LOIS LANE #97 (1969)
by unknown & Irv Novick
Cover by Curt Swan
This is the last Lois Lane issue of the 60s. The fact that I couldn’t find a definitive proof of who wrote it is not a good sign.
We begin with Lois Lane and Clark Kent being sent by the Planet to investigate a fish this big.
And they immediately find it.
Wow that was a short mystery!
Historical significance: 0/10
Weirdly enough we never find out anything about the sea monster.
Silver Age-ness: 10/10
Where did that monster even come from!?
Does it stand the test of time? 1/10
Well at least I can appreciate the honesty to have a payoff that almost makes sense, for once.
Just kidding! If only the comic could be over that quickly…
But no, Clark gets away to change into Superman, and once he gets back the monster has disappeared as well.
The monster was sent away by perennial side-chick Lori Lemaris, who is uncharacteristically horny for Superman.
But wait, isn’t Lori married?
This is serious business! Superman is distraught by the idea of the husband of the woman he loved being dead, so he immediately begins his investigations into…
Be honest, you didn’t believe me for a second, right?
Seriously, how does a guy who can FLY FASTER THAN TIME keep losing track of people!?
Then, and I’m swear I’m not kidding, we completely abandon the scene to jump to Lois interviewing a random scientist about growing rocks!
The growing rock turns out to be sentient and about to capture Lois, but “it’s a good thing” that Superman is constantly stalking her.
Superman then defeats the Crystal Thing (not a bad name, all things considered) by burying it into a prison made of diamond. (!!!)
Then OUT OF FREAKING NOWHERE comes the reason why I reviewed Superman #141.
It’s a surprisingly accurate flashback, but then again it was a very famous issue.
You know the formula at this point.
Superman quickly figures out that that couldn’t possibly be the real Lyla, but the situation is so serious that he scans the entire planet with his super-senses in order to find…
Just kidding! We jump to a date with Lois without acknowledging what just happened!
I swear this comic can’t stand still for more than two pages.
Case in point: the L.L. from Action Comics #289 shows up!!!
You remember Action Comics #289, right? The one with one of the most hilarious panels of the Silver Age?
Let me remind you that Superman fell for this L.L. (sorry but I’m not bothering trying to remember her name) SPECIFICALLY because she looked like a grown-up version of his 15 year old cousin.
So of course:
WHY DIDN’T YOU DO THIS THE FIRST TIME!?
And now, ladies and gentlemen, let’s go back to my favorite game: “Guess the stupid twist!”.Who exactly ARE the “three super-sirens” ?
A. They’re actually robots
B. They’re actually imperfect Bizarros
C. They’re shapeshifting aliens
D. They’re his admirers from Kandor
E. They’re Legionnaires pulling a prank
Can you guess?
And the answer is…
Yep.
Not just any aliens, though! They’re from the same species of the Legion’s Chameleon Boy.
Step 1: make Superman hallucinate his loved ones
Step 2: ???
Step 3: world domination
When 1969 Lois Lane is pointing out the weak points of your plot, you know you’ve f#cked up.
Okay, to be fair, I was only joking earlier. The actual plan is this:
Step 1: make Superman hallucinate his loved ones
Step 2: hypnotize him to leave the planet (which kind of makes step 1 redundant)
Step 3: ???
Lois convinces him to stay by jumping to her death. AGAIN.
HOW DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING!?
(I just can’t get enough of that panel. I have a problem, I know.)
At this point the other Durlans arrive to take the girls prisoner, and we find out that their motivation is that… they are completely insane.
To be fair, that puts them in the exact same spot of 70% of Silver Age characters at DC.
Make that 99% in the Superman books.
Historical significance: 0/10
Always a treat for me to see people from Durla in the 20th century, but probably for nobody else.
Silver Age-ness: 8/10
You ALMOST got it, comic, with the shapeshifting aliens… but you just HAD to throw super-alien-hypnosis in there, didn’t you?
Also how the f#ck did the aliens know about the L.L. that Superman met ONCE in another system and the one who died decades ago on Krypton!? Unless Superman talked in an interview about the times he hooked up with hot alien blonds, how… wait, he’s The Worst, so that has to be it.
Does it stand the test of time? 0/10
The idea of exploring Superman’s past loves is completely wasted, the shapeshifting villains is completely wasted, them being insane is completely wasted… starting to see a pattern here?
Also, I’m not entirely sold on the fact that Superman was actually hypnotized into leaving the planet. I’m not putting past him to just leave with three hot women just because.
Stupid Lois Lane moment
The aliens say that Superman was hypnotized into not looking for the real Lori Lemaris. That’s actually kind of clever. But I’m pretty sure LOIS knows how to contact her, so…
Interesting letters: you mean to tell me that *choke* Robert Kanigher had no clue whatsoever about karate? I’m shocked, shocked I tell you!
