JIMMY OLSEN 101 (1967)
by Robert Bernstein & Pete Costanza
Cover by Curt Swan
Last time Jimmy went back to Krypton he ended up spanking Superman, so be afraid.
We begin with Jimmy being brought to the Fortress of Solitude by one of Superman’s drones. Wait, what?
Jimmy is here to document Kandor observing a moment of silence to honor the destruction of Krypton. I’m not gonna lie, this is actually kind of cool!
Having a guy on a flying horse blow up a replica of Krypton… not so much.
Also Superman, Supergirl and even Krypto visit the planet they turned into a copy of Krypton.
As we’ve seen before the planet is also full of android copies of the original Kryptonians. The reason why is to provide an extremely weird message to Earth.
This gives Jimmy one of his worst ideas ever.
Oh crap. This is Lois Lane #59 all over again!!!
Ah yes, the perfect movie for a date: witnessing the destruction of an entire civilization.
The fact that saving Krypton completely erases Superman from history is utterly lost on Jimmy, as it happened to Lois. But SOMEONE immediately picks up the implications: the Phantom Zone criminals!
Instead of going to Professor Potter, Jimmy simply repairs a “time machine gadget” that Superman gave him (WHY!?), thanks to the criminals.
Jimmy finds himself back in time on Krypton, where he tries to prevent Brainiac from stealing Kandor. He fails.
Jimmy jumps a little further in time and pretends to have amnesia. That’s when he’s declared a scientific genius, just in case you were wondering if the Kryptonian were always doomed to extinction.
Jimmy is hired as an assistant to a local scientist. He falls for his daughter, Discount Gwen Stacy.
Discount Gwen Stacy shows Jimmy how advanced Krypton was, including a visit to their underwater farms.
She even takes him hunting. (!!!)
She’s not a killer, though: Kryptonians hunt with freeze rays.
Discount Gwen Stacy must not die!
Jimmy has studied Krypton’s history so much that he remembers a specific monorail accident!
What I get from this is that Jimmy Olsen is really bad at saving people.
He could simply tell Discount Gwen Stacy that he’s from the future, but for some reason he believes that being psychic is more believable.
Jimmy then goes to talk to Jor-El, falling victim to his robot army and their Bondage Guns.
Oddly enough, Jor-El remembers meeting Superman in a story from 1960.
If you want to convince a guy that you’re a good person, maybe don’t harass his son!!!
Jor-El kicking Jimmy out of his house is worth every penny.
Okay, so get this: Jimmy desperately wants the Kryptonians believe that he’s from the future, and he has an encyclopedic knowledge of their future. So, how does he plan to impress them?
Well, it turns out Discount Gwen Stacy has been cultivating hybrid plants.
That’s right: Kryptonians are supremely impressed by SMOKING AND ALPHABETS.
All of this so that he could demonstrate how to use his time machine! THAT STILL WORKS!!!
Not only that: sending the councilman to the past ends up KILLING HIM.
Fortunately for Jimmy, Discount Gwen Stacy is able to convince her father to help.
Jimmy Olsen has memorized the Elastic Lad serum’s formula. WTF!?
All of this was according to the plans of the Phantom Zone criminals, who want Jimmy to rescue them.
Well congratulations, Jimmy. Now two evil Kryptonians are going to survive.
Turns out the councilman wasn’t dead in the first place, but at least he still has the time machine.
So… does it mean that Jimmy gets to save Discount Gwen Stacy after all!?
Of course not. In case you haven’t noticed, Jimmy Olsen fails at everything!
Jimmy gets back home. And it turns out that the criminals weren’t able to escape because Krypton’s explosion randomly sent them back to the Phantom Zone. (WTF!?)
Maybe the lesson here isn’t “history can’t be changed” but “Jimmy Olsen sucks at everything”.
Historical significance: 0/10
Just guess how many times Jimmy will mourn the death of Discount Gwen Stacy.
Silver Age-ness: ∞/10
What is it with issue 101!? Superboy #101 was the first to reach this level, followed by Lois Lane #59 which had the same beginning of this story.
We have Jimmy not realizing that preventing Krypton from exploding erases Superman, PLUS the Phantom Zone criminals hijacking his plan, PLUS Jimmy unable to convince the Kryptonians until he teaches them how to smoke! How much more Silver Age can you get!?
Does it stand the test of time? 0/10
No amount of smoking anything can help this comic.
Stupid Jimmy Olsen moment
Oh boy. Preventing Krypton’s explosion? Not using the time machine to demonstrate that he’s a time traveler? Taking his girlfriend to see a movie about mass extinction? All valid moments, but I’m going with molesting Jor-El’s son.
Time travel doesn’t work that way
Considering time can’t be changed, this story is incompatible with Jimmy Olsen #36.
In that story Jimmy meets Jor-El and is hired as Kal-El’s nanny. If the Jor-El in this issue doesn’t recognize Jimmy because this is set before issue 36… then in issue 36 he SHOULD have recognized him because they had already met!
ALSO: how is he able to free the Phantom Zone criminals in the past!? They give him the plans in the present, so when he meets them in the past they should have absolutely no idea about who he is, but instead they act like they’re exactly the same ones!!!
Interesting letters: told you he’s The Worst.
Also: hello comic book historian and Groo the Wanderer co-creator Mark Evanier!
