JIMMY OLSEN 62 (1962)
“Superman’s Phantom Pal!” by Leo Dorfman & Curt Swan
“Jimmy’s Robot Slave!” by Robert Bernstein & Curt Swan
Am I the only one who finds the cover a little disturbing? I mean if Jimmy’s head has disappeared, from Superman’s perspective it should be horrifying.
We begin with Jimmy Olsen checking his Superman Souvenir Collection for the 100th time.
Since the “trophy room” is full of dangerous stuff from all over the universe, it’s perfectly safe to sniff the contents of a random bottle.
Luckily it’s not the Pinocchio serum, just the Elastic Lad one. Again.
Normally Jimmy has to drink it, but apparently just sniffing it is enough to give him superpowers for 24 hours. And Perry White finds a way to turn this into profit.
Or at least that’s the idea. I’m not sure how “a day in the life of Elastic Lad” is front page news; I wouldn’t be surprised if the Daily Planet lost money on this stunt.
Especially since Jimmy’s idea to show Elastic Lad doing something exciting is to play some football with the Jimmy Olsen Fan Club and unwillingly get himself flattened.
As you might imagine, the Jimmy Olsen Fan Club accepts only the brightest.
At least Elastic Lad ends up fighting a gang of “circus knife-throwers”, which is even lamer than it sounds.
It’s thanks to feats like these that Elastic Lad will eventually be proclaimed honorary member of the Legion of Super-Heroes. Not because of Superman, no sir.
Although Elastic Lad’s powers could have potentially useful applications, if Lucy’s facial expression is to be believed.
(also: eww! Couldn’t he AT LEAST have licked his girlfriend’s ice cream, instead of her sister’s!?)
But it’s actually thanks to Elastic Lad’s last heroic feat that he comes across a weird hole in the sky.
As if you couldn’t tell by the cover, this is a portal into the Phantom Zone.
Jimmy could have a point in investigating the Phantom Zone… if there was ANYTHING in the Phantom Zone.
No, what Jimmy means is that he intends to spy on his boss.
(also: hello 1960s sexism, you’re always there when I don’t want you!)
Or maybe she’s morbidly fascinated by the dumpster fire that is your series, Jimmy. I can certainly relate.
Obviously for a story involving the Phantom Zone, we just can’t ignore the Kryptonian criminals who live there.
That’s an interesting lineup. Jax-Ur was fully expected, since he was THE Phantom Zone criminal of the 60s. Vakox also has several appearances, both against Superman and Superboy; he’s probably less known since unlike Jax-Ur he’s not typically used in other continuities.
Xadu is so obscure that I had to look him up; he has about a dozen Silver Age appearances.
I find it very interesting that nowadays we think of General Zod when we thing about the Phantom Zone criminals, but he wasn’t a major player in the Silver Age proper… just one among others.
Speaking of familiar faces: Mon-El also makes a very rare 20th century non-Legion appearance!
If we go in chronological order, this is the first time Jimmy and Mon-El meet.
Since the Phantom Zone Criminals can’t do anything to Jimmy because… well, they’re phantoms… they decide to screw with Superman and reveal his secret identity!
Jimmy then leaves the Phantom Zone by stretching through the portal again, and he writes a story about his latest Elastic Lad adventure.
Before Superman has the chance to murder him, however, we find out that Jimmy has SOME redeeming qualities.
Sure Lois, sure, you would NEVER reveal Superman’s identity. Of course.
While we’re at it, I still haven’t sold my Metropolis bridge, so let me know if you’re interested.
Well that was at least a semi-coherent story. Not a masterpiece by any means, but passable.
Where’s our regular dose of stupid?
Aah, here it is.
We begin with Jimmy being broke because he took Lucy to a fancy restaurant.
Naturally this is the best use for the robot that Jimmy received as a gift last issue.
We are shown the robot’s remote control in one of the funniest Silver Age panels.
THIS IS AMAZING. There are sooooo many points of note here!!! In order of insanity:
1) The button “Ignore Lucy”. This is apparently SUCH an important command that it has a dedicated button!
2) The button “Act like a Bizarro”. When would Jimmy need that!?
3) The button “Imitate Clark Kent’s voice”. Remember that Superman gave the robot to Jimmy, so this isn’t suspicious AT ALL!
Also, you might think that the TV set shows whatever the robot is watching… but no, SOMEHOW it shows the robot itself (from what camera!?)
Jimmy uses the robot to get some pictures of “Hindu yoki Krishnatal” (the comic’s words, not mine) in suspended animation on the bottom of the lake.
And guess what? This has nothing to do with the rest of the story!
Perry White is so impressed by this that he invites the robot to lunch.
Obviously this is going to lead to shenanigans. At first I thought it would be about the robot being unable to eat since… you know, robot… but no, it’s FAR crazier than that.
See, while they’re out to lunch, some gangsters try to murder Perry…
…but the bullets ricochet against the robot’s chest…
…and the robot eats them by pretending they’re olives.
And we’re not even done! Because later Lucy drops by Jimmy’s apartment, and since he doesn’t want her to see him “like this” (???) he hides in the closet and lets her hang out with the robot!
The robot has a “dance” button, and I would call bulls#it because we didn’t see it…
…but this is the same comic that allows a robot to dance the twist because of a lightning bolt, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
But then Lucy is scared by something slipping out of the robot’s pants.
This is apparently the last straw for her. Note that her FIRST thought when seeing the snake is that it’s a mean prank from her boyfriend, and I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t sound like a plausible Jimmy move.
There IS an explanation for the snake, though. It’s a stupid one, but it’s there.
We also learn the reason for the “Imitate Clark Kent’s voice” button: stealing his job!
The robot investigates the tip, and we find out that THE ROBOT CAN THINK FOR ITSELF!?
This is horrible! You might think that these are actually Jimmy’s thought, but the next panel makes it abundantly clear that this isn’t the case!
Jimmy blames the robot for ruining his cover, but the robot points out that Jimmy is a hopeless fuc#up.
I like this robot.
After taking this abuse, you might think that the following scene happens because the robot is taking his revenge over his “master”.
But no, Jimmy is perfectly capable of ruining his life by himself.
You’re the worst, Jimmy. Just. The worst.
And OF COURSE Jimmy doesn’t take any responsibility, blaming everything on the robot.
When the robot apocalypse happens, I’ll be on Robot Jimmy’s side.
Historical significance: 0/10
This is technically the first meeting between Mon-El and Jimmy, but nothing comes from this.
Silver Age-ness
First story: 7/10
Second story: 5/10
The randomly appearing portal to the Phantom Zone is the only part above the average Silver Age of this period, and not by much.
Does it stand the test of time?
First story: 5/10
Surprisingly bearable. Elastic Lad’s scenes aren’t terribly interesting but there’s nothing inherently wrong with them, and his interaction with the Phantom Zone criminals makes sense. Jimmy’s stalking hasn’t aged well, but he redeems himself slightly at the end.
Second story: 2/10
You would think “Jimmy gets a robot” would be useful for some funny scenes, but this is rather boring. Also Jimmy comes off even worse than usual, and that’s saying something!
Stupid Jimmy Olsen moment
First story: sure let’s sniff this random bottle I found on the shelf full of alien and magical stuff, what could possibly go wrong?
Second story: so many choices! But I’m going with having the robot take over the date. It’s not like Jimmy was hiding some kind of horrible secret: Lucy already knows he’s Jimmy Olsen.