and bulls##t magic.

Doom’s low tolerance for Osborn means he doesn’t go into the specifics for why he doesn’t kill her.

But where DID Doom send Morgan Le Fay? According to a caption, she’s in England 1 million years B.C… which I guess according to Bendis means there were dinosaurs in the UK only 1 million years ago.

When Doctor Doom himself tells you to tone down the supervillainy, you know you need help.

Doom has a point, though. The only reason why Osborn has this position is bad writing a convergence of advantages that is VERY easy to mess up.

They return to the present, and Doom is feeling generous enough to heal Ares. Maybe out of gratitude, but it’s more than likely to show off.
In case you’re worried, Sentry also later turns out to have survived without a scratch.

Osborn might have gotten lucky with the ending of Secret Invasion, sure, but the fact that Hawkeye/Bullseye survives this moment is nothing short of a miracle.

So the Dark Avengers leave, having restored Doom to his position and naturally not even getting a “thank you”.

Don’t feel bad for Latveria, because Doom uses the Time Cube™ to COMPLETELY RESTORE THE COUNTRY.

No biggie.

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Doom significance: 7/10
Restoring Doom to his status quo, which will be briefly interrupted. But it also gives more significance to his relationship with Morgana Le Fay.

Silver Age-ness: 2/10
Why is there a caption identifying that the dinosaur is in England? Other than the editor being asleep?

Does it stand the test of time? 8/10
I must remind you this is not a quality score, just an indication on how it holds up… and it’s not that bad in that regard. The only real complain I have is that several scenes really, REALLY drag on! Especially the Osborn ones that have nothing to do with Doom.
But having said that, Dark Reign is (ironically) one of the bright spots of the Bendis era. Yeah the Dark Avengers are a bunch of f##kups, but they’re entertaining!
Doom is also not bad. The fact that he has to accept help from Osborn really weighs on him (not that he would ever admit it), and he alternates between stoicism and disdain.
Morgana is a bit one-note, but it’s not like she’s ever been a complex character.

It was a Doombot all along
Not entirely impossible, since it’s been established that armors can be programmed to use spells, but extremely unlikely.

Crazy tech
There’s definitely magic involved, sure, but Doom explicitly uses the Time Cube™ to restore at the very least Castle Doom from rubble to full glory, and implicitly he also fixes Latveria with it.