Dazzler #24 (1983)
by Danny Fingeroth & Frank Springer
These are most pathetic “also starring” balloons ever.
We begin with Rogue being understandably angry at the series for sidelining her last issue in favor of the exceedingly lame Flame, so she crashes into Dazzler’s apartment.
Dazzler isn’t even her primary target… she’s really after Angel. So even Dazzler’s decent villains are not interested in her.
After completely trashing her apartment she just decides to wait for Dazzler to come back.
Wouldn’t this get the attention of Dazzler’s neighbors?
I know there’s the stereotype of New Yorkers never giving a crap about other people, but come on.
Rogue… you’re one of the very few legitimate supervillains of this series… but nobody can sound threatening just because they’re crushing nuts.
Well at least not this kind of nuts.
See people, this is why you don’t trust stereotypes: Dazzler’s neighbors DID notice Rogue!
(also: RED hair with white streaks!? WTF!?)
This looks like a job for… someone else.
Luke Cage and Iron Fist burst into Dazzler’s apartment to fight Rogue. This should be interesting!
Okay, we have a fun dynamic at play. Rogue should be at least as strong as Luke, plus he has to be careful touching her or she’ll absorb his strength.
Iron Fist is the wildcard here, as his Iron Fist™ should PROBABLY be able to take Rogue down if he hits her just right.
So we just have to let the artist get loose showing some fancy martial arts against someone who can fly and… I’m just kidding, Iron Fist goes down immediately because he won’t fight girls.
So it’s up to Luke Cage to take down Rogue… and he immediately makes the mistake of touching her. I guess a punch is too brief for her to absorb his powers, but he punches her several times through this.
It’s hard to judge these things, but Rogue being stronger than Luke sounds right to me.
The whole point of Rogue staying in Dazzler’s apartment was to kidnap her… but the moment her target actually shows up, Rogue decides to leave.
Yeah I’m calling bulls##t on this one. If two superheroes weren’t able to stop her, would the police showing up really be a problem for Rogue?
At this point Dazzler knows dozens of superheroes AND she knows she’s in danger. But instead of calling the X-Men or the Avengers or the Fantastic Four or even the freaking police, she just goes on with her work. (WTF!?)
And it seems like she attracts only scumbags, because of course the best moment to ask her out is when she just told you she’s hiding from a crazy stalker.
She decides to stay at the apartment of her current boyfriend, the lawyer Red Moustache.
Dazzler… is this REALLY the best moment?
I’m this close to believing Red Moustache is about to be revealed to be a superhero.
Not to mention he’s basically the only supporting character in this series with a brain.
Compare and contrast with the other current Dazzler love interest, who is SUPPOSED to be a legitimate superhero: Angel.
Who after hiding for the entire duration of the previous story… he just rents a gym so that he can stretch his wings.
THAT’S EVERYTHING ANGEL DOES IN THIS ISSUE.
It’s quite clear at this point that this series has only one attitude towards Angel.
Meanwhile Dazzler decides to visit her half-sister at college, while continuing being stalked by Rogue.
She finds her passed out in her room, and completely ignores the possibility that she’s a mutant as well.
This is a comic books so of course Lois WILL turn out to be a mutant.
But then SUDDEN ROGUE!!!
Okay, we have a rematch now. Dazzler has known Rogue was coming after her for quite some time, so she might’ve come up with a plan.
Her lasers proved somewhat effective before, so if she takes her by surprise she might be able to blind her and then stun her with a laser blast.
This is going to involve a lot of skill and… just kidding, Dazzler immediately surrenders.
Remember the whole point of this entire storyline is that Rogue wants Dazzler to tell her how to find Angel. So when Dazzler doesn’t, she resorts to threatening her sister Lois.
Don’t make Dazzler angry. You wouldn’t like her when she’s angry.
To be fair, you wouldn’t like her normally.
Dazzler’s mutant power is the ability to transmute sound into light. But little known fact, she can also survive landing from the second floor. While wearing roller-skates AND high heels.
She also loses her radio, which at this point in the series is the source of most of her power, because Dazzler simply can’t do anything right.
I begrudgingly admit that having a sound-based hero have a fight in a library is a great idea.
I’ve said it before: any superhero showing up in this series turns into an idiot. Apparently this extends to people who aren’t heroes yet.
With the fight happening in a library, obviously the resolution comes from the record listening room.
Dazzler unplugs the earphones and cranks up the volume to… holy crap, what is a well-thought and well-executed creative panel doing in this series!?
Unsurprisingly, Rogue turns out to be a formidable fighter.
Yet another instance of Dazzler using her powers in public and SOMEHOW keeping them a secret.
Dazzler… you had one job: not to get touched. HOW ARE YOU SO BAD AT THIS!?
Despite this being her series, Dazzler has to be saved by other heroes AGAIN.
Turns out that Iron Fist has a code against punching women but not against kicking them.
Now that Rogue is not into full rage mode, Dazzler can talk to her… to reveal that the entire reason behind all this nonsense was futile: the X-Men were considered dead at the time.
Rogue still has Dazzler’s powers, so she manages to escape. Because we can’t possibly have the heroes do anything right in this series.
So… this has been ENTIRELY POINTLESS.
If Dazzler knew the X-Men are supposed to be dead, couldn’t she tell Rogue earlier!? I guess she wouldn’t have believed her until she absorbed her memories by touching her… but that is even more pathetic, because it means Dazzler can only win if she loses!!!
Dazzler significance: 0/10
The fact that Rogue once tried to hurt Dazzler and her friends will be mentioned when they both join the X-Men, but… this has as much consequence as Rogue’s love for walnuts.
Silver Age-ness: 0/10
Does it stand the test of time? 0/10
