L.E.G.I.O.N. Annual #5 (1994)
by Tom Peyer & Curt Swan
cover by Mike McKone
The 1994 Annuals were required to be Elseworld stories. We’ve already seen that the Legion Annual completely botched the assignment, but since we’ve just checked on L.E.G.I.O.N… let’s see what a creative team that is having fun with the premise works on it.
We begin with the members of L.E.G.I.O.N. at a game show, in a page that doesn’t remind me of any historically important cover.
Brainiac 2 wins the contest, obviously.
Tom Peyer is *choke* really nailing the tone of the early Silver Age with the dialogue!
But evil scientist Sciento launches his attack, targeting Silent Girl.
This immediately backfires, but *gasp* it might be too late!
Don’t worry, Silent Girl is fine. If comics from the 50s have taught me anything, girls sometimes faint for no reason.
What’s worse than attaching rockets to your shorts?
Why, attaching rockets to your skirt, of course!
Easiest answer EVER to the question “why don’t the bad guys ever find the hero’s secret base”.
I’m a bit disappointed that Comet Boy’s power isn’t described as “SUPER Future Brain”.
Even in THIS reality, poor Mon-El doesn’t get a proper codename.
Come on, not even a “Valor Lad” or something?
There’s absolutely nothing shady about this paramilitary organization that operates for financial gain, hides itself from the public, and has mandatory mind reading.
Just a wholesome superhero team.
Brainiac 2 finds Silent Girl, who is just about to sound herself to death.
Wait, what?
Will Brainiac 2 be able to stop her without being involved in a romantic plot?
Nope.
It’s *gasp* too shocking for the Silver Age!
Yeah that’s the reaction I expected.
The team splits up, with the girls looking for a way to resurrect Brainiac 2….
…and the boys prepare a memorial just in case they fail.
Great help to the mission, boys!
Silent Girl has isolated herself in a prison that blocks her already useless power.
Good thing that if you mate with someone to death without meaning it, it’s no crime at all.
And so the L.E.G.I.O.N.naires resurrect Brainiac 2 without homaging any particular scene and without suffering any consequence.
Sounds legit.
Brainiac 2’s powers to read the script provide some closure…
…and they all lived happily ever after or something.
Does any of this show up in any regular continuity?
SHOULD any of this have happened in regular continuity?
Well… Stealth DOES rape Vril Dox II and give birth to his child in the main continuity.
But while I wouldn’t wish on anyone to marry that guy, at least we can hope that in this continuity it’s an easier birth.
As a reminder, Stealth turned into THIS to give birth:
No wonder the credits were talking about retelling the most disgusting event in L.E.G.I.O.N. history!
Silver Age-ness: 10/10 
Does it stand the test of time? 10/10
This is of course far from the only homage to the silliest part of the Silver Age we’ve seen in Legion stories of this era. However I find this a superior example, and not just because they had Curt Swan doing the artwork (although that certainly helped!).
But also because, in my opinion, the Keith Giffen and Bierbaum sendoffs relied too heavily on mocking those parts, whereas I got the feeling Peyer’s mockery is coming from a loving fan.
Although your mileage may certainly vary on which parody hits better.
We are L.E.G.I.O.N.
9 active L.E.G.IO.N.naires:
-Brainiac 2
-Telepathy Lad
-Silent Girl
-Ghost Girl
-Comet Boy
-Crystal Queen
-Lobo Lad
-Lass Quark
-Lar Gand
There were other Elseworld stories in the book, including the cover one: “The Spy Who Fragged Me”, which has Lobo taking James Bond’s role.
But we also had the beach-themed L.E.G.I.O.N. 90210, the gothic “L.E.G.I.O.N. by gaslight”…
…and a few one-page pinups: “L.E.G.I.O.N. The Barbarian”, S.A.N.D.M.A.N…
…“L.E.G.I.O.N. of the Dark Knight”, “The sound of L.E.G.I.O.N.”, “The Newsboy L.E.G.I.O.N.”…
…a spoof of a legendary Green Lantern/Green Arrow story…
…and of course, the biggest reason this Annual is legendary.
“WomanMan”
by Tom Peyer & Dick Sprang
This is the origin story of a new hero, created by the tragic loss of his parents.
Well, one of his parents died before he was retconned into being the clone of Brainiac 1 instead of the biological son he had with an unnamed Coluan woman.
But what could possibly inspire his new identity?
Honestly? Far more believable than a bat crashing a giant window.
And that day, a legend was born…
…the legend of WomanMan and her sidekick, Girl the Boy Wonder.
Does any of this show up in any regular continuity?
There are multiple alternate universes where Batman is a woman, but I’m not aware of any one where he’s a man dressing like a woman.
SHOULD any of this have happened in regular continuity?
If the Joker can make it work, certainly Batman should step up his game.
To be fair, I’m sure the Joker’s inspiration wasn’t Vril Dox.
Silver Age-ness: 0/10
No, seriously, isn’t a fully grown woman far more likely to crash a window than a bat?
Does it stand the test of time? 10/10
Even Jimmy Olsen wasn’t this great in drag.
What fun! I wish I’d read this annual at the time.
Now this is how to do a parody book. Lean into the silliness and absurdity, but don’t get mean spirited or nasty about it. Embrace the goofiness without getting stupid.
I do find it strange that Ghost Girl’s costume has a big letter P on it. There’s no “P” in ghost.
I also need to add one vomit reaction for Ted McKeever’s “art” on The Sound of L.E.G.I.O.N.. I will never understand how McKeever was ever employed as an artist. I’m thankful he was never a regular on the Legion, although he ruined Rachel Pollack’s Doom Patrol just as it was finding its footing.
Maybe it’s a ghost letter.
Or the Bgztlian alphabet.
Good points. It’s entirely possible that in Bgztlian, the P stands for “hoPe”.
And ghosts wouldn’t mail their letters through the post office. They’d use the ghost office.
We need more fine parodies like this!