Considering her luck in showbusiness, I guess these are the only awards that Dazzler could possibly win. Although I’m not sure she’d want most of them.
Remember that there will be a couple of post-mortem reviews following what happened to minor characters after the end of the series, so we’re not QUITE done with Dazzler.
Historical significance: 1/10
And that’s being very, VERY generous.
Silver Age-ness: 8/10
There are some parts that lower the score, but for the most part this series is BONKERS.
Does it stand the test of time? 4/10
The absurd campiness of the earliest issues makes them worth a read in a “so bad it’s good” way, and the final four issues by Archie Goodwin are genuinely good stories.
Everything else? An absolute slog to get through.
And now, ladies and gentlemen: the Dazzler Awards!!!
BEST HERO
Winner: Black Bolt
Talk about a dark horse! But he shows up, fixes the problem, and leaves without the slightest care of being acknowledged!!! 
Runner-up: She-Hulk
She shows up ONCE (besides cameos) and she has more personality than Dazzler shows in 42 issues.
Third place: Blue Shield
The first in a long, LONG list of characters who get more screen time than the protagonist. 
Honorable mention: Beast
He doesn’t do anything impressive in the series proper, and he’s hit and miss in the “Beauty and the Beast” miniseries, but considering the competition…
WORST HERO
Winner: Angel
Yep, he even beats up Dazzler in this category! She’s arguably worse at being a hero, but the difference is that she’s not supposed to be one while Angel is a veteran X-Man!!!
Runner-up: Dazzler
That’s right. She couldn’t even win THIS one. But that’s for a positive reason: in the Goodwin run, she’s not bad at all!
Third place: Wolverine
He is just insufferable towards Dazzler, just when she becomes a good character and a competent hero.
Dishonorable mention: Spider-Woman, Luke Cage and Power Fist
Spider-Woman is a professional private investigator, and the two guys are professional superheroes. All of them get upstaged by Dazzler!!!
BEST SONG
Winner: “Untitled Asgard Song”, by The Dazzler
We don’t know a single lyric, but this was SO good it won a contest with the Enchantress and according to Odin it’s the best song ever.
Runner-up: “A little girl’s dream”, by The Dazzler
This is the only song explicitly written by Dazzler for which we know the lyrics, and it’s good enough to reconcile her with her mother.
Third place: “Blue suede shoes (cover)”, by The Dazzler
This is apparently such a great cover that she immediately lands an audition by singing a single line.
WORST SONG
Winner: “Burger Clown commercial” by Random Extras ft. Alison Blaire
Runner-up: “Because the night (cover)”, by The Dazzler
Third place: “I’ve got you under my skin (cover)”, by Spider-Woman
BEST LOVE INTEREST: Kenneth Barnett
We salute you, Red Moustache.
WORST LOVE INTEREST: Roman Nekoboh
WORST AGED CHARACTER: Roman Nekoboh
WORST HUMAN BEING: Roman Nekoboh
WORST SUPPORTING CHARACTER
WHO IS NOT ROMAN NEKOBOH: Lancelot Steele
BEST SUPPORTING CHARACTER: Lois London
WORST SISTER: Alison Blaire
MOST FANSERVICE CHARACTER: Dazzler
WORST FANSERVICE CHARACTER: Roman Nekoboh
BEST VILLAIN
Winner: Dust and Silence
These guys are completely wasted here.
Runner-up: Deathgrip
His costume needs work, sure. But he would’ve made a GREAT recurring villain for any X-Men title: a guy with a suit that disrupts the brains of mutants AND is slightly sympathetic because his motivation is getting revenge for his daughter!
Third place: Rogue
Her stint as a supervillain was brief, but she was AWESOME.
Honorable mention: The Enforcers
In any of their Spider-Man stories, I have never found them scary or dangerous. Ever. Their brief appearance in THIS series, however, has made me reconsider them as good villains.
WORST VILLAIN
Winners: the Racine Ramjets from Dazzler #35
Yes they 100% count as villains, being the only antagonists of that idiotic story.
Runner-up: The Flame from Dazzler #23
Do you even remember this guy without looking up?
Third place: the Super-Tank from Dazzler #5
Dishonorable mention: Revenge Incorporated
Neat idea. Nothing is done with it.
BEST STORY
Winner: the Goodwin run, Dazzler #38 to #42
I’m grouping all of these together because otherwise they would utterly dominate this entire category. They are ENTIRELY on a whole different weight class!
Too little too late perhaps, but what a swan song.
Runner-up: Dazzler #25
Basically the only story who tries to do SOMETHING with Dazzler being in showbusiness other than an excuse for silly shenanigans.
Third place: Beauty and the Beast #1-4
It’s quite meandering, sure, but you have no idea how refreshing it is to see a Dazzler story that actually wants to tell SOMETHING. Even if it doesn’t entirely work.
Honorable mention: Dazzler #36
It’s just okay. But that’s high praise with this series.
WORST STORY
Winner: Dazzler: The Movie
What an awful, AWFUL story. Shame on you, Jim Shooter!!!
Runner-up: Dazzler #35
The villains of the story are a thinly-veiled stereotype of lesbians, and it features a singing group named “Jan Jackson and the Steel Tuna”.
Third place: Dazzler #31
Do you even remember the love interest who shows up in this issue, and nowhere else?
Dishonorable mention: Dazzler #37
At least it’s not boring, but it has one of the most nonsensical plots of this series. WHICH IS SAYING SOMETHING.
BEST TECHNOBABBLE
Shooting sound inside a black hole so that Dazzler can generate enough light to escape said black hole. Somewhere, a physicist is crying.
MOST SILVER AGE PANEL
MOST MEME-WORTHY PANEL
BEST REACTION SHOT
Beast and the Thing reacting to a Dazzler original song.
WORST REACTION SHOT
A totally normal reaction to watching a Dazzler concert.
WORST ATTEMPT AT A RUNNING GAG
Dazzler’s fat drummer likes to eat because he’s fat.
BEST PICTURE
(90% of the reason these awards exist was to make this dumb joke)
WORST PICTURE
BEST PANEL
The moment when the perennially ineffectual bimbo with barely two brain cells realizes she’s the only one who can take on the eldritch abomination that is Dust and finally becomes a hero.
One issue before the series is canceled.
WORST PANEL
Not because of the artwork, it’s fine. Not even for the specific dialogue. It’s for the scenario it represents, which still makes me want to throw up.
MOST HIP-BREAKING PANEL
MOST DRASTIC BREAST REDUCTION: Alison Blaire
Contrast Dazzler #16 to Dazzler #38 and tell me she didn’t get surgery on the dazzlers.
BEST SPLASH PAGE
There are surprisingly few splash pages in the series. And I’m hardly impartial when it comes to the awesomeness of Doctor Doom.
MOST FANSERVICE PANEL
LEAST FANSERVICE PANEL
BEST COVER
WORST COVER
And finally, the total score of the various counts.
Superhero fans: 31
Some of them aren’t heroes, but there are some absurd names here that I couldn’t possibly avoid counting. We’re talking about, in the order they were added to the count… *deep breath*…
Cyclops, the Human Torch, Beast, Thing, Kitty Pride, Nightcrawler, Angel, Colossus, Wolverine, Storm, Captain America, Wasp, Hawkeye, Iron Man, Blue Shield, Spider Woman, Volstagg, Odin, Mister Fantastic, the Invisible Girl, She-Hulk, Thor, Daredevil, Luke Cage, Iron Fist, Wonder Man, Spider-Man, Rogue, Hellcat, Valkyrie, and the Beyonder.
Super love interests: 7
The Human Torch, Paladin, Quasar, Galactus, Angel, Beast, and the Beyonder.
GO FOR IT!: 17
Dazzler’s catchphrase was last used in Dazzler #27. There are only two issues when it’s used twice, Dazzler #5 and Dazzler #14, otherwise it’s only used once per issue at most.
Obligatory underwear shot: 43
I didn’t plan for it, but it’s hilarious that this counter goes above the total number of regular issues!!
The issues with the highest number of shots are Dazzler #13 and, unsurprisingly, Dazzler: The Movie, both with 6 shots each.
The fat drummer thing just angers me. I’m no musician, but drummer is clearly a rock band’s most physically demanding role. Strong cardio and lots of endurance would be a must. Drummer eating constantly, I can believe. Fat, not so much.
Anyways, thanks for torturing yourself with all these terrible stories. Can’t wait for the next one. 🙂
“He is just insufferable towards Dazzler”
And you’re not? And why are you so mad that a fat guy got with a hot girl? You should be happy about it
My problem with Roman is not that he’s fat. It’s that he’s a liar, he harasses Dazzler several times before she gives up, and he reveals she’s a mutant withou her consent.
Nice awards. In general, I find that I was probably more forgiving of the series than yourself, but I also went in with low expectations and only read it as an adult when the cheeziness was more entertaining. But its really interesting to hear your different perspective on it.
Like everyone, I feel there was the germ of a good idea in there, a superpowered character that doesnt want to be a hero or villain, and could have worked with more tellanovella style. But back in the 80s, we needed a bit of action (modern comics seem to think sitting around and eating and talking is enough.)
My favourite issue is probably 25, the stalker issue, because it used Dazzler to tell a different type of story than other heroes.
Thanks for all your efforts.