LOIS LANE #5 (1958)
By Otto Binder & Kurt Shaffenberger
“The Fattest Girl in Metropolis”.
I’m sure this aged GREATLY.
Seriously, Superman is a dick even in the usual first page summary.
We start with Lois being the only witness of a crime.
Nice panels: it’s a pity that Shaffenberger’s pencils were often wasted on garbage plots (like this issue), because he was a really talented artist.
Look at Clark’s smug face when he finds out he lost the scoop to Lois. That’s a face that says “I’m going to do something terrible as soon as I can”.
Then she writes an article about a scientist whose invention could POTENTIALLY CURE WORLD HUNGER.
And NOBODY MENTIONS THIS LATER. At all.
I mean, it’s not it’s like a big deal of anything. The important thing is that the ray made Lois fat!
Get it? She’s fat!
I mean, the comic REALLY wants you to get that she’s FAT:
She’s so fat she breaks a car when she gets inside!
(WTF!?)
She’s so fat that even Superman makes fun of her!
(seriously, WTF!?!?)
Get it? She’s so fat, all the fat jokes at her expense are making me sick.
We get ONE thing useful for the story in these awful panels: her bracelet has a warning device that clicks when there’s kryptonite nearby.
Which is a neat idea buried at the bottom of three pages of fat jokes.
Then Lois has to be the bridesmaid at a wedding attended by Superman:
Which is where the bracelet becomes important to save Superman’s life:
Now that’s taken care of, let’s go back to the “Lois is fat” scenes.
Great. Because we haven’t had enough of those.
What do you mean with “this one makes me look like the tall man”? The reflection CLEARLY shows a woman.
But she also gets near a mirror that makes her look like her slender self again, which of course leads to the killer from the first page (remember those where they weren’t constantly making fun of her?) to recognize her.
Superman saves her, as usual.
Oh you had a plan, Superman? You mean one of the stupidest plans you’ve ever had, right?
Yes, it was DEFINITELY needed to keep her safe.
Not as a petty revenge for getting the scoop.
I mean, THIS is the face he made before his plan started.
Don’t try to convince me you’re innocent in this, Supes.
But we need a last page. Did we get a “fat people eat a lot” panel yet?
Historical significance: 0/10
This story is more infamous than famous.
A pity the idea of the kryptonite-detecting bracelet wasn’t used in a better story.
Silver Age-ness: 5/10
Nothing out of the ordinary for this period, including forgetting the device that potentially solves world hunger.
Does it stand the test of time? 0/10
AAAARGGHH
Stupid Lois Lane moment
This might be one of the very few Lois Lane stories of this period WITHOUT one of those. Or maybe Superman is so horrible that I missed one.
Isn’t she supposed to be a journalist?
This is ALSO avoided: I was genuinely surprised she didn’t accept the offer to be the fat lady at the freakshow.
That should be a crime
This entire issue should be a crime!!!
Even this early it’s clear from the letter’s page that readers considered Lois a despicable person, but HOLY CRAP is Superman a dick in this issue!!!
