Superman #58 (1949)
written by unknown
pencils by Wayne Boring
cover by Al Plastino
Despite the dumb cover story, this one is historically significant.
We begin with a recap of Superman’s origin. Notice this is one of those cases where his mother explicitly COULD have followed him to Earth (it doesn’t always show up).
The reason for the recap is that there’s an equivalent version happening on Earth, where a rocket scientist decided to make his base near an active volcano.
Obviously, if this just resulted in the kid growing up in America it wouldn’t be very interesting… except for a truly unique family history I suppose…
…but the rocket is blown off course SO MUCH that it lands on a planet beyond Pluto’s orbit!!!
Since planet Uuz has lower gravity than Earth, the kid develops super-strength…
…and due to the low levels of oxygen, everyone is so brain-damaged to think using glass to create buildings is a good idea.
And so the boy from Earth grows up to become the hero Regor.
We are not told what that name means.
For the longest time, most DC books were OBSESSED with the idea that in order to be a superhero you MUST have a bumbling secret identity.
Uuz’s gravity can’t be THAT lower than Earth’s, if all it takes to gain Regor levels of powers is some exercise!
But on the other hand, this is a planet where water guns were considered lethal, so who knows.
Now powerless against ice bullets (???), Regor flees back to his birth planet.
And here is why it’s a historically significant issue: it’s the first appearance of the Fortress Of Solitude.
Well… kind of. This is the first use of the term “Fortress of Solitude”, but Superman had a “Secret Citadel” in the outskirts of Metropolis as early as Superman #17 in 1942.
We don’t see anything too crazy in the Fortress Of Solitude, just some exercise equipment.
The idea being that if Regor gets stronger muscles on Earth, he’s going to be extra super on Uuz.
Superman then flies both back to Uuz, disguising himself as Regor.
Hilariously, since Regor can’t really fly, in order to imitate him Superman has to restrain himself to just jump really high… which was his original power anyway!
You have to love how this alien civilization at the other side of the solar system uses ticker tape.
As you might have guessed, the reason for the disguise is to help Regor save his secret identity.
How does that even work!? He’s not wearing any glasses!!!
Flowers are the most valuable thing on this planet (they’re very rare because the environment is too cold, in a nice bit of worldbuilding); still in disguise, Superman has to stop a robbery.
I’m convinced that Uuz was settled by aliens from a different planet, because in order to survive they need special heaters that the villains have just stolen.
Once the real Regor shows up, Superman can stop pretending he doesn’t have a million other powers and easily saves the day.
Now, if that was the whole story, it wouldn’t be TOO crazy for this period.
But then Superman decides he’s going to fix Uuz.
So he decides to CRASH TOGETHER ITS MOONS…
…along with some “meteors” (which I guess are asteroids), to BUILD A NEW STAR.
Let’s forget for a moment that asteroids and stars are not made of the same material.
Which is quite the detail to forget, I know but bear with me.
Assuming Superman is creating a star as big as the Sun, how many asteroids would he actually need to accomplish this?
Asteroids come in an absurdly large variety, but for now let’s consider the estimated total mass of the ENTIRE asteroid belt in Earth’s solar system.
Which is 3 x 1018 tons (meaning 3 million trillions of metric tons).
Since I took the entire asteroid belt, the two moons of Uuz are barely a rounding error. Since they’re quite small, I’m guessing they have a mass roughly equivalent to that of Phobos, the largest moon of Mars.
That’s about 10.6 trillion tons. Since there’s two, they only add 21.2 trillion tons to the total Superman has already gathered. That’s less than 0.001% of the asteroid mass.
You know what percentage of the Sun’s mass he’s reached with this stunt? 0.00000014%
To reach the mass of the Sun, Superman would have needed to gather 663 MILLION ASTEROID BELTS. And remember that Uuz is supposed to be in Earth’s solar system!!!!
Which ALSO means that our solar system has two Suns now!!!
This is the last time we see Regor and Uuz. In my headcanon, that’s because it eventually falls into the new Sun.
Historical significance: 1/10
The first Fortress Of Solitude. Prevented from having a higher score because basically nothing carries over to future incarnations.
Silver Age-ness: 30/10
Casual space travel! Aliens shooting each other with water! The bumbling secret identity being a universal law! Unnecessarily messing with celestial objects!
Does it stand the test of time? 0/10
The idea of a human growing up on an alien power where he’s comparatively superhuman would be a neat concept to explore.
Just not like this.
What else was in Superman #58 ?
That was only the third story in the issue.
They gave the cover story to Superman fighting “Tiny Trix”, a mobster who looks like a child.
The 40s and 50s believed that little people were the height of comedy.
Pun intended.
The second story is the beginning of Lois Lane’s degenerative brain disease.
If therapy really did work like this in 1949, how did anybody survive?
But yeah, the story is about Lois forcing herself to fall in love with Clark Kent.
It’s amazing how some of these stories can come SO close to give Lois a modern characterization, only to pivot away from it as hard as they can.
Hey, they ripped off that Lois Lane story for Lois Lane 39! Just how many of these did they copy?
Was some friend of the creative team named “Roger,” and they slipped in his name in reverse? “Roger Zuu,” perhaps :-).
Silver Age Superman might have learned a thing or two about making stars from R. J. Brande. I’m pretty sure asteroids aren’t on Brande’s list of ingredients.
Don’t forget: to be like Regor, you have to only eat bananas along with your 100 pushups, sit-ups, squats, and 10km run.